how i feel

well its Christmas eve
a small dedication to the one person who actually reads this every once in a while

Graham (Canadian Scouter)
your a great guy
and i care about you
im glad i have you to talk to
and you give really good advice (at least compared to my other friends)
i still wonder what happened to you teaching me
you may not realise this, but your blog is my inspiration, and what stops this from being yet another Emo blog
thanks

to the rest of you
thanks for being there
you seem to enjoy... confusing me
i love you all
if your my friends anyways
if your some random stranger then please leave me alone and stop reading this
if i have asked you to read this, its because i want you to know more about me
and i write whatever, and dont care who reads it
so your getting the side of me i dont usually show
im sorry if my open-ness creeps you out
I will try to not be so straight forward with me emotions

heres a bit of dedications for others who i will have read this

jodie
i love you (just as a friend... sorry :P)
i dont hate you, im just having trouble dealing with this right now...
you are there when no one else is

burke
im sorry i called you an ass... im just kinda hurt and confused right now
i care about you a lot
and im sorry if im being a total bitch to you right now
i dont hate you either

stephanie
you are my bff
i love you
although you and i are not as close as we once were i still truly care about you
you are awesome
i love you


Leah
you rock
and im really glad your with Jordan
your a super cool person
and you kill me in sparing...

Caillie
you are our awesome percussionist
your a sweet person
you and your boy make the cutest couple
i hope you and i are friends for a long time

Alyssa
you are probably my closest friend at school
social buddy
im so glad we became friends
i trust you alot


anyone else
i love you

peace
shadowstich the slightly insane

song writing of randomness

stars shining, shimering so bright
against a background of black night
then the morning and the sun rise
leaving us emotional highs

but you cant see the star
shining bright from afar
your anger leaves you blind
so much you can not find

so much is left unknown
the path you tread not shown
leaving people with pain
and nothing left to gain

looking up to the sky
you still cant answer why
you dont know what to say
or why you feel this way

love????

well everything is a confused bundle of emotions
im at a friends house right now
i kinda like this guy
and my friend likes him too..
he likes her
and i have to be fine with it
oh yeah
did i forget something???
i have a girl friend (24 hours ago)
and im so confused
because she will be a long distance relationship
and i dont want a long distance relationship
i want one where i can hold the person when they are sad
feel the warmth of their lips against mine
but no
im not good enough for that
anyone i like here doesn't feel the same way
she is an amazing girl
but
i cant comfort her
i cant physically be there for her
and that's the same way for her
and both of us need that



i really dont know what do do
because at this point im kinda desperate
with so many friends in relationships
and the few "relationships" ive been in...
leave alot to be expected



but yeah
<3
and girl if your reading this i hope you understand what im trying to say
i never want to hurt you
but i dont know what to do
i really wish you were here right now
<3



peace
shadowstich

memories

what happened in the past affects who we are now.
recently i have been remembering... a lot
and slowly trying to understand.
there was a memory i forgot for a long time, about 4-5 years, and recently it came back.
i dont know if its a good thing, but im starting to understand why i am the way i am.
as i am in the electronics room right now, i will not expand on this further.
a few people will understand what im talking about, but i dont know if they ever read this
this is all i can write
peace
shadowstich

random song quotes i love

please save me, ive been waiting
been aching far too long



do you remember when we talked for hours on end
just being stupid but atleast we didnt pretend



tell you of a girl that i saw
i frroze in the moment and she changed it all



promised myself i wouldnt weep
one more promise i couldnt keep



well im gonna dedicate something to someone who says he reads this
and we will see if he does
and he'd better comment



"It's not the critic who counts, not the one who points out how the strong man stumbles or how the doer of deeds might have done it better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred with sweat, and dust and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who spends himself in a worthy cause, and who, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly. His place will never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat."Theodore Roosevelt


i stole this from his amaizing blog
if any of you readers want to check out his blog... http://canadianscouter.blogspot.com/
to my one french horn friend "wanna play MY horn?"

to everyone, im glad your here, im not sure how i would survive without you


yeah im kinda random right now





i love you all
take care
shadowstich

and yet again, no clue what to put
i dont know if i said anything about this
but i used to be bullied all the time

this is a bit of advice for people, if they actually care

i had a friend watch me get bullied, and asked me how i could stand it
my response was "im used to it"
just because someone is used to something, doesn't mean its ok

im not asking you to feel sorry for me, thats not why i write, and if i wanted you to feel sorry for me, i would tell you everything bad in my life.
but thats not the point of this blog.

there is a band concert coming up on the 12th
concert band will be playing Tamerlane, Gaelic rhapsody, and butterfly's ball

my favorite piece is butterfly's ball
it is a beautifull piece to listen to.

im thinking of writing some other songs i have on here, but they are depressing.
do you think i should?

take care all
shadowstich

my heart beats like timpani drums
keeping the time while the symphony strums

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUjtNT8T1xE

great song

well what to talk about
why am i writing in this
i really don't know, i enjoy it
in person I'm really different, i think, then who i am on here,
i think there is only really one person who reads this, and he and i never really talk in person, which, is weird, but on msn im more relaxed, as i type before i can think
like brilliantly telling the guy i like how i feel
the conversation (kinda)

Me: im not dating your bro
him: you sure?
me: haha yeah
me: *insert laughing emoticon*
him: whats so funny
me: dude i cant explain
him: why
me: because that would involve me admitting that i like you
me: oh crap




yeah
the funny thing was....
there is the guy i like, his older bro, my friend, and me
my friend likes older bro, (and now they are dating... Yay)
i like the guy
the guy thought i was dating his bro,
yeah
amusing
at least to me



life
last night i got to spar
and got owned
but owned the guy <3
yeah
that was sweet
and i did a standby without hurting myself


standbys are a flip in the air, land in a break fall

yeah
im usually here early, here being school
because i find this place relaxing
ive never come here to see anyone,
its just a place i come to be, relax, i cant explain it


right now im listening to a song called
city of devils

flying along
and i
feel like i dont belong
and i cant tell right from the wrong
why have i been here so long



sometimes songs really fit how people are feeling

but yeah
right now im typing up anything i think of,
well almost everything
there are some things im just NOT going to put
oh yes
there was a topic i wanted to write about




SANTA
well one thought ive had, is
CREEPY
he sees you when your "sleeping"
he knows when your awake


well hes watching you in bed O.o
that's NOT good

he knows if you've been bad or good

hes watching you
STALKER

originally Christmas had a quiet different meaning
and so did saint Nicholas
but now...


i think you get what im trying to say


well
i dont have anything else to say right now
take care all
Shadowstich