100th post

so much has changed.
when i started this i was friends with someone
he was why i started this.
and there is no way i can fix things.
and i have stopped trying.
because it will go nowhere
but i have new friends...
mostly (well compleatly) from work
so much i could write about.
like the fact i like someone, and their sister hates me :P

and suposidley an ex boyfriend still likes me?
i have no clue what that is about.

im listening to a band called secondhand serenade
really good band.

and i get to deal with issues...
so im gonna stop blogging
as issues must stay private

99th post.
why did i start this?
im on break with 17 minutes left.
listening to music, with no clue what to write
i still dont know if i should try to record a cd.
because i honestly dont know if im any good.

doubtinging everything i know,
doubtfull of what i know.
i want to sing right now...
but other people are here.
i dont know if i should be sociable...
maybe
or maybe not

its sad how easily friendships can break.
one second everything seems fine.
and then everything comes out.
and the friendship falls apart

but it there is a fight
and the friendship somehow stays, it gets stronger
or weeker
depends on the situation.
well im ranting

this is my 98th post.
done in the break room at my work.

i dont know if anyone reads this anymore
as the one guy who did, im hoping wont anymore.
g. you asked me to stay out of your life
so please do the same.

im going to go change for work
PEACE

(if you read this, omment and i will write more often)
Shadowstich

random song stuff

the night is gone so don't you fear
please dont shed another tear
know everything will be ok
no matter what the others say

you dont have to walk alone
the darkness is not your home
you belong here in te light
where everything is alright


thats just two random verses



another recent bit of stuff


i cant let you go away
and i dont know what to say
to make you change your mind
without you i cant find
my way
to tell you how i feel
but im scared
and unprepared

all i know is this
i cant live without you
if ignorance is bliss
then you dont have a clue

you make me feel love
and a little hate
seeking guidance from above
before it is too late

right now i am so close to crying i dont know why.
its not the sad kind of crying, or the happy kind.
think is, i keep stopping myself.
its a habbit.
thing is
i dont cry
i dont want to appear weak.
and inside im human
i feel
lost
confusion
anger
pain
i dont know if theres a feeling for this, but expecting a betrayal
afraid
scared
empty
weak...
so many times i dont want to be human.
but these last two weeks... i have really lived my life for once
this week... im going to continue doing so
im going to do things i regret... but im only human
i have one life to live...
and im learning to enjoy it.
i dont know how to put this, so iot may not make sence

for the longest time i have had the one person, who i trusted with everything.
my mom untill i started becoming depressed...
then logan
then josh...
then g...
i always had someone
and well...
right now i dont
well... in a way i have zuli... but its different...
but its like im learning how to walk, how to really walk...
i put all my trust in these guys (i just realised... all three are very atractive) (i am high of energy drink)
and then suddnley i didnt have hands to catch me when i fell...
and in that case i tripped and fell on my face...

but then i got up, learned how to step.
and i had friends to help me up. but also forced me not to lean against them.
and i feel as if i can "walk" on my own.


i have been going to the clifs more often now...
always with zuli...
is n amaizing lace...
except for construction...
when i get my camera i may go there.
i will have to ask someones permision to go alone if i cant get zuli to come.

the motto quote thingy "everything happens for a reason" comes to mind

and im not glad i got hurt
but im glad it happened, because i feel stronger
do i have a goal?
yes.
my goal is to keep on "walking"
im not going to run, cause im not going to rush through life.

for everyone, especially anyone who has been depressed, or is,
things get better...
im here to help if anyone needs it.

take care all
peace out
ShadowStich

well...
its been a long time since my last post.
and ive really thought a lot.
i am annoying.
and if i am any where as annoying as a guy from work, then i would want to shoot me.
cause damn...
but im rambling.
i am very happy right now, and covered with mosquito bites.
it comes from lying in a field for an hour and a half.

i now work at staples.
where i have made new friends and er.... not so friendly acquaintances
i wonder if some things are different now.

to one reader (if he chooses to read): yes i miss talking to you, but i understand now why you made your choice, and i respect it.

to j, haha sleepovers are awesome. and i really should annunciate...
to c... welcome home soon.

anyone i miss?
does anyne read this anymore.
cause with one reader most likley gone, and j only reading when asked...
well i guess i will write to the silence.

well im dun going on.
i will shut up now

oh.
fyi, i have a bunny

peace
shadowstich