wow... a lot on my mind
but i dont want to write it on here...
because i dont think i have any friends who read this anymore without me reminding them.
if you want to know whats going on... ask... if i trust you enough... i will tell you... if not... well i will tell you other stuff thats going on...
one question...
for so long guys havnt been into me
WHY HAS THAT CHANGED
seriously...
there are a few guys who like me right now...
but where did it come from
have i changed in the past 2 weeks??
tell me.
SS... aka JB (not telling what that stands for... its a new nickname of mine...)figure it out

so much going on...
its getting busy
lets see...
whats my chedual like...
band monday, tuesday wednesday and thursday. friday night i work, today im working.... tomorrow is my brothers birthday...
it seems something is always going on these days.

i have my camera and i may go to the cliffs today
i want to do a small tribute to the place with the song "this is my world now"
its an instrumental peice i really really like
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fuqg2yh49oM
i dont know if this peice has any significance... i just love it.

dont ask me to explain why i love it... except it has some great brass and horn
so yeah
yay fanfares

things are way too complicated.
one of my friends (at lease i think hes a friend... still unsure) said to me that i always have something or another going wrong....
and ive realised he is very right...
its not like i try.....

i just want things to be more simple and easy


i also talk to much...
and people really have noticed it...
when im less talkitive then usual its almost an instant "are you ok? your not too talkitive... is something wrong?"

maybe im just changing... trying to be less annoying and in peoples faces...

because i dont want to piss people off and scare them away...

altho i wonder if anyone reads this i will still wright...
as even if im just writing to myself it makes me feel better
but its off to work i go
later...

this song was writen because of you

no more days to follow

I'm trying so hard just to find

a little bit of peace of mind

but you are driving me crazy

and theres no one who can save me

chorus

and if i could i'd turn back time

instead of writing line by line

but nothing i do can fix this

cause you don't want me to exist

i was so close and yet so far

but i still dont know who you are

i just want things to be ok

but theres nothing else i can say

and if i could i'd turn back time
instead of writing line by line
but nothing i do can fix this
cause you don't want me to exist

i wish i could just walk away

leave everything for yesterday

make it so theres no tomorrow

with no more days to follow

and if i could i'd turn back time
instead of writing line by line
but nothing i do can fix this
cause you don't want me to exist

and i'd make it so theres no tomorrow

with no more days to follow

stolen from someone who stole it from someone else... who stole if from someone else... and so on

I AM … very confused
I WANT…everything to be ok
I HAVE … a new camera
I WISH I COULD … talk to you, and have you talk back. and to know what actually going on in your mind
I HATE … when you lie to me.
I FEAR … having no friends... i've been there
I HEAR … music... from my headphones. secondhand serenade
I DON’T THINK … holding back tears is good for me... one of these days im gonna break down again
I REGRET … that i dont show all my emotions... cause i no longer know how to show them normaly
I LOVE …m friends and family
I AM NOT … going to give up, or break a promise...
I DANCE … really badly... and like a guy
I SING … my own words... songs are just stories with tunes to me
I NEVER … knew what to put here
I RARELY … show myself to people... my true self
I CRY WHEN I WATCH … i dont cry to movies... but im listening to its not over... and trying so hard not to cry... as im not alone
I AM NOT ALWAYS … a optimistic person... im just really good at faking it
I HATE THAT … im so annoying... and people wonttell me how to fix it.
I’M CONFUSED ABOUT …life??? you...
I NEED … someone to talk to...
I SHOULD … be satisfied with where i am... instead of trying for more

i have a camera now.
i took that picture at 6:55 thismorning at school.
yes i was there early.
to see all the pictures i have taken check facebook.

its amaizing the differences between grade 10 and 11

and then theres more awkward situation


natt finds out i like this guy eric


"eric" she motions him over
and in a singsong voice
"victoria has a crush on you"
at that point i was actually too stunned to react.
which was a goodthing

she thinks one day i will thank her
thing is... i have liked him since grade 10 begun.
he was... for the most part, a secret crush.
and now i cant talk to him cause im way too shy.
which sucks because i was starting to actually become friends with him.

dedication time

g: im still confused at where its at. but im still glad to know you. im glad we are in band together (sorry you got 2nd horn) band trips will be intresting... (and confusing since im in both bands) you have taught me some very valuble lessons... alas spelling was not one of them.

joe: (as j is taken...) im so glad you are my friend. you have made work fun. and disturbing.
if i had one word to describe our friendship... it would be... PUTAWAYS
cause we are just that cool. and yes i will keep my promises... one question... does messageing you on fb count? dont worry. i told you i would tell you if i needed to.

zuli: i miss you a lot. i want to hang with you. can you all sometime? i need someone to go to the clifs with... for a photo taking spree... and i neet a good pict of you... cause the video i have of you has you trying to be a whoreable person.

j: im listening to two secondhand serenade cd's right now... and there are picts of you on facebook. i love you. you know that tho. im glad you are here for me... to talk to, sing with, listen to... and listen to laugh at me... i am here for you. no matter what.

erin: i miss you a lot. i miss talking to you about everything... boys... i no longer mouth the words to songs... or sing on the bus... i hope everything is going well for you. and i hope someday i can see you again.

logan. you have intresting advice... and im so sorry i punched you in the face... i feel so bad.
and i dont always have ice with me... i miss talking to you. cause its only at martial arts we talk. can we hang???

anyone else???

i duno... there are other people i could add...
but who reads this?
i duno anymore

i will post new song soon
but for now
peace
Shadowstich