things you may or may not know about me
im not always that talkative, especially in person
im afraid of needles
im afraid of baby talk
im afraid of clowns
i laugh when im in a lot of pain (except if the pain is in my face)
im somewhat afraid of being alone
i rarley lie.
sometimes i will start singing, and it rhymes and everything, and i forget it after i sing it.
im very paronoid
im both optimistic, and pesimistic, sometimes at the same time

ranting rant for the sake of ranting. (aka having fun with words)

There is a lot on my mind right now.
shall i start rambling
i think i shall

a guy who i'm kinda friends with, who supposedly does not like me wrote this

hey sweetheart, call me sometime? we'll go out for coffee or something
(insert phone number here) (insert heart here) (insert name here)


i am very confused about this.

this year i have a goal.
to not have my yearbook stolen and have fag written in it.

tomorrow we have band with three French horns, which will be interesting, and somewhat weird.

as i look through some comments already written in my yearbook, i see some really sweet comments, and some... interesting(?) ones...

this year has been so much better than grade 9.


yesterday one of my friends decided to smash a lacrosse ball into my left eye.
i didn't know my glasses could bend that way.
guess what happened today...
right eye... soccer ball.
yeah
I'm just skilled
SKILLED I SAY

this next portion is written due to reading someone else's blog

well today, other than having the guy write that in my yearbook, i also had a guy ask me out.
the thing is, I've gone through relationships, and in almost all, i have been either used, or cheated on. relationships are not all what they are cracked up to be.
i have friends, who have somehow never been hurt by love, and yes i envy one in particular, because they have been going through life, and it seems they have never been hurt.
to be honest, sometimes it really pisses me off.
ANYWAYS.
yes relationships are nice, but they are not everything. i envy you for not ever being in one.
i think you can probably see the downsides of relationships
see: me and some random guy who i will not name for examples
i think you deserve a great relationship
sadly, the world is not perfect and we don't all get what we deserve
see: Romeo and Juliet

well i think I'm done ranting for now
COMMENT FOR ONCE

Shadowstich

new story

Lightning flashed, lighting up the silhouette of three large wolves running towards a mountain of jagged rocks. They were thankful for the storm, as the rain would wash away their trail of paw prints. Other then the rare flash of lightning, the wolves were invisible in the darkness. One was almost twice the size of the other two, and had a coat of jet black. The other two were both gray, one with bright red eyes and white fur on the tips of his paws, the other had yellow eyes and was a dark grey. The two smaller wolves were very fast. The three wolves did not rest, running as if from a wild fire, and the jagged rock mountain was an island surrounded by a lake.

Minutes turned into hours as they slowly scaled the mountain, resting only once they had reached their destination, a cave that went deep into the mountain, with an entrance that was almost invisible. Their panting echoed through the cave. Only now did the two grey wolves see that the black one had a cloth bundle with him.

“Midnight… what, what have you brought with you?” the red eyed grey wolf asked with a deep husky voice.

Midnight was the large black wolf, named for the color of his fur. His father was the leader of the Shadow pack, one of the largest wolf packs in the area. Shadow pack had been the three wolves’ home, until the humans had attacked.

“is it food?” the yellow eyed grey wolf asked.

Before midnight could respond, the first grey wolf growled “Storm why must you always think with your stomach?”

“your hungry too Shadow, we were running for hours” Storm rumbled his protest.

“Storm, Shadow, stop with your bickering” Midnight hissed as the bundle started to squirm and a small black furry head poked out of the cloth that enclosed it. Midnight sniffed the small pup.

“you brought a pup! Who is he?” Shadows ears perked up as he approached the pup.

“she… her name is Carbon.” The large black wolf answered.

post 66
wow

if i could explain everything to you, i would, but i cant find the words to do so.
i feel as if i am slowly losing my mind.

half the time it feels as if the words i say are not my own, and my thoughts are not my own.

i feel as if im losing myself, but i know i must fight to hold on.

i need to figure out how to stop this without hurting you.

im sorry
for everything

well im in the band room
walking outside at 7 am really makes me feel betetr.
and the world looks like a better place
cause not many humans are out
there are frogs, geese and ducks, this pretty black singing bird, butterflies, misquitos
well not all of nature is nice
but life is full of mixed blessings
yin and yang
remember
life is 0nly as good as you make it
shadowstich

well i 'm at school, finished my part of a powerpoint on LCL sprains
and i realised i have not updated this recently
what to say
G: things have been somewhat rough lately, and i have not been very talkative towards you, mostly because my hamstring sprain has left me in a very foul mood, and has left me feeling trapped and very bitchy, and i dont want to take it out on you
A(the one who knows G): i really hope that things get better for you. saying that ive gone through the same thing may be thr truth, but it probably doesnt make you feel better. i ment what i said yesterday, if there is any way i can help, just tell me and i will help you.
J: im really happy for you, and i hope everything goes well with that. good luck this week.
C: how can you not kill the percussionists . i really hope things go well with you and your man.
Z (since s is used too much) im glad you and i have been talking alot latley, and i love your webcam. it makes me happy. you have been very good at de-stressing me, and your a great guy. i freally hope you can make it on friday
everyone else: if you want me to say stuf towards you, just say so.
fyi i dont have use of computers or tv on school days.
you can call my cell anytime (within reason) or text me (i have texting now)
take care
Shadowstich

bipolar???

well i think every things better
but one of my friends thinks i may be bi-polar
definition
Bipolar disorder is not a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders defined by the presence of one or more episodes of abnormally elevated mood, clinically referred to as mania. Individuals who experience manic episodes also commonly experience depressive episodes or symptoms, or mixed episodes in which features of both mania and depression are present. These episodes are normally separated by periods of normal mood, but in some patients, depression and mania may rapidly alternate


i think she may be right

kinda scary thought

but its the most accurate thing i have right now

and im trying to figure things out
but its really hard

but i need to keep my spirits up
even tho i may not be able to go to martial arts for awhile
as ive injured my hip, and need to see a doctor or chiropractor

well hello
I AM NOT NAMING HIM BUTTERBALL
and anyways
at this poing he is BUTTER BLOB
cause he keeps growing
and growing
so much has been on my mind
im lacking in sleep
and confused
cause im wondering how i can like this guy, when we dont have much in common, at all.
and ive finally learned not to rush into things
why is lucario my lover?
because b probably realised that i cant keep a guy
longest relationship
under 2 weeks
with a guy who ended up saying i was possessed by a demon and tried to ward me of with a bible and cross

yeah

and shortest

under 30 hours

ive dated 5 guys

and whats my luck
NILLLLLL
but oh well
lucario is a sexy beast


hes ALL MINE

XD


um
yeah

i still dont understand hoe one guy thought i would be scared by listening to death metal or whatever he called it

right now im listening to techno


and updating this
cause of course you wont know im updating this...

everything in life changes
it would of been easier if you didnt lie in the first place


ive said this before
and i say it now
what doesnt kill me makes me stronger

altho i would of prefered this not to happen
i guess i knew deep down it would
and because ive faced it before.

so you know what?
if you ever want to talk to me, then fine, i will talk to you back
but i understand.
shadowstich

well im back in the band room...
i now have 2 videos of me singing on youtube, both need to be re-done
cause one is pure crap
and the other could be way better
i dont know whether i should kill a friend or thank him
i happen to like my friend's (now known as S) friend (known now as A)
(neither of these names have come up before i dont think)
anyways... i asked S who is friends with A if i'd ever have a chance with A
s didnt know,
so i brilliantly asked him to ask A in a way that didn't reveal my feelings
he said he would
but i think there was major Miss-communication
and he proceeded to ask A out for me
not a bad thing
but thankfully A said no, as he doesnt really know me.
im not looking for a relationship right now
and my next one, i plan to go slowly with, as i've finally learned from my mistakes.

i didnt make the talent show
and im making some changes to the song (just the music)


this is what they said

Hey shadowstich, I apologize if person 1 was really rude to you today, and even if I was too, I am sorry. A lot was going on so I wasn't really paying attention. So basically, because you didn't show up, and because we were really tight on our schedule and we were not certain whether or not you were prepared, it was a unanimous decision to not have you be a performer for the talent show. We're really sorry shadowstich. It was a really hard decision, and we'd like to thank you for getting the courage and coming out to sing for us. Keep on writing those wonderful songs!


atleast they were nice about it

ive been slightly (or more then slightly) bitter about not making it
but what doesn't kill me will make me stronger.
this gives me more time to learn how to use the program and make my music better
and write new songs


with my songwriting, ive been having a lot of difficulty,as with being no longer depressed, depressing songs are hard to right
and i suck at happy or love songs

my next song is in the making, but it will take some time.

ive realised something
im not friends with anyone i was friends with in junior high who is in my school now
H,Sa,J, were not really friends at that point
and well... most will know i only really had Em, random druggies, and Er (who is now in ontario) and Am(who is in abe)
but now i have new friends, who i feel as if i belong with them.

altho sometimes i wonder if some people do consider me friends, or if they dont want to hurt me by telling me to go away, i just wish i knew the answer.

ive had people i thought were friends end up hating me...
not the most fun feeling and awkward, as one of the people... well i train with her dad, who knows nothing of the fight.

thankfully i was able to spar last night, and altho i am very sore, im calm, and not about to blow up, which ive been at the brink of doing. and after the weekend i had... id say its understandable

but anyways

im off
shadowstich