i dont know what im doing...
i mean i dont know what im doing with my life
right now i am thinking too much, worying too much, and listening to a song in a language i dont understand.
im cold (as always)
and confused
i have a great boyfriend
a great family...
why cant i be satisfyed with that.
i find myself looking at other guys (but i have learned not to do anything)
i find the smallest things can piss me off...
i cant wait for winter to end...
as i suffer sfrom seasonally affected disorder... aka S.A.D...
what does that mean?
winter makes me depressed.
oh new song... its in... french?
yay pigloo :D
i still dont know exactly who reads this...
which is why i watch what i say...
im tempted to start a new one just so i can type whatever i want, without pissing off anyone, or risking saying something i dont want someone to hear...
i used to be able to open up so easily...
but so much has changed
have i changed?
and is it for better of for worse?
finnd me and show me what you want from me
so you think im strong?
how so...
we had the furnace serviced today... whgy is it i am so cold?
and now spanish pop....???
and back to either german or duch???
schnuffle :D
chei chei ch-ch-ch-chei *dances*
*shivers*
why is it i have the least to say when i have the most time....?
fyi... right now i am depressed... i could really use people to talk to.
im having trouble making conversation....
but the entire time i have been on msn 1 person has started a conversation with me....
and it makes me feel unwanted.
SHADOWSTICH
Monday, December 22, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
why do i find myself worying about you
still reading your blog?
you have told me in the past you dont want to talk to me, and you think im an annoyance
that doesnt mean i dont want to talk to you.
cause i miss talking to you
and find myself thinking about you
right now your stressed out, and i just want to help make things better.
but i cant, because i dont think you would let me.
a while ago i wrote a song about you, and was going to sing it in a show, but decided not to, as some things are best left unsaid, or said in a different way.
you have helped me in the past. i just wish i could return the favor
Shadowstich
still reading your blog?
you have told me in the past you dont want to talk to me, and you think im an annoyance
that doesnt mean i dont want to talk to you.
cause i miss talking to you
and find myself thinking about you
right now your stressed out, and i just want to help make things better.
but i cant, because i dont think you would let me.
a while ago i wrote a song about you, and was going to sing it in a show, but decided not to, as some things are best left unsaid, or said in a different way.
you have helped me in the past. i just wish i could return the favor
Shadowstich
and now finally for a post
for the song "in the morn" i am looking for people to help me with instruments (both playing and writing)
things are going pretty great
tomorrow will be one month :)
finally proving the vampire saliva theory wrong
finally....
took me long enough
i have a sectional at the end of class
which i am looking forwards to.
as the french horn section is awesome
right now im listening to psyco teady
im starting to like the techno pop stuff
like gummibar...
and Schnuffel
awesome ness
yay
right now im in an artistic mood
listening to music
writing a lot
writing music, or attempting to.
dont have too much to say right now.
for the song "in the morn" i am looking for people to help me with instruments (both playing and writing)
things are going pretty great
tomorrow will be one month :)
finally proving the vampire saliva theory wrong
finally....
took me long enough
i have a sectional at the end of class
which i am looking forwards to.
as the french horn section is awesome
right now im listening to psyco teady
im starting to like the techno pop stuff
like gummibar...
and Schnuffel
awesome ness
yay
right now im in an artistic mood
listening to music
writing a lot
writing music, or attempting to.
dont have too much to say right now.
in the morn
the nights are alive
with the tears children cry
and the days are so cold
cause of stories untold
the shot of a gun
as things come udone
and nothings the same in the morn
things are falling apart
getting shot in the dark
cause theres no one left to save you
theres fear in your eyes
when yet another lie
escapes from your lips
and your hearts doing flips
just to stay alive in the morn
when nothings the same
except for the blame
and the fear that you will be next
to feel the blade
as your life starts to fade
one more life lost
in a holocoust
fading away in the morn
with the tears children cry
and the days are so cold
cause of stories untold
the shot of a gun
as things come udone
and nothings the same in the morn
things are falling apart
getting shot in the dark
cause theres no one left to save you
theres fear in your eyes
when yet another lie
escapes from your lips
and your hearts doing flips
just to stay alive in the morn
when nothings the same
except for the blame
and the fear that you will be next
to feel the blade
as your life starts to fade
one more life lost
in a holocoust
fading away in the morn
nothing left
nothings pure, cant find a cure
nothing left to do
falling down, hit the ground
nothing left to prove
darkness spreads around
and yet the truth still cant be found
and theres nothing left
nothing left
still cant find the light
only yet another fight
cause theres nothing left
yeah nothing left
running late, full of hate
nothing left to say
this is the end, so dont pretend
nothing left today
darkness spreads around
and yet the truth still cant be found
and theres nothing left
nothing left
still cant find the light
only yet another fight
cause theres nothing left
yeah nothing left
slow your pace its not a race
nothing left to see
take a chance, do a dance
nothing left to be
darkness spreads around
and yet the truth still cant be found
and theres nothing left
nothing left
still cant find the light
only yet another fight
cause theres nothing left
yeah nothing left
take a song, just sing along
nothing left to share
take some time, just redifine
nothing left to bare
darkness spreads around
and yet the truth still cant be found
and theres nothing left
nothing left
still cant find the light
only yet another fight
cause theres nothing left
yeah nothing left
nothing left to do
falling down, hit the ground
nothing left to prove
darkness spreads around
and yet the truth still cant be found
and theres nothing left
nothing left
still cant find the light
only yet another fight
cause theres nothing left
yeah nothing left
running late, full of hate
nothing left to say
this is the end, so dont pretend
nothing left today
darkness spreads around
and yet the truth still cant be found
and theres nothing left
nothing left
still cant find the light
only yet another fight
cause theres nothing left
yeah nothing left
slow your pace its not a race
nothing left to see
take a chance, do a dance
nothing left to be
darkness spreads around
and yet the truth still cant be found
and theres nothing left
nothing left
still cant find the light
only yet another fight
cause theres nothing left
yeah nothing left
take a song, just sing along
nothing left to share
take some time, just redifine
nothing left to bare
darkness spreads around
and yet the truth still cant be found
and theres nothing left
nothing left
still cant find the light
only yet another fight
cause theres nothing left
yeah nothing left
Friday, November 28, 2008
sorry its taken so long
life is pissing me off
a few people are spreading rumers around about me,
i wont say what they are,
and theres only the slightest bit of truth,
the rumors story is so compleatly off, and make me sound like im:
a) crazy
b) creepy
c)idiotic
d)all three
if you guessed d you are correct.
its amaizing how much rumors can effect you.
whats the worst is, theres actually a truestory i cant tell, and some chick says she saw it happen, when in truth, we were compleatly alone.
why cant people just drop things
WHO CAIRS
if anyone who reads this knows whats going on, or wants to know, just ask me, i cant tell you everything, but you should know i dont do that
in 39 minutes i leave the house
what will i do today?
gym at 8 (sit and watch people curl, i still cant due to physiotherapy)
social (learn about the holucost)
recess (text boyfriend)
chem (test)
math (new unit)
sectional (just 1st and 3rd horn, sadly the section leader cant make it :()
take the bus, then another
spend whatever time i have at the mall...
start work (its now( 5)
start closing store (if i have to close with roy i will scream)
leave at 9, unless roy is there, if so 9:30
get home at 10.
YAY
if you want me to update this ask.
SHADOWSTICH
life is pissing me off
a few people are spreading rumers around about me,
i wont say what they are,
and theres only the slightest bit of truth,
the rumors story is so compleatly off, and make me sound like im:
a) crazy
b) creepy
c)idiotic
d)all three
if you guessed d you are correct.
its amaizing how much rumors can effect you.
whats the worst is, theres actually a truestory i cant tell, and some chick says she saw it happen, when in truth, we were compleatly alone.
why cant people just drop things
WHO CAIRS
if anyone who reads this knows whats going on, or wants to know, just ask me, i cant tell you everything, but you should know i dont do that
in 39 minutes i leave the house
what will i do today?
gym at 8 (sit and watch people curl, i still cant due to physiotherapy)
social (learn about the holucost)
recess (text boyfriend)
chem (test)
math (new unit)
sectional (just 1st and 3rd horn, sadly the section leader cant make it :()
take the bus, then another
spend whatever time i have at the mall...
start work (its now( 5)
start closing store (if i have to close with roy i will scream)
leave at 9, unless roy is there, if so 9:30
get home at 10.
YAY
if you want me to update this ask.
SHADOWSTICH
Monday, October 27, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
i figure i should give you an explination
why i have been:
anti social
tense
untalkitive
depressed...
well thing is... :
every october i get really depressed
i just got my heart broken
i pulled my groin
i cant do point kicks
i cant spar much
but life is starting to improve
it will take about a year for my groin to heal
and i need to go to physiotherapy
but hey...
could be worse
im in the band room...
working on a song
something i have missed doing
so im gonna get back to that
bye for now
why i have been:
anti social
tense
untalkitive
depressed...
well thing is... :
every october i get really depressed
i just got my heart broken
i pulled my groin
i cant do point kicks
i cant spar much
but life is starting to improve
it will take about a year for my groin to heal
and i need to go to physiotherapy
but hey...
could be worse
im in the band room...
working on a song
something i have missed doing
so im gonna get back to that
bye for now
Friday, October 10, 2008
Friday, October 3, 2008
and i have reason to keep writing in this
PUTAWAYS
thats the reason
ugh
im on cash tonight
which sucks
life is confusing
and complicated
making new friends
im single again
which is good
because
COULD I HAVE BEEN MORE OF AN IDIOT
right now i am working on something.
it involves my camera
what im doing is this.
a photo dedication to some people...
you know how i do dedications on this?
instead of words i will use pictures...
this will take me a while
because it has to be perfect.
everyone seems to be going through problems right now.
i wish i could just take away everyone elses pain.
theres someone i really want to help.
and im trying
but she does not know me
or trust me
and her friends dont like me
and i dont know if she even wants my help
i just want to see her smile. and make everything ok for her.
i see the looks her friends give me when im near her.
the looks say "go away, you dont belong here."
listening to frou frou right now
and thinking
confused
but i know what im doing
i hope
Shadowstich
PUTAWAYS
thats the reason
ugh
im on cash tonight
which sucks
life is confusing
and complicated
making new friends
im single again
which is good
because
COULD I HAVE BEEN MORE OF AN IDIOT
right now i am working on something.
it involves my camera
what im doing is this.
a photo dedication to some people...
you know how i do dedications on this?
instead of words i will use pictures...
this will take me a while
because it has to be perfect.
everyone seems to be going through problems right now.
i wish i could just take away everyone elses pain.
theres someone i really want to help.
and im trying
but she does not know me
or trust me
and her friends dont like me
and i dont know if she even wants my help
i just want to see her smile. and make everything ok for her.
i see the looks her friends give me when im near her.
the looks say "go away, you dont belong here."
listening to frou frou right now
and thinking
confused
but i know what im doing
i hope
Shadowstich
un named song
just a bit of confusion
and a little bit of hate
with a hint of ilusion
stuck in a mixed up state
then an unexpected twist
in an unwriten story
caused by taking a risk
and fighting for glory
its not as hard as it looks
dont look back and regret
treat life like an open book
dont you ever forget
the past gives you guide lines
rules to help make things right
dont focus on bad times
for the future will be bright
dont know where your going
and dont know who you are
pushed by the wind blowing
wishing on a shooting star
so close your eyes and dream
and embrace the new day
its not as bad as it seems
i promise its ok
its not as hard as it looks
dont look back and regret
treat life like an open book
dont you ever forget
the past gives you guide lines
rules to help make things right
dont focus on bad times
for the future will be bright
the days are falling down
and no one seems to care
feeling stuck in lonley town
but someones always there
to keep you safe and strong
so hold your head up high
and tho the days are long
you'll make it out alive
its not as hard as it looks
dont look back and regret
treat life like an open book
dont you ever forget
the past gives you guide lines
rules to help make things right
dont focus on bad times
for the future will be bright
yeah dont you ever forget
the past gives you guide lines
rules to help make things right
dont focus on bad times
for the future will be bright
and a little bit of hate
with a hint of ilusion
stuck in a mixed up state
then an unexpected twist
in an unwriten story
caused by taking a risk
and fighting for glory
its not as hard as it looks
dont look back and regret
treat life like an open book
dont you ever forget
the past gives you guide lines
rules to help make things right
dont focus on bad times
for the future will be bright
dont know where your going
and dont know who you are
pushed by the wind blowing
wishing on a shooting star
so close your eyes and dream
and embrace the new day
its not as bad as it seems
i promise its ok
its not as hard as it looks
dont look back and regret
treat life like an open book
dont you ever forget
the past gives you guide lines
rules to help make things right
dont focus on bad times
for the future will be bright
the days are falling down
and no one seems to care
feeling stuck in lonley town
but someones always there
to keep you safe and strong
so hold your head up high
and tho the days are long
you'll make it out alive
its not as hard as it looks
dont look back and regret
treat life like an open book
dont you ever forget
the past gives you guide lines
rules to help make things right
dont focus on bad times
for the future will be bright
yeah dont you ever forget
the past gives you guide lines
rules to help make things right
dont focus on bad times
for the future will be bright
Saturday, September 27, 2008
wow... a lot on my mind
but i dont want to write it on here...
because i dont think i have any friends who read this anymore without me reminding them.
if you want to know whats going on... ask... if i trust you enough... i will tell you... if not... well i will tell you other stuff thats going on...
one question...
for so long guys havnt been into me
WHY HAS THAT CHANGED
seriously...
there are a few guys who like me right now...
but where did it come from
have i changed in the past 2 weeks??
tell me.
SS... aka JB (not telling what that stands for... its a new nickname of mine...)figure it out
but i dont want to write it on here...
because i dont think i have any friends who read this anymore without me reminding them.
if you want to know whats going on... ask... if i trust you enough... i will tell you... if not... well i will tell you other stuff thats going on...
one question...
for so long guys havnt been into me
WHY HAS THAT CHANGED
seriously...
there are a few guys who like me right now...
but where did it come from
have i changed in the past 2 weeks??
tell me.
SS... aka JB (not telling what that stands for... its a new nickname of mine...)figure it out
Saturday, September 20, 2008
so much going on...
its getting busy
lets see...
whats my chedual like...
band monday, tuesday wednesday and thursday. friday night i work, today im working.... tomorrow is my brothers birthday...
it seems something is always going on these days.
i have my camera and i may go to the cliffs today
i want to do a small tribute to the place with the song "this is my world now"
its an instrumental peice i really really like
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fuqg2yh49oM
i dont know if this peice has any significance... i just love it.
dont ask me to explain why i love it... except it has some great brass and horn
so yeah
yay fanfares
things are way too complicated.
one of my friends (at lease i think hes a friend... still unsure) said to me that i always have something or another going wrong....
and ive realised he is very right...
its not like i try.....
i just want things to be more simple and easy
i also talk to much...
and people really have noticed it...
when im less talkitive then usual its almost an instant "are you ok? your not too talkitive... is something wrong?"
maybe im just changing... trying to be less annoying and in peoples faces...
because i dont want to piss people off and scare them away...
altho i wonder if anyone reads this i will still wright...
as even if im just writing to myself it makes me feel better
but its off to work i go
later...
its getting busy
lets see...
whats my chedual like...
band monday, tuesday wednesday and thursday. friday night i work, today im working.... tomorrow is my brothers birthday...
it seems something is always going on these days.
i have my camera and i may go to the cliffs today
i want to do a small tribute to the place with the song "this is my world now"
its an instrumental peice i really really like
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fuqg2yh49oM
i dont know if this peice has any significance... i just love it.
dont ask me to explain why i love it... except it has some great brass and horn
so yeah
yay fanfares
things are way too complicated.
one of my friends (at lease i think hes a friend... still unsure) said to me that i always have something or another going wrong....
and ive realised he is very right...
its not like i try.....
i just want things to be more simple and easy
i also talk to much...
and people really have noticed it...
when im less talkitive then usual its almost an instant "are you ok? your not too talkitive... is something wrong?"
maybe im just changing... trying to be less annoying and in peoples faces...
because i dont want to piss people off and scare them away...
altho i wonder if anyone reads this i will still wright...
as even if im just writing to myself it makes me feel better
but its off to work i go
later...
Friday, September 12, 2008
this song was writen because of you
no more days to follow
I'm trying so hard just to find
a little bit of peace of mind
but you are driving me crazy
and theres no one who can save me
chorus
and if i could i'd turn back time
instead of writing line by line
but nothing i do can fix this
cause you don't want me to exist
i was so close and yet so far
but i still dont know who you are
i just want things to be ok
but theres nothing else i can say
and if i could i'd turn back time
instead of writing line by line
but nothing i do can fix this
cause you don't want me to exist
instead of writing line by line
but nothing i do can fix this
cause you don't want me to exist
i wish i could just walk away
leave everything for yesterday
make it so theres no tomorrow
with no more days to follow
and if i could i'd turn back time
instead of writing line by line
but nothing i do can fix this
cause you don't want me to exist
instead of writing line by line
but nothing i do can fix this
cause you don't want me to exist
and i'd make it so theres no tomorrow
with no more days to follow
stolen from someone who stole it from someone else... who stole if from someone else... and so on
I AM … very confused
I WANT…everything to be ok
I HAVE … a new camera
I WISH I COULD … talk to you, and have you talk back. and to know what actually going on in your mind
I HATE … when you lie to me.
I FEAR … having no friends... i've been there
I HEAR … music... from my headphones. secondhand serenade
I DON’T THINK … holding back tears is good for me... one of these days im gonna break down again
I REGRET … that i dont show all my emotions... cause i no longer know how to show them normaly
I LOVE …m friends and family
I AM NOT … going to give up, or break a promise...
I DANCE … really badly... and like a guy
I SING … my own words... songs are just stories with tunes to me
I NEVER … knew what to put here
I RARELY … show myself to people... my true self
I CRY WHEN I WATCH … i dont cry to movies... but im listening to its not over... and trying so hard not to cry... as im not alone
I AM NOT ALWAYS … a optimistic person... im just really good at faking it
I HATE THAT … im so annoying... and people wonttell me how to fix it.
I’M CONFUSED ABOUT …life??? you...
I NEED … someone to talk to...
I SHOULD … be satisfied with where i am... instead of trying for more
I WANT…everything to be ok
I HAVE … a new camera
I WISH I COULD … talk to you, and have you talk back. and to know what actually going on in your mind
I HATE … when you lie to me.
I FEAR … having no friends... i've been there
I HEAR … music... from my headphones. secondhand serenade
I DON’T THINK … holding back tears is good for me... one of these days im gonna break down again
I REGRET … that i dont show all my emotions... cause i no longer know how to show them normaly
I LOVE …m friends and family
I AM NOT … going to give up, or break a promise...
I DANCE … really badly... and like a guy
I SING … my own words... songs are just stories with tunes to me
I NEVER … knew what to put here
I RARELY … show myself to people... my true self
I CRY WHEN I WATCH … i dont cry to movies... but im listening to its not over... and trying so hard not to cry... as im not alone
I AM NOT ALWAYS … a optimistic person... im just really good at faking it
I HATE THAT … im so annoying... and people wonttell me how to fix it.
I’M CONFUSED ABOUT …life??? you...
I NEED … someone to talk to...
I SHOULD … be satisfied with where i am... instead of trying for more
i have a camera now.i took that picture at 6:55 thismorning at school.
yes i was there early.
to see all the pictures i have taken check facebook.
its amaizing the differences between grade 10 and 11
and then theres more awkward situation
natt finds out i like this guy eric
"eric" she motions him over
and in a singsong voice
"victoria has a crush on you"
at that point i was actually too stunned to react.
which was a goodthing
she thinks one day i will thank her
thing is... i have liked him since grade 10 begun.
he was... for the most part, a secret crush.
and now i cant talk to him cause im way too shy.
which sucks because i was starting to actually become friends with him.
dedication time
g: im still confused at where its at. but im still glad to know you. im glad we are in band together (sorry you got 2nd horn) band trips will be intresting... (and confusing since im in both bands) you have taught me some very valuble lessons... alas spelling was not one of them.
joe: (as j is taken...) im so glad you are my friend. you have made work fun. and disturbing.
if i had one word to describe our friendship... it would be... PUTAWAYS
cause we are just that cool. and yes i will keep my promises... one question... does messageing you on fb count? dont worry. i told you i would tell you if i needed to.
zuli: i miss you a lot. i want to hang with you. can you all sometime? i need someone to go to the clifs with... for a photo taking spree... and i neet a good pict of you... cause the video i have of you has you trying to be a whoreable person.
j: im listening to two secondhand serenade cd's right now... and there are picts of you on facebook. i love you. you know that tho. im glad you are here for me... to talk to, sing with, listen to... and listen to laugh at me... i am here for you. no matter what.
erin: i miss you a lot. i miss talking to you about everything... boys... i no longer mouth the words to songs... or sing on the bus... i hope everything is going well for you. and i hope someday i can see you again.
logan. you have intresting advice... and im so sorry i punched you in the face... i feel so bad.
and i dont always have ice with me... i miss talking to you. cause its only at martial arts we talk. can we hang???
anyone else???
i duno... there are other people i could add...
but who reads this?
i duno anymore
i will post new song soon
but for now
peace
Shadowstich
Sunday, August 31, 2008
100th post
so much has changed.
when i started this i was friends with someone
he was why i started this.
and there is no way i can fix things.
and i have stopped trying.
because it will go nowhere
but i have new friends...
mostly (well compleatly) from work
so much i could write about.
like the fact i like someone, and their sister hates me :P
and suposidley an ex boyfriend still likes me?
i have no clue what that is about.
im listening to a band called secondhand serenade
really good band.
and i get to deal with issues...
so im gonna stop blogging
as issues must stay private
when i started this i was friends with someone
he was why i started this.
and there is no way i can fix things.
and i have stopped trying.
because it will go nowhere
but i have new friends...
mostly (well compleatly) from work
so much i could write about.
like the fact i like someone, and their sister hates me :P
and suposidley an ex boyfriend still likes me?
i have no clue what that is about.
im listening to a band called secondhand serenade
really good band.
and i get to deal with issues...
so im gonna stop blogging
as issues must stay private
Sunday, August 24, 2008
99th post.
why did i start this?
im on break with 17 minutes left.
listening to music, with no clue what to write
i still dont know if i should try to record a cd.
because i honestly dont know if im any good.
doubtinging everything i know,
doubtfull of what i know.
i want to sing right now...
but other people are here.
i dont know if i should be sociable...
maybe
or maybe not
why did i start this?
im on break with 17 minutes left.
listening to music, with no clue what to write
i still dont know if i should try to record a cd.
because i honestly dont know if im any good.
doubtinging everything i know,
doubtfull of what i know.
i want to sing right now...
but other people are here.
i dont know if i should be sociable...
maybe
or maybe not
its sad how easily friendships can break.
one second everything seems fine.
and then everything comes out.
and the friendship falls apart
but it there is a fight
and the friendship somehow stays, it gets stronger
or weeker
depends on the situation.
well im ranting
this is my 98th post.
done in the break room at my work.
i dont know if anyone reads this anymore
as the one guy who did, im hoping wont anymore.
g. you asked me to stay out of your life
so please do the same.
im going to go change for work
PEACE
(if you read this, omment and i will write more often)
Shadowstich
one second everything seems fine.
and then everything comes out.
and the friendship falls apart
but it there is a fight
and the friendship somehow stays, it gets stronger
or weeker
depends on the situation.
well im ranting
this is my 98th post.
done in the break room at my work.
i dont know if anyone reads this anymore
as the one guy who did, im hoping wont anymore.
g. you asked me to stay out of your life
so please do the same.
im going to go change for work
PEACE
(if you read this, omment and i will write more often)
Shadowstich
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
random song stuff
the night is gone so don't you fear
please dont shed another tear
know everything will be ok
no matter what the others say
you dont have to walk alone
the darkness is not your home
you belong here in te light
where everything is alright
thats just two random verses
another recent bit of stuff
i cant let you go away
and i dont know what to say
to make you change your mind
without you i cant find
my way
to tell you how i feel
but im scared
and unprepared
all i know is this
i cant live without you
if ignorance is bliss
then you dont have a clue
you make me feel love
and a little hate
seeking guidance from above
before it is too late
please dont shed another tear
know everything will be ok
no matter what the others say
you dont have to walk alone
the darkness is not your home
you belong here in te light
where everything is alright
thats just two random verses
another recent bit of stuff
i cant let you go away
and i dont know what to say
to make you change your mind
without you i cant find
my way
to tell you how i feel
but im scared
and unprepared
all i know is this
i cant live without you
if ignorance is bliss
then you dont have a clue
you make me feel love
and a little hate
seeking guidance from above
before it is too late
Sunday, August 17, 2008
right now i am so close to crying i dont know why.
its not the sad kind of crying, or the happy kind.
think is, i keep stopping myself.
its a habbit.
thing is
i dont cry
i dont want to appear weak.
and inside im human
i feel
lost
confusion
anger
pain
i dont know if theres a feeling for this, but expecting a betrayal
afraid
scared
empty
weak...
so many times i dont want to be human.
but these last two weeks... i have really lived my life for once
this week... im going to continue doing so
im going to do things i regret... but im only human
i have one life to live...
and im learning to enjoy it.
i dont know how to put this, so iot may not make sence
for the longest time i have had the one person, who i trusted with everything.
my mom untill i started becoming depressed...
then logan
then josh...
then g...
i always had someone
and well...
right now i dont
well... in a way i have zuli... but its different...
but its like im learning how to walk, how to really walk...
i put all my trust in these guys (i just realised... all three are very atractive) (i am high of energy drink)
and then suddnley i didnt have hands to catch me when i fell...
and in that case i tripped and fell on my face...
but then i got up, learned how to step.
and i had friends to help me up. but also forced me not to lean against them.
and i feel as if i can "walk" on my own.
i have been going to the clifs more often now...
always with zuli...
is n amaizing lace...
except for construction...
when i get my camera i may go there.
i will have to ask someones permision to go alone if i cant get zuli to come.
the motto quote thingy "everything happens for a reason" comes to mind
and im not glad i got hurt
but im glad it happened, because i feel stronger
do i have a goal?
yes.
my goal is to keep on "walking"
im not going to run, cause im not going to rush through life.
for everyone, especially anyone who has been depressed, or is,
things get better...
im here to help if anyone needs it.
take care all
peace out
ShadowStich
its not the sad kind of crying, or the happy kind.
think is, i keep stopping myself.
its a habbit.
thing is
i dont cry
i dont want to appear weak.
and inside im human
i feel
lost
confusion
anger
pain
i dont know if theres a feeling for this, but expecting a betrayal
afraid
scared
empty
weak...
so many times i dont want to be human.
but these last two weeks... i have really lived my life for once
this week... im going to continue doing so
im going to do things i regret... but im only human
i have one life to live...
and im learning to enjoy it.
i dont know how to put this, so iot may not make sence
for the longest time i have had the one person, who i trusted with everything.
my mom untill i started becoming depressed...
then logan
then josh...
then g...
i always had someone
and well...
right now i dont
well... in a way i have zuli... but its different...
but its like im learning how to walk, how to really walk...
i put all my trust in these guys (i just realised... all three are very atractive) (i am high of energy drink)
and then suddnley i didnt have hands to catch me when i fell...
and in that case i tripped and fell on my face...
but then i got up, learned how to step.
and i had friends to help me up. but also forced me not to lean against them.
and i feel as if i can "walk" on my own.
i have been going to the clifs more often now...
always with zuli...
is n amaizing lace...
except for construction...
when i get my camera i may go there.
i will have to ask someones permision to go alone if i cant get zuli to come.
the motto quote thingy "everything happens for a reason" comes to mind
and im not glad i got hurt
but im glad it happened, because i feel stronger
do i have a goal?
yes.
my goal is to keep on "walking"
im not going to run, cause im not going to rush through life.
for everyone, especially anyone who has been depressed, or is,
things get better...
im here to help if anyone needs it.
take care all
peace out
ShadowStich
Thursday, August 14, 2008
well...
its been a long time since my last post.
and ive really thought a lot.
i am annoying.
and if i am any where as annoying as a guy from work, then i would want to shoot me.
cause damn...
but im rambling.
i am very happy right now, and covered with mosquito bites.
it comes from lying in a field for an hour and a half.
i now work at staples.
where i have made new friends and er.... not so friendly acquaintances
i wonder if some things are different now.
to one reader (if he chooses to read): yes i miss talking to you, but i understand now why you made your choice, and i respect it.
to j, haha sleepovers are awesome. and i really should annunciate...
to c... welcome home soon.
anyone i miss?
does anyne read this anymore.
cause with one reader most likley gone, and j only reading when asked...
well i guess i will write to the silence.
well im dun going on.
i will shut up now
oh.
fyi, i have a bunny
peace
shadowstich
its been a long time since my last post.
and ive really thought a lot.
i am annoying.
and if i am any where as annoying as a guy from work, then i would want to shoot me.
cause damn...
but im rambling.
i am very happy right now, and covered with mosquito bites.
it comes from lying in a field for an hour and a half.
i now work at staples.
where i have made new friends and er.... not so friendly acquaintances
i wonder if some things are different now.
to one reader (if he chooses to read): yes i miss talking to you, but i understand now why you made your choice, and i respect it.
to j, haha sleepovers are awesome. and i really should annunciate...
to c... welcome home soon.
anyone i miss?
does anyne read this anymore.
cause with one reader most likley gone, and j only reading when asked...
well i guess i will write to the silence.
well im dun going on.
i will shut up now
oh.
fyi, i have a bunny
peace
shadowstich
Thursday, July 24, 2008
i wish this didnt hurt so much
i wish i could change things.
the truth is i miss you.
and im so fucking depressed right now
and so out of it
why?
well part of it is im on the wrong medication
which has left me with the following side effects:
nausea
depression
lack of focus
jittery
scared
lonleyness
shaky
Lumine says:
whats eating you?
Shadowstich aka Victoria, says:
im just really sad.
Lumine says:
because of the guy you got in a fight with?
Shadowstich, says:
yup
Lumine says:
ah
Shadowstich aka Victoria, says:
:(
Lumine says:
you shouldn't be bothered to much by it
Lumine says:
well
Lumine says:
i guess you've got a right to be
Lumine says:
then if it messes with you this much
Lumine says:
go talk to him
Lumine says:
try and fix it
Shadowstich aka Victoria, says:
im afraid to
well thats my conversation with a friend right now.
to be honest.
im terified of talking to you.
yes this post is directed at you.
or this part is.
i dont want to get hurt
but i just sent you a message via facebook.
i wish i could change things.
the truth is i miss you.
and im so fucking depressed right now
and so out of it
why?
well part of it is im on the wrong medication
which has left me with the following side effects:
nausea
depression
lack of focus
jittery
scared
lonleyness
shaky
Lumine says:
whats eating you?
Shadowstich aka Victoria, says:
im just really sad.
Lumine says:
because of the guy you got in a fight with?
Shadowstich, says:
yup
Lumine says:
ah
Shadowstich aka Victoria, says:
:(
Lumine says:
you shouldn't be bothered to much by it
Lumine says:
well
Lumine says:
i guess you've got a right to be
Lumine says:
then if it messes with you this much
Lumine says:
go talk to him
Lumine says:
try and fix it
Shadowstich aka Victoria, says:
im afraid to
well thats my conversation with a friend right now.
to be honest.
im terified of talking to you.
yes this post is directed at you.
or this part is.
i dont want to get hurt
but i just sent you a message via facebook.
Monday, July 21, 2008
this isnt just goodbye
the begining is going through my head
Please understand
This isn't just goodbye
This is I can't stand you
This is where the road
crashed into the ocean
It rises all around me
And now we're barely breathing
A thousand faces we'll choose to ignore
Curse my enemies forever
Let's slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful
This desperation leaves me overjoyed
With fading lights that lead us past the lives that we destroy
I listen to you cry
A cry for less attention
But both my hands are tied
And I'm pushed into the deep end
I listen to you talk but talk is cheap
And my mouth is filled with blood
From trying not to speak
So search for an excuse
And someone to believe you
In foreign dressing rooms
I'm empty with the need to
Curse my enemies forever
Let's slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful
This desperation leaves me overjoyed
With fading lights that lead us past the lives that we destroy
Curse my enemies forever
Let's slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful
This desperation is leaving me overjoyed
With fading lights that lead us past the lives that we destroy
Please understand
Lay rotting where I fall
I'm dead from bad intentions
Suffocated and embalmed
And now all our dreams are cashed in
You swore you wouldn't lose
then lost your brain
You make a sound that feels like pain
So please understand
This isn't just goodbye
This is I can't stand you
this is the first time since things happened that i can even type
i think its because of who i just hung out with
thanks zuli.
so much i want to say to you, but i cant
i dont know if i will continue writing in this,
as i have lost pretty much my only reader.
if you dont know what im talking about, you never will.
because its personal.
i still find myself praying for you.
as weird as it sounds.
im so glad i still have you as a friend zuli, as i dont think i could stand any guys after this.
and sorry about earlier... and damn your heavy...
haha
that made my day.
thanks
well im off,
peace
ShadowStich, aka, whoever i am, aka
the annoying brat who no one can stand,
Please understand
This isn't just goodbye
This is I can't stand you
This is where the road
crashed into the ocean
It rises all around me
And now we're barely breathing
A thousand faces we'll choose to ignore
Curse my enemies forever
Let's slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful
This desperation leaves me overjoyed
With fading lights that lead us past the lives that we destroy
I listen to you cry
A cry for less attention
But both my hands are tied
And I'm pushed into the deep end
I listen to you talk but talk is cheap
And my mouth is filled with blood
From trying not to speak
So search for an excuse
And someone to believe you
In foreign dressing rooms
I'm empty with the need to
Curse my enemies forever
Let's slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful
This desperation leaves me overjoyed
With fading lights that lead us past the lives that we destroy
Curse my enemies forever
Let's slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful
This desperation is leaving me overjoyed
With fading lights that lead us past the lives that we destroy
Please understand
Lay rotting where I fall
I'm dead from bad intentions
Suffocated and embalmed
And now all our dreams are cashed in
You swore you wouldn't lose
then lost your brain
You make a sound that feels like pain
So please understand
This isn't just goodbye
This is I can't stand you
this is the first time since things happened that i can even type
i think its because of who i just hung out with
thanks zuli.
so much i want to say to you, but i cant
i dont know if i will continue writing in this,
as i have lost pretty much my only reader.
if you dont know what im talking about, you never will.
because its personal.
i still find myself praying for you.
as weird as it sounds.
im so glad i still have you as a friend zuli, as i dont think i could stand any guys after this.
and sorry about earlier... and damn your heavy...
haha
that made my day.
thanks
well im off,
peace
ShadowStich, aka, whoever i am, aka
the annoying brat who no one can stand,
Friday, July 18, 2008
I never meant the things I said
To make you cry
Can I say I'm sorry
It's hard to forget
And yes I regret
All these mistakes
I don't know why you're leaving Me
But I know you must have your reasons
There's tears in your eyes
I watch as you cry
But it's getting late
Was I invading in on your secrets
Was I too close for comfort
You're pushing me out
When I'm wanting in
What was I just about to discover
When I got too close for comfort
Driving you home
Guess I'll never know
Remember when we scratched our names into the sand
And told me you loved me
But now that I find
That you've changed your mind
I'm lost for words
And everything I feel for you
I wrote down on one piece of paper
The one in your hand
You won't understand
How much it hurts to let you go
Was I invading in on your secrets
Was I too close for comfort
You're pushing me out
When I'm wanting in
What was I just about to discover
I got too close for comfort
Driving you home
Guess I'll never know
All this time you've been telling me lies
Hidden in bags that are under your eyes
And when I asked you I knew I was right
But if you turn your back on me now
When I need you most
But you chose to let me down
Won't you think about what you're about to do to me
And back down...
Was I invading in on your secrets
Was I too close for comfort
You're pushing me out
When I'm wanting in
What was I just about to discover
I got too close for comfort
You're pushing me out
When I'm wanting in
What was I just about to discover
When I got too close for comfort
Driving you home
I guess I'll never know...
fuck
this song has been going through my head, repeatedly.
and maybe you will be able to figure out why.
as humans we really lie to each other way too much
and all the lies do is make the truth hurt so much more at a later day.
its like we build a web of lies
and then the truth comes out, and it all unravels,
leaving the person trapped in the web confused and alone...
am i mad at you
no
am i hurt.
no.
because i knew deep down that you cant stand me.
fuck
i talked to one girl. who i havnt talked to since she finaly gave up hiding the truth from me over msn.
and want to know what the truth was.
it was that she couldnt stand me.
that im an annoying little imature pest.
and she is not the only person who has done it.
so yeah...
shes trying to be my friend now
and it feels like she is only doing it out of... pity.
and it hurts.
so much.
To make you cry
Can I say I'm sorry
It's hard to forget
And yes I regret
All these mistakes
I don't know why you're leaving Me
But I know you must have your reasons
There's tears in your eyes
I watch as you cry
But it's getting late
Was I invading in on your secrets
Was I too close for comfort
You're pushing me out
When I'm wanting in
What was I just about to discover
When I got too close for comfort
Driving you home
Guess I'll never know
Remember when we scratched our names into the sand
And told me you loved me
But now that I find
That you've changed your mind
I'm lost for words
And everything I feel for you
I wrote down on one piece of paper
The one in your hand
You won't understand
How much it hurts to let you go
Was I invading in on your secrets
Was I too close for comfort
You're pushing me out
When I'm wanting in
What was I just about to discover
I got too close for comfort
Driving you home
Guess I'll never know
All this time you've been telling me lies
Hidden in bags that are under your eyes
And when I asked you I knew I was right
But if you turn your back on me now
When I need you most
But you chose to let me down
Won't you think about what you're about to do to me
And back down...
Was I invading in on your secrets
Was I too close for comfort
You're pushing me out
When I'm wanting in
What was I just about to discover
I got too close for comfort
You're pushing me out
When I'm wanting in
What was I just about to discover
When I got too close for comfort
Driving you home
I guess I'll never know...
fuck
this song has been going through my head, repeatedly.
and maybe you will be able to figure out why.
as humans we really lie to each other way too much
and all the lies do is make the truth hurt so much more at a later day.
its like we build a web of lies
and then the truth comes out, and it all unravels,
leaving the person trapped in the web confused and alone...
am i mad at you
no
am i hurt.
no.
because i knew deep down that you cant stand me.
fuck
i talked to one girl. who i havnt talked to since she finaly gave up hiding the truth from me over msn.
and want to know what the truth was.
it was that she couldnt stand me.
that im an annoying little imature pest.
and she is not the only person who has done it.
so yeah...
shes trying to be my friend now
and it feels like she is only doing it out of... pity.
and it hurts.
so much.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
oh yes
im going to a wedding saturday
my cousin is marring her high school teacher
does age really matter?
gah
love is confusing
and theres so much i want to write
but
cant
for various reasons.
there are some things i should be mad about, but im not
because i cant change it.
lets hope martial arts turns out better tonight.
im going to a wedding saturday
my cousin is marring her high school teacher
does age really matter?
gah
love is confusing
and theres so much i want to write
but
cant
for various reasons.
there are some things i should be mad about, but im not
because i cant change it.
lets hope martial arts turns out better tonight.
just a quick update
ive been busy
life is not fun
im swamped with math
and having issues which i cant talk about
i really miss one friend, as he and i have been unable to talk latley, and he is at work right now...
but hopefully i can get to martial arts tomorrow and see him
i really shouldnt do martial arts when tired
lets see
i accidently canned troy
and then doing sholder rolls
over our partners
i was with a friend, a good friend,
and well
we were supposed to roll over them.
it was going well
suddenly my mind goes blank and i run and fall over on him...
that was fun
and yes g, some things do need to be said.
im so tired
and confused
im fine right now, for the most part, im having some issues (but who doesnt)
but one of my friends is going through a horrible situation.
and so i have been helping her
and girl, i will always be here for you.
i dont know what to type.
im so tired
but i may teach tonight.
i have some things to type up.
but wont do so right now.
i hope everyones summer is going well
peace
Shadowstich
ive been busy
life is not fun
im swamped with math
and having issues which i cant talk about
i really miss one friend, as he and i have been unable to talk latley, and he is at work right now...
but hopefully i can get to martial arts tomorrow and see him
i really shouldnt do martial arts when tired
lets see
i accidently canned troy
and then doing sholder rolls
over our partners
i was with a friend, a good friend,
and well
we were supposed to roll over them.
it was going well
suddenly my mind goes blank and i run and fall over on him...
that was fun
and yes g, some things do need to be said.
im so tired
and confused
im fine right now, for the most part, im having some issues (but who doesnt)
but one of my friends is going through a horrible situation.
and so i have been helping her
and girl, i will always be here for you.
i dont know what to type.
im so tired
but i may teach tonight.
i have some things to type up.
but wont do so right now.
i hope everyones summer is going well
peace
Shadowstich
Thursday, July 10, 2008
sometimes i really worry about some of you.
the thing is, ive offered help in the past
and its a standing thing
i'd offer again, but i dont think you would accept my help.
i care about all of you.
and i really want to help you if i can.
so if you want my help leave a message text or whatever.
the stampede is insane
i felt sick for so much of yesterday
im pretty sure it was the corn dog
and the atmosphere
i was getting to the point where i wanted to kill things
i think that may be in my system still...
and one reader, i know exactly how you feel with the wanting to hurt people.
fuck
every once and awhile i want to hurt people around me, those i care about
and it really doesnt help that im kind of depressed right now
thing is im bringing it on myself... i know this
but i cant help being pessimistic and expecting the worst in relationships.
im so worried something will go wrong
that i will screw up
or get used
or cheated on
and it hurts
i want to trust, but its hard
because every once and awhile i trust too much
and then get hurt
eh
thinking
sometimes i will say im doing fine, just so that other people dont feel the need to try to help me
you got sick of me always saying my problems, so i've stopped, for the most part.
everyone has problems...
i have to many to list
do you want examples?
im highly adhd
im paranoid
i enjoy pain
i enjoy inflicting pain
i have conversations in my head
i know like... 6 ways to kill people with bare hands
there are countless others
but i will be fine
bye
shadowstich
the thing is, ive offered help in the past
and its a standing thing
i'd offer again, but i dont think you would accept my help.
i care about all of you.
and i really want to help you if i can.
so if you want my help leave a message text or whatever.
the stampede is insane
i felt sick for so much of yesterday
im pretty sure it was the corn dog
and the atmosphere
i was getting to the point where i wanted to kill things
i think that may be in my system still...
and one reader, i know exactly how you feel with the wanting to hurt people.
fuck
every once and awhile i want to hurt people around me, those i care about
and it really doesnt help that im kind of depressed right now
thing is im bringing it on myself... i know this
but i cant help being pessimistic and expecting the worst in relationships.
im so worried something will go wrong
that i will screw up
or get used
or cheated on
and it hurts
i want to trust, but its hard
because every once and awhile i trust too much
and then get hurt
eh
thinking
sometimes i will say im doing fine, just so that other people dont feel the need to try to help me
you got sick of me always saying my problems, so i've stopped, for the most part.
everyone has problems...
i have to many to list
do you want examples?
im highly adhd
im paranoid
i enjoy pain
i enjoy inflicting pain
i have conversations in my head
i know like... 6 ways to kill people with bare hands
there are countless others
but i will be fine
bye
shadowstich
Friday, July 4, 2008
well i cant really think.
its weird
last night i went to bed at around 11 ish... i then proceeded to lie awake until probably 5 or 6
it wasn't the lying awake with too much on your mind
my mind was pretty empty
i wanted to sleep but couldn't
and i've spent a lot of the day learning math
my head hurts
have i eaten today?
i think so
lets see
half a wrap, and some chips.
thing is, i feel like if i eat anything i will be sick.
although im running of 3-4 hours of sleep i feel very energetic right now.
i feel so weird right now...
i may be getting sick...
hope not
later
shadowstich
its weird
last night i went to bed at around 11 ish... i then proceeded to lie awake until probably 5 or 6
it wasn't the lying awake with too much on your mind
my mind was pretty empty
i wanted to sleep but couldn't
and i've spent a lot of the day learning math
my head hurts
have i eaten today?
i think so
lets see
half a wrap, and some chips.
thing is, i feel like if i eat anything i will be sick.
although im running of 3-4 hours of sleep i feel very energetic right now.
i feel so weird right now...
i may be getting sick...
hope not
later
shadowstich
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Slow down, the world isn't watching us break down
It's safe to say we are alone now, we're alone now
Not a whisper, the only noise is the receiver
I'm counting the seconds until you break the silence
So please just break the silence
The whispers turn to shouting
The shouting turns to tears
Your tears turn into laughter
And it takes away our fears
So you see, this world doesn't matter to me
I'll give up all I had just to breathe
The same air as you till the day that I die
I can't take my eyes off of you
And I'm longing, for words to describe how I'm feeling
I'm feeling inspired
My world just flip turned upside down
It turns around, saw that's that sound
It's my heart beat, it's getting much louder
My heart beat, is louder than ever
I'm feeling alive, I'm feeling alive
My whispers turn to shouting
The shouting turns to tears
Your tears turn into laughter
And it takes away our fears
So you see, this world doesn't matter to me
I'll give up all I had just to breathe
The same air as you till the day that I die
I can't take my eyes off of you
I'm finally waking up, a twist in my story
It's time I open up, and let your love right through me
I'm finally waking up, a twist in my story
It's time I open up, and let your love right through me
That's what you get
When you see your life in someone else's eyes
That's what you get, that's what you get
So you see, this world doesn't matter to me
I'll give up all I had just to breathe
The same air as you till the day that I die
I can't take my eyes off of you
This world doesn't matter to me
I'll give up all I had just to breathe
The same air as you till the day that I die
I can't take my eyes off of you
thats the words to the song i posted
It's safe to say we are alone now, we're alone now
Not a whisper, the only noise is the receiver
I'm counting the seconds until you break the silence
So please just break the silence
The whispers turn to shouting
The shouting turns to tears
Your tears turn into laughter
And it takes away our fears
So you see, this world doesn't matter to me
I'll give up all I had just to breathe
The same air as you till the day that I die
I can't take my eyes off of you
And I'm longing, for words to describe how I'm feeling
I'm feeling inspired
My world just flip turned upside down
It turns around, saw that's that sound
It's my heart beat, it's getting much louder
My heart beat, is louder than ever
I'm feeling alive, I'm feeling alive
My whispers turn to shouting
The shouting turns to tears
Your tears turn into laughter
And it takes away our fears
So you see, this world doesn't matter to me
I'll give up all I had just to breathe
The same air as you till the day that I die
I can't take my eyes off of you
I'm finally waking up, a twist in my story
It's time I open up, and let your love right through me
I'm finally waking up, a twist in my story
It's time I open up, and let your love right through me
That's what you get
When you see your life in someone else's eyes
That's what you get, that's what you get
So you see, this world doesn't matter to me
I'll give up all I had just to breathe
The same air as you till the day that I die
I can't take my eyes off of you
This world doesn't matter to me
I'll give up all I had just to breathe
The same air as you till the day that I die
I can't take my eyes off of you
thats the words to the song i posted
new song #1
new song
when you think everythings gone wrong
and you're full of dispare
everyday goes on far too long
and no one seems to care
just think of all the good in life
dont think about the bad
dont focus on youre strife
remember good times you had
when you think everythings gone wrong
and you're full of dispare
everyday goes on far too long
and no one seems to care
just think of all the good in life
dont think about the bad
dont focus on youre strife
remember good times you had
Dont wanna
every day is just the same
same old lies and same old blames
day after day i wish my life would change
but no im stuck here all alone
no one gives a damn about me
and
i dont wanna be teased
done wanna be alone
dont wanna be the thing they laugh at
i just wanna be free
free just to be
yeah
im sick of this life
im sick of this world
where everythings the same
nothing will change
im stuck here singing
woah
i dont wanna be teased
done wanna be alone
dont wanna be the thing they laugh at
i just wanna be free
free just to be
free just to be
(my first song, writen before councling, so...)
same old lies and same old blames
day after day i wish my life would change
but no im stuck here all alone
no one gives a damn about me
and
i dont wanna be teased
done wanna be alone
dont wanna be the thing they laugh at
i just wanna be free
free just to be
yeah
im sick of this life
im sick of this world
where everythings the same
nothing will change
im stuck here singing
woah
i dont wanna be teased
done wanna be alone
dont wanna be the thing they laugh at
i just wanna be free
free just to be
free just to be
(my first song, writen before councling, so...)
sticks and stones
no one knows the pain
slowly driving me insane
no one knows the tears i cry
or how often i wanna die
cause
sticks and stones may break my bones
but words they hurt much worse
bones will heal and scars will fade
but broken hearts dont mend
all the words you say
never go away
they haunt me in my sleep
like a record on repeat
cause
sticks and stones may break my bones
but words they hurt much worse
bones will heal and scars will fade
but broken hearts dont mend
my broken heart wont mend
(writen grade 8)
slowly driving me insane
no one knows the tears i cry
or how often i wanna die
cause
sticks and stones may break my bones
but words they hurt much worse
bones will heal and scars will fade
but broken hearts dont mend
all the words you say
never go away
they haunt me in my sleep
like a record on repeat
cause
sticks and stones may break my bones
but words they hurt much worse
bones will heal and scars will fade
but broken hearts dont mend
my broken heart wont mend
(writen grade 8)
better on my own
All the times you hurt me
All the times you lied
All the times you dont see
All the times I've cried
*chorus*
You said it's over, it's done
But I still think that you're wrong
I think that it's just begun
And you've go on for too long
*also chorus*
I dont need you anymore
I'm fine being left alone
Thought I needed you before
Now i'm better on my own
Every little thing you do
Every little thing you've said
So little of it is true
You were messing with my head
*chorus*
You tried to bring me down
You tried to tear me apart
But I guess you finaly found
You didn't know where to start
*chorus*
All the times you lied
All the times you dont see
All the times I've cried
*chorus*
You said it's over, it's done
But I still think that you're wrong
I think that it's just begun
And you've go on for too long
*also chorus*
I dont need you anymore
I'm fine being left alone
Thought I needed you before
Now i'm better on my own
Every little thing you do
Every little thing you've said
So little of it is true
You were messing with my head
*chorus*
You tried to bring me down
You tried to tear me apart
But I guess you finaly found
You didn't know where to start
*chorus*
last night writing and today typing
given i cant blog every night i have decided to write in this ugly little book with fairies on it... its somewhat sickening.
J. im learning the song you taught me on my horn. i just finished practicing.
which reminds me.
i saw my old section leader the other day.
i love giving people titles
which is whi i want to keep calling her "Section Leader"
thats also i want to call a certain reader "______ the tech man"
(yes i know your name...but not all the random creepers reading this do....)
i wonder if i will type this up
because this feels like im writing in a diary
which
FYI
I dont do.
im sitting on my bed right now
looking at my stereo.
using my feet to change the song.
i can use my feet like hands
if i could i would never wear socks or shoes. even on this there are typos (which i have updated)
but i cant blame my horrible spelling on typos
G... did you ever listen to the 2 songs i sent you?
well every day we find something new
and this new day well i found you
i hate people who cheat on others. its inexcusable
and its stuck on my mind
alas i cant go into details.
change topics
*very discretely*
you are So VERY LUCKY that i am typing this up, as my writing sucks
but this is a lot of fun.
starting page 4
and my wrist is cramping as i write madly away
i have huge feet
size 9 1/2 mens
and FYI
im a GIRL
i just happen to like guys shoes.
come on
you try to find size 11-12 women shoes.
good luck with that
and im tired and have to cleen my room
because you needed to know that
how am i
pretty good
writing always makes me feel better
and i had a good day
what did i do today
lets see
woke up at 9:30
via alarm clock... aka my mum.
did stuff
went out for lunch... ate greasy food
went home
went to teach
found out class started at 5 and had 2 hours to kill
taught half an hour and felt ill
i still do slightly
i think it was the greese
went home
studied math
ate food
played horn
wrote in this
what will i do next??
who CARES
wow that s looks like a 3 and an S mated and had a mutant offspring
my hand hurts
peace
SHADOWSTICH
(sorry you cant see my sweet signature)
that was 6 pages
and now im typing whats in my head not on the page
cause i can read my thoughts way more easily than my writing
fyi i cooked food instead of cleaned my room
garlic shrimp
it was consumable
g... your writing is neater than mine
cause i have chicken scratch
iv e been thinking a lot about love
i plan to wait for this girl to break up with her boy (she cant take a long distance relationship) does that make me a bad person?
because when they break up i will probably ask her out
as she is amazing
i feel bad for her boy tho
gah
im going to go off and do stuff
some day i will scan in stuff from my notebook for you to read
cause you cant read it at all
im gonna go play rockband
haha
yes
g
its a great game
try it
well im off
peace
J. im learning the song you taught me on my horn. i just finished practicing.
which reminds me.
i saw my old section leader the other day.
i love giving people titles
which is whi i want to keep calling her "Section Leader"
thats also i want to call a certain reader "______ the tech man"
(yes i know your name...but not all the random creepers reading this do....)
i wonder if i will type this up
because this feels like im writing in a diary
which
FYI
I dont do.
im sitting on my bed right now
looking at my stereo.
using my feet to change the song.
i can use my feet like hands
if i could i would never wear socks or shoes. even on this there are typos (which i have updated)
but i cant blame my horrible spelling on typos
G... did you ever listen to the 2 songs i sent you?
well every day we find something new
and this new day well i found you
i hate people who cheat on others. its inexcusable
and its stuck on my mind
alas i cant go into details.
change topics
*very discretely*
you are So VERY LUCKY that i am typing this up, as my writing sucks
but this is a lot of fun.
starting page 4
and my wrist is cramping as i write madly away
i have huge feet
size 9 1/2 mens
and FYI
im a GIRL
i just happen to like guys shoes.
come on
you try to find size 11-12 women shoes.
good luck with that
and im tired and have to cleen my room
because you needed to know that
how am i
pretty good
writing always makes me feel better
and i had a good day
what did i do today
lets see
woke up at 9:30
via alarm clock... aka my mum.
did stuff
went out for lunch... ate greasy food
went home
went to teach
found out class started at 5 and had 2 hours to kill
taught half an hour and felt ill
i still do slightly
i think it was the greese
went home
studied math
ate food
played horn
wrote in this
what will i do next??
who CARES
wow that s looks like a 3 and an S mated and had a mutant offspring
my hand hurts
peace
SHADOWSTICH
(sorry you cant see my sweet signature)
that was 6 pages
and now im typing whats in my head not on the page
cause i can read my thoughts way more easily than my writing
fyi i cooked food instead of cleaned my room
garlic shrimp
it was consumable
g... your writing is neater than mine
cause i have chicken scratch
iv e been thinking a lot about love
i plan to wait for this girl to break up with her boy (she cant take a long distance relationship) does that make me a bad person?
because when they break up i will probably ask her out
as she is amazing
i feel bad for her boy tho
gah
im going to go off and do stuff
some day i will scan in stuff from my notebook for you to read
cause you cant read it at all
im gonna go play rockband
haha
yes
g
its a great game
try it
well im off
peace
Monday, June 30, 2008
well j you owe me a sleepover and night of playing rockband
yes
last night couldnt happen the way we had hoped
but
sei la vie
which means
such is life
yes
work
when my boss was hiring me she interviewed me
and her response to almost everything was
"cute"
and im like
"cute???"
CUTE????
that makes no sence at all
me cute???
ha
im not cute
it was really creepy
my thoughts were
what is she really thinking
im not cute
so is cute just what she really thinks
or is she thinking im a moron
well she hired me so....
its cause im a moron
there we go
listening to still alive right now
and im forcing g to do the same
thanks muchly g
yes i love that song
i dont have much tomsay right now
because right now i am compleatly content with life
and i want to SING
so badly
well im off to talk to g
later random people reading this
Shadowstich
yes
last night couldnt happen the way we had hoped
but
sei la vie
which means
such is life
yes
work
when my boss was hiring me she interviewed me
and her response to almost everything was
"cute"
and im like
"cute???"
CUTE????
that makes no sence at all
me cute???
ha
im not cute
it was really creepy
my thoughts were
what is she really thinking
im not cute
so is cute just what she really thinks
or is she thinking im a moron
well she hired me so....
its cause im a moron
there we go
listening to still alive right now
and im forcing g to do the same
thanks muchly g
yes i love that song
i dont have much tomsay right now
because right now i am compleatly content with life
and i want to SING
so badly
well im off to talk to g
later random people reading this
Shadowstich
Sunday, June 29, 2008
well
im in write rapidly mood
because i want to take my mind off things
why
because my currint situation is a horid one
i got 62 in math... so i need to pay a teacher from school to teach me both 10 and 20 pure in the month of july
oh yay
love is a horibvle wonderfull feeling
and the only way i can describe how i feel is this
its from a manga called "Loveless"
"i want to be around you... but... it hurts to be around you"
work...
yes i have a job at a place that sells silver shprts.
and crocs
whats with crocs that make them so popular
they look stupid and are silver or gold
WHY
MUST
THEY
BE
SO
POPULAR
i found something else out
whem people are negitive towards me i am overly happy towards them
today i had to fake being hapy so much i became peppier then a chearleading squad
my emotions want to die
i also really want to cry
because inside i hurt so much right now
but its because i care way too much...
and i keep getting close to crying
but i stop myself
because i hate showing weeknesses
so soon im going to watch a really sad movie and cry for maybe 3 hours
this hiding emotions cant be good for me.
Bob: "is it time to do random dedications???" *looks hopefull*
Shadowstich: "i dont think so bob" *yawns*
did i get your hopes up???
i dont think so
because that would be so creepy
aparently im a really creppy person
Situation#1
Shadowstich *appears in the missle of a shirt rack* "Hi. May i help YOU????"
Person 1 "AHHHHHH"
situation #2
Shadowstch:"hi your total comes to 10.50"
person 2: "ok" *pays*
Shadowstich: "Have a FUNtastical day"
(person one fainted)
Forwars: person one did not exist... except for in my co-workers mind
anyways
im just going to keep writing
because it makes me feel better
and i need to feel better
i wonder if there is a word limit
or if you just skim over my random ranting
i wonder a lot
new song stuff
yess its similer to away from here
but i like it
way different tune
thats all i really have right now
its a love song
if you cant tell
im repeating some words in my head right now
"my readers aree not idiots...my readers aree not idiots"
yes
i know you people are smart
otherwise i wouldnt put complicating wrds in this
if i ever do
ONOMATIPEIA
there you go
well my week is free except for wendsday
and i want to hang out with yu lovley people
so CALL
as i dont have computers on schooldays
or weekdays
whatever you want to call them
i noticed something else
when im trying not to cry i usually sing a song called
Better Than This
by
Busted
i dont know why
but it could be why i sing with a british accent sometimes
and just some words
i think
my feet hurt so much
it burns to walk on them
liustening to ignorance
words that stick out
"They wont let go... when you see them coming, please let me know"
i love those lines
"if fools were ment to fuck you then why do fools fall in love?"
very good question duggie
next song
i cant take my eyes off of you
from high school musical
i love ryan
cause hes so gay
and hes totally my vocal range one octive lower
birds and boats
by
gregory and the hawk
the most amaizing song
and it nearly is making me cry as i type it
it could be because its such a sweet song
or maybe because it reminds me of the paso
a little under a year ago
the scene: wabikon
triplet c is singing this cong
i miss everyone except this one girl
who really hated me
now its walk in the sun
which reminds me g... what happened to your teaching me
the reason i bring this up is because of the lines
"sitting and watching the world going by
is it true when we die we go up to the sky?
now its yellowcard and i will stop this for now
ah im feeling somewhat better now
because i needed to get some stuff out
even if it doesnt actually say anything
g... i know you read this, and its why i keep doing this...
and it always makes me feel better.
your a great guy, and you look so cute in your grade 10 yearbook pict...
i hope next year i can have you as a section leader.
N. well i just told you to read this.
i think your an absolutley amaizing gall
and im making you read this so i love you...
J. im so tired from the sleepover
but good times
coming soon you and me rockband
Zuli. im sorry... thats all i can say
is im so fucking sorry
C. have fun in quebec
me: your readers are not idiots...
bob... i hope your happy with fred
steph... there you go... anything new to go with bob and john???
and im off to bed as ive spent too long ttyping
so goodnight all
PEACE OUT
*starts hickuping*
well i *hick* had the hickups for *hic* 2 hours *hic* while i worked so i *hic* was like " hi *hic* can i *hic* help you *hic*
yes
it hurt after a few hours
goodnight
SHADOWSTICH THE TIRED
im in write rapidly mood
because i want to take my mind off things
why
because my currint situation is a horid one
i got 62 in math... so i need to pay a teacher from school to teach me both 10 and 20 pure in the month of july
oh yay
love is a horibvle wonderfull feeling
and the only way i can describe how i feel is this
its from a manga called "Loveless"
"i want to be around you... but... it hurts to be around you"
work...
yes i have a job at a place that sells silver shprts.
and crocs
whats with crocs that make them so popular
they look stupid and are silver or gold
WHY
MUST
THEY
BE
SO
POPULAR
i found something else out
whem people are negitive towards me i am overly happy towards them
today i had to fake being hapy so much i became peppier then a chearleading squad
my emotions want to die
i also really want to cry
because inside i hurt so much right now
but its because i care way too much...
and i keep getting close to crying
but i stop myself
because i hate showing weeknesses
so soon im going to watch a really sad movie and cry for maybe 3 hours
this hiding emotions cant be good for me.
Bob: "is it time to do random dedications???" *looks hopefull*
Shadowstich: "i dont think so bob" *yawns*
did i get your hopes up???
i dont think so
because that would be so creepy
aparently im a really creppy person
Situation#1
Shadowstich *appears in the missle of a shirt rack* "Hi. May i help YOU????"
Person 1 "AHHHHHH"
situation #2
Shadowstch:"hi your total comes to 10.50"
person 2: "ok" *pays*
Shadowstich: "Have a FUNtastical day"
(person one fainted)
Forwars: person one did not exist... except for in my co-workers mind
anyways
im just going to keep writing
because it makes me feel better
and i need to feel better
i wonder if there is a word limit
or if you just skim over my random ranting
i wonder a lot
new song stuff
yess its similer to away from here
but i like it
way different tune
as the days go by they fade in to your memories
and all thats left behind from them is uncertanties
and you question every move that you make
and your way to worried about making a mistake
and it feels like your falling
yeah feels like your falling
it feels like your falling
in love
thats all i really have right now
its a love song
if you cant tell
im repeating some words in my head right now
"my readers aree not idiots...my readers aree not idiots"
yes
i know you people are smart
otherwise i wouldnt put complicating wrds in this
if i ever do
ONOMATIPEIA
there you go
well my week is free except for wendsday
and i want to hang out with yu lovley people
so CALL
as i dont have computers on schooldays
or weekdays
whatever you want to call them
i noticed something else
when im trying not to cry i usually sing a song called
Better Than This
by
Busted
i dont know why
but it could be why i sing with a british accent sometimes
and just some words
i think
my feet hurt so much
it burns to walk on them
liustening to ignorance
words that stick out
"They wont let go... when you see them coming, please let me know"
i love those lines
"if fools were ment to fuck you then why do fools fall in love?"
very good question duggie
next song
i cant take my eyes off of you
from high school musical
i love ryan
cause hes so gay
and hes totally my vocal range one octive lower
birds and boats
by
gregory and the hawk
the most amaizing song
and it nearly is making me cry as i type it
it could be because its such a sweet song
or maybe because it reminds me of the paso
a little under a year ago
the scene: wabikon
triplet c is singing this cong
i miss everyone except this one girl
who really hated me
now its walk in the sun
which reminds me g... what happened to your teaching me
the reason i bring this up is because of the lines
"sitting and watching the world going by
is it true when we die we go up to the sky?
now its yellowcard and i will stop this for now
ah im feeling somewhat better now
because i needed to get some stuff out
even if it doesnt actually say anything
g... i know you read this, and its why i keep doing this...
and it always makes me feel better.
your a great guy, and you look so cute in your grade 10 yearbook pict...
i hope next year i can have you as a section leader.
N. well i just told you to read this.
i think your an absolutley amaizing gall
and im making you read this so i love you...
J. im so tired from the sleepover
but good times
coming soon you and me rockband
Zuli. im sorry... thats all i can say
is im so fucking sorry
C. have fun in quebec
me: your readers are not idiots...
bob... i hope your happy with fred
steph... there you go... anything new to go with bob and john???
and im off to bed as ive spent too long ttyping
so goodnight all
PEACE OUT
*starts hickuping*
well i *hick* had the hickups for *hic* 2 hours *hic* while i worked so i *hic* was like " hi *hic* can i *hic* help you *hic*
yes
it hurt after a few hours
goodnight
SHADOWSTICH THE TIRED
Monday, June 23, 2008
well
guess what
I HAVE A JOB
i also have a bruised foot
a bloody foot
a possibility of a bruise forming n my jaw...
oh yes
today was a great day
lets start with 2 m
talking to Zuli on the phone
fun times
and im about to go into a stage of not thinkinking as i write.
or correcting
see above
anyways
whats really been bugging me
is this
im overly "BRAVE" as some people say
as in im open with my feelings
and ive asked guys out
and ive gotten "your a great gal"
"your a funny cool fun person"
"your a great girl"
this is always followed by "BUT..."
if im so great why cant you see me that way?
if im so great then why have i been cheated on or used or both in pretty much every relationship.
well if you cant tell love is on my mind.
the feeling love is so overpowering
its when you feel like you want to puke but it somehow feels good
well thats how J views it when we talked last night
G. do you have the song recorded?? and i hope everything is going well, we have not talked lately except for the few texts... go on msn some time, or maybe coffee... ?
J. im sorry if my being insanely jealous was weird. but ive told you why.
we have to hang
and you are an amazing friend and im so glad to have you as a bff.
Zuli... well i will try to avoid being vague as much as possible, im learning... hopefully we can hang out soon, and sometime spar, cause in your car was not fare at all...
C... do you still read????? well we defiantly have to chill soon...
everyone else. tell me if you read, as i often leave messages for people
well im off to have a bath...
and then spend an hour deciding what to wear tomorrow
send a text if you want...
i dont bite much... except when im allowed to.
Shadowstich
guess what
I HAVE A JOB
i also have a bruised foot
a bloody foot
a possibility of a bruise forming n my jaw...
oh yes
today was a great day
lets start with 2 m
talking to Zuli on the phone
fun times
and im about to go into a stage of not thinkinking as i write.
or correcting
see above
anyways
whats really been bugging me
is this
im overly "BRAVE" as some people say
as in im open with my feelings
and ive asked guys out
and ive gotten "your a great gal"
"your a funny cool fun person"
"your a great girl"
this is always followed by "BUT..."
if im so great why cant you see me that way?
if im so great then why have i been cheated on or used or both in pretty much every relationship.
well if you cant tell love is on my mind.
the feeling love is so overpowering
its when you feel like you want to puke but it somehow feels good
well thats how J views it when we talked last night
G. do you have the song recorded?? and i hope everything is going well, we have not talked lately except for the few texts... go on msn some time, or maybe coffee... ?
J. im sorry if my being insanely jealous was weird. but ive told you why.
we have to hang
and you are an amazing friend and im so glad to have you as a bff.
Zuli... well i will try to avoid being vague as much as possible, im learning... hopefully we can hang out soon, and sometime spar, cause in your car was not fare at all...
C... do you still read????? well we defiantly have to chill soon...
everyone else. tell me if you read, as i often leave messages for people
well im off to have a bath...
and then spend an hour deciding what to wear tomorrow
send a text if you want...
i dont bite much... except when im allowed to.
Shadowstich
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
right now im listening to Make you Smile by +44 as i do math
favorite band right now: carbon leaf
favorite book: i duno
i kinda cut off on my last post
and if you read this, comment.
because im starting to wonder...
i think too much
and talk too much
and text too much... sorry
if my texting is too much, sorry
just tell me.
i get bored and text randomly
i need blunt sometimes
and i understand...
wow today
was
a
first
i hung with people from a group i was introduced to and compleatly enjoyed myself.
wow.
its such an odd feeling
i also hung with zuli
who is EVIL
but i love your stick zuli...
whats that?
faster than a roler coaster???
its zuli driving
way to go.
that was fun
anyways
love= constant confusion
life=fun
love+life= fun confusion???
me + math= oh crap... this won't end well
me+ sleep= probably a nesesity
me + bordom = this
hmm
songs you people should listen to
make you smile +44
carbon leaf in general
examples
life less ordinary
when im alone
i know the reason
any given day
mary mac (it sounds funny)
grey sky eyes
the war was in colour
what about everything
it goes on and on
i think i love music in general
and my horn
which is sexy
and it is my TOOL
haha
yeah
im really tired
so i will stop typing
before i say anything really stupid
dedication time?
why not
G. if i can help in any way tell me. if im being annoying tell me. i can face honesty, and i care about your mental wellbeing.
J. you rock, we have to hang. and walk on the field
Zuli. well its not a letter... its 4... but im tired. and i know a lot of people with your first name. i really like hanging out with you. i feel as if i can completely trust you
C. yes i cant forget you. you rock... please be section leader for procusionest as he cant be
steph. you are an amaizing gal, and we need to talk more.
thats all
if i missed anyone sorry
but i dont know who else reads this
favorite band right now: carbon leaf
favorite book: i duno
i kinda cut off on my last post
and if you read this, comment.
because im starting to wonder...
i think too much
and talk too much
and text too much... sorry
if my texting is too much, sorry
just tell me.
i get bored and text randomly
i need blunt sometimes
and i understand...
wow today
was
a
first
i hung with people from a group i was introduced to and compleatly enjoyed myself.
wow.
its such an odd feeling
i also hung with zuli
who is EVIL
but i love your stick zuli...
whats that?
faster than a roler coaster???
its zuli driving
way to go.
that was fun
anyways
love= constant confusion
life=fun
love+life= fun confusion???
me + math= oh crap... this won't end well
me+ sleep= probably a nesesity
me + bordom = this
hmm
songs you people should listen to
make you smile +44
carbon leaf in general
examples
life less ordinary
when im alone
i know the reason
any given day
mary mac (it sounds funny)
grey sky eyes
the war was in colour
what about everything
it goes on and on
i think i love music in general
and my horn
which is sexy
and it is my TOOL
haha
yeah
im really tired
so i will stop typing
before i say anything really stupid
dedication time?
why not
G. if i can help in any way tell me. if im being annoying tell me. i can face honesty, and i care about your mental wellbeing.
J. you rock, we have to hang. and walk on the field
Zuli. well its not a letter... its 4... but im tired. and i know a lot of people with your first name. i really like hanging out with you. i feel as if i can completely trust you
C. yes i cant forget you. you rock... please be section leader for procusionest as he cant be
steph. you are an amaizing gal, and we need to talk more.
thats all
if i missed anyone sorry
but i dont know who else reads this
Monday, June 16, 2008
finally on this again.
and i have so much to say.
this year is so different
i went to the cliffs yesterday
and i know i promised i wouldn't go alone
i went with Zuli.
i doubt he realized how much that meant to me.
the view is amazing
and i felt so butch in his jacket.
i wasn't drawn to it the same way i once was
it was nice
and i needed to go there
i could try forever to explain it to you
or i could just let you try and figure it out
ive changed a lot since this year begun.
new friends.
im a different person
i still love to sing
and yes i still sing with the British accent
i still play french horn
but i no longer blast away at it like i used to. now i actually play
i still write songs, but not so dark
i still talk to much
im sick of the game of truth... like seriously sick of it...
if you want to know something ASK.
i only started it because i wanted to get to know people better, but was too shy to ask directly
i write stories now.
i know how frajile life is
see my previous post
that made my view of life change so much
it shwed me how fragile life really is.
that could be why i needed to go there.
i no longer see my life ending before im 20
i no longer feel the need to inflict pain on myself
i like taking pictures with cameras... i just wish that people could see beauty in random places.
im still in martial arts
and hopefully soon purple...
im 1/4th past prequal, and know another 2/4 a lot better now.
i still dont like eating with your group
i dont feel comfortable around them
i like different things
your lunch time group has great people, but i dont know them, and they DONT know me
they never did.
im still slightly paronoid that you dont see me as a friend
but im getting over that.
if any one wants to talk to me do so
just because i dont go out of my way to talk to you doesnt mean im avoiding you, it just means im giving you space, but i wuld be happy to talk to you if you wanted
well this has stuff to random people, who read this, but still...
i still rant on...
i look forward to next year.
best thing about this year
band
and i have so much to say.
this year is so different
i went to the cliffs yesterday
and i know i promised i wouldn't go alone
i went with Zuli.
i doubt he realized how much that meant to me.
the view is amazing
and i felt so butch in his jacket.
i wasn't drawn to it the same way i once was
it was nice
and i needed to go there
i could try forever to explain it to you
or i could just let you try and figure it out
ive changed a lot since this year begun.
new friends.
im a different person
i still love to sing
and yes i still sing with the British accent
i still play french horn
but i no longer blast away at it like i used to. now i actually play
i still write songs, but not so dark
i still talk to much
im sick of the game of truth... like seriously sick of it...
if you want to know something ASK.
i only started it because i wanted to get to know people better, but was too shy to ask directly
i write stories now.
i know how frajile life is
see my previous post
that made my view of life change so much
it shwed me how fragile life really is.
that could be why i needed to go there.
i no longer see my life ending before im 20
i no longer feel the need to inflict pain on myself
i like taking pictures with cameras... i just wish that people could see beauty in random places.
im still in martial arts
and hopefully soon purple...
im 1/4th past prequal, and know another 2/4 a lot better now.
i still dont like eating with your group
i dont feel comfortable around them
i like different things
your lunch time group has great people, but i dont know them, and they DONT know me
they never did.
im still slightly paronoid that you dont see me as a friend
but im getting over that.
if any one wants to talk to me do so
just because i dont go out of my way to talk to you doesnt mean im avoiding you, it just means im giving you space, but i wuld be happy to talk to you if you wanted
well this has stuff to random people, who read this, but still...
i still rant on...
i look forward to next year.
best thing about this year
band
Saturday, June 14, 2008
well THAT was fun
ok
want to know what "what" is
i was taking the bus home from my sports med final
watching a movie on my mp3 player
then we stop and im like "why are we stopping" i was thinking that fyi
then "SHITTTTT"
cause then i see the old man on the ground
i had no clue what happened to him
so i go over to help
he is brought into the bus, and is bleading from 2 places
head and hand
the bus driver is being usless
and im like... "crap" another thought, so far i had yet to speek
then im trying to help the old man, first trying to figure out what happened
the problem is..... HE CANT SPEEK ANY ENGLISH
so im trying to figure out what happened...
thankfully a girl who saw told me and acted as a translator for me
it ends up that the olf man was runing after the bus, triped, fell against the bus, and banged his head on the bus then hit the ground.
there was no loss of concousness thankfully.
the bus driver is like "have some crappy bandaids, i will call the hospital because of transit proticol."
so we are waiting for the ambulence
my "translator" named Diana is asking the old man questions for me,
"do you feel any stabbing pains"
"no"
"what is your name"
he answered it, but i forgot, but was glad he was both cooperative, and able to answer various questions
i keep asking him questions through Diana, and he respons them
i ask the bus driver "do you have a first aid kit"
"i dont know"
my thought is WTF HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW?????
the ambulence comes and leaves, the old man stays in the bus, as he didnt needt to go to the hospital
the amblulence peoples ask the same things i did, and leave him with us, deciding he does not need to go with them.
5 minutes after they leave "hey there is a first aid kit" says the bus driver
we are waiting for another bus to come, as he cant drive the bus with droplets of blood on the ground
my thought is "how is your first aid kit so crappy???"
it consisted of...:
gauze
crappy bandaids
larger crappy bandaids
and antiseptic wipes
i had the old man clean his bloody injuries, his head was fine, but his hand was still bleeding 20 minutes later
cause the bus driver is like "have 2 crappy bandaids and you will be fine..."
not exactly what he said, but his actions spoke louder then his words, and thats what he did.
no one else on the bus knew any first aid, but Diana was very helpful
She was going to take the old man home, as she didnt want to leave him alone, and he lives down town
my thought were "i am so glad you are smarter then the bus driver"
i gave her instructions such as
"dont leave him alone, stand near him if he is walking, if he experiances and strange pains in head of chest, call 911 from a home phone" and all that other good stuff...
so yeah
the old man was fine when i left
but i really dont want any more practical exams
and the bus drivers really need to LEARN BASIC FIRST AID
ps this was suposed to be posted on thursday
ok
want to know what "what" is
i was taking the bus home from my sports med final
watching a movie on my mp3 player
then we stop and im like "why are we stopping" i was thinking that fyi
then "SHITTTTT"
cause then i see the old man on the ground
i had no clue what happened to him
so i go over to help
he is brought into the bus, and is bleading from 2 places
head and hand
the bus driver is being usless
and im like... "crap" another thought, so far i had yet to speek
then im trying to help the old man, first trying to figure out what happened
the problem is..... HE CANT SPEEK ANY ENGLISH
so im trying to figure out what happened...
thankfully a girl who saw told me and acted as a translator for me
it ends up that the olf man was runing after the bus, triped, fell against the bus, and banged his head on the bus then hit the ground.
there was no loss of concousness thankfully.
the bus driver is like "have some crappy bandaids, i will call the hospital because of transit proticol."
so we are waiting for the ambulence
my "translator" named Diana is asking the old man questions for me,
"do you feel any stabbing pains"
"no"
"what is your name"
he answered it, but i forgot, but was glad he was both cooperative, and able to answer various questions
i keep asking him questions through Diana, and he respons them
i ask the bus driver "do you have a first aid kit"
"i dont know"
my thought is WTF HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW?????
the ambulence comes and leaves, the old man stays in the bus, as he didnt needt to go to the hospital
the amblulence peoples ask the same things i did, and leave him with us, deciding he does not need to go with them.
5 minutes after they leave "hey there is a first aid kit" says the bus driver
we are waiting for another bus to come, as he cant drive the bus with droplets of blood on the ground
my thought is "how is your first aid kit so crappy???"
it consisted of...:
gauze
crappy bandaids
larger crappy bandaids
and antiseptic wipes
i had the old man clean his bloody injuries, his head was fine, but his hand was still bleeding 20 minutes later
cause the bus driver is like "have 2 crappy bandaids and you will be fine..."
not exactly what he said, but his actions spoke louder then his words, and thats what he did.
no one else on the bus knew any first aid, but Diana was very helpful
She was going to take the old man home, as she didnt want to leave him alone, and he lives down town
my thought were "i am so glad you are smarter then the bus driver"
i gave her instructions such as
"dont leave him alone, stand near him if he is walking, if he experiances and strange pains in head of chest, call 911 from a home phone" and all that other good stuff...
so yeah
the old man was fine when i left
but i really dont want any more practical exams
and the bus drivers really need to LEARN BASIC FIRST AID
ps this was suposed to be posted on thursday
Friday, June 6, 2008
70th post
another thing you dont know about me
i have a random growth on my left wrist
when im nervous a rub it
it is squishy
i will be singing in the coffee house show
it is in the theater on Tuesday from 4 to 5:30
i am getting my French horn tomorrow
i am so excited
life is going really well
and right now im trying to fix a song
another thing you dont know about me
i have a random growth on my left wrist
when im nervous a rub it
it is squishy
i will be singing in the coffee house show
it is in the theater on Tuesday from 4 to 5:30
i am getting my French horn tomorrow
i am so excited
life is going really well
and right now im trying to fix a song
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
things you may or may not know about me
im not always that talkative, especially in person
im afraid of needles
im afraid of baby talk
im afraid of clowns
i laugh when im in a lot of pain (except if the pain is in my face)
im somewhat afraid of being alone
i rarley lie.
sometimes i will start singing, and it rhymes and everything, and i forget it after i sing it.
im very paronoid
im both optimistic, and pesimistic, sometimes at the same time
im not always that talkative, especially in person
im afraid of needles
im afraid of baby talk
im afraid of clowns
i laugh when im in a lot of pain (except if the pain is in my face)
im somewhat afraid of being alone
i rarley lie.
sometimes i will start singing, and it rhymes and everything, and i forget it after i sing it.
im very paronoid
im both optimistic, and pesimistic, sometimes at the same time
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
ranting rant for the sake of ranting. (aka having fun with words)
There is a lot on my mind right now.
shall i start rambling
i think i shall
a guy who i'm kinda friends with, who supposedly does not like me wrote this
hey sweetheart, call me sometime? we'll go out for coffee or something
(insert phone number here) (insert heart here) (insert name here)
i am very confused about this.
this year i have a goal.
to not have my yearbook stolen and have fag written in it.
tomorrow we have band with three French horns, which will be interesting, and somewhat weird.
as i look through some comments already written in my yearbook, i see some really sweet comments, and some... interesting(?) ones...
this year has been so much better than grade 9.
yesterday one of my friends decided to smash a lacrosse ball into my left eye.
i didn't know my glasses could bend that way.
guess what happened today...
right eye... soccer ball.
yeah
I'm just skilled
SKILLED I SAY
this next portion is written due to reading someone else's blog
well today, other than having the guy write that in my yearbook, i also had a guy ask me out.
the thing is, I've gone through relationships, and in almost all, i have been either used, or cheated on. relationships are not all what they are cracked up to be.
i have friends, who have somehow never been hurt by love, and yes i envy one in particular, because they have been going through life, and it seems they have never been hurt.
to be honest, sometimes it really pisses me off.
ANYWAYS.
yes relationships are nice, but they are not everything. i envy you for not ever being in one.
i think you can probably see the downsides of relationships
see: me and some random guy who i will not name for examples
i think you deserve a great relationship
sadly, the world is not perfect and we don't all get what we deserve
see: Romeo and Juliet
well i think I'm done ranting for now
COMMENT FOR ONCE
Shadowstich
shall i start rambling
i think i shall
a guy who i'm kinda friends with, who supposedly does not like me wrote this
hey sweetheart, call me sometime? we'll go out for coffee or something
(insert phone number here) (insert heart here) (insert name here)
i am very confused about this.
this year i have a goal.
to not have my yearbook stolen and have fag written in it.
tomorrow we have band with three French horns, which will be interesting, and somewhat weird.
as i look through some comments already written in my yearbook, i see some really sweet comments, and some... interesting(?) ones...
this year has been so much better than grade 9.
yesterday one of my friends decided to smash a lacrosse ball into my left eye.
i didn't know my glasses could bend that way.
guess what happened today...
right eye... soccer ball.
yeah
I'm just skilled
SKILLED I SAY
this next portion is written due to reading someone else's blog
well today, other than having the guy write that in my yearbook, i also had a guy ask me out.
the thing is, I've gone through relationships, and in almost all, i have been either used, or cheated on. relationships are not all what they are cracked up to be.
i have friends, who have somehow never been hurt by love, and yes i envy one in particular, because they have been going through life, and it seems they have never been hurt.
to be honest, sometimes it really pisses me off.
ANYWAYS.
yes relationships are nice, but they are not everything. i envy you for not ever being in one.
i think you can probably see the downsides of relationships
see: me and some random guy who i will not name for examples
i think you deserve a great relationship
sadly, the world is not perfect and we don't all get what we deserve
see: Romeo and Juliet
well i think I'm done ranting for now
COMMENT FOR ONCE
Shadowstich
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
new story
Lightning flashed, lighting up the silhouette of three large wolves running towards a mountain of jagged rocks. They were thankful for the storm, as the rain would wash away their trail of paw prints. Other then the rare flash of lightning, the wolves were invisible in the darkness. One was almost twice the size of the other two, and had a coat of jet black. The other two were both gray, one with bright red eyes and white fur on the tips of his paws, the other had yellow eyes and was a dark grey. The two smaller wolves were very fast. The three wolves did not rest, running as if from a wild fire, and the jagged rock mountain was an island surrounded by a lake.
Minutes turned into hours as they slowly scaled the mountain, resting only once they had reached their destination, a cave that went deep into the mountain, with an entrance that was almost invisible. Their panting echoed through the cave. Only now did the two grey wolves see that the black one had a cloth bundle with him.
“Midnight… what, what have you brought with you?” the red eyed grey wolf asked with a deep husky voice.
Midnight was the large black wolf, named for the color of his fur. His father was the leader of the Shadow pack, one of the largest wolf packs in the area. Shadow pack had been the three wolves’ home, until the humans had attacked.
“is it food?” the yellow eyed grey wolf asked.
Before midnight could respond, the first grey wolf growled “Storm why must you always think with your stomach?”
“your hungry too Shadow, we were running for hours” Storm rumbled his protest.
“Storm, Shadow, stop with your bickering” Midnight hissed as the bundle started to squirm and a small black furry head poked out of the cloth that enclosed it. Midnight sniffed the small pup.
“you brought a pup! Who is he?” Shadows ears perked up as he approached the pup.
“she… her name is Carbon.” The large black wolf answered.
Minutes turned into hours as they slowly scaled the mountain, resting only once they had reached their destination, a cave that went deep into the mountain, with an entrance that was almost invisible. Their panting echoed through the cave. Only now did the two grey wolves see that the black one had a cloth bundle with him.
“Midnight… what, what have you brought with you?” the red eyed grey wolf asked with a deep husky voice.
Midnight was the large black wolf, named for the color of his fur. His father was the leader of the Shadow pack, one of the largest wolf packs in the area. Shadow pack had been the three wolves’ home, until the humans had attacked.
“is it food?” the yellow eyed grey wolf asked.
Before midnight could respond, the first grey wolf growled “Storm why must you always think with your stomach?”
“your hungry too Shadow, we were running for hours” Storm rumbled his protest.
“Storm, Shadow, stop with your bickering” Midnight hissed as the bundle started to squirm and a small black furry head poked out of the cloth that enclosed it. Midnight sniffed the small pup.
“you brought a pup! Who is he?” Shadows ears perked up as he approached the pup.
“she… her name is Carbon.” The large black wolf answered.
post 66
wow
if i could explain everything to you, i would, but i cant find the words to do so.
i feel as if i am slowly losing my mind.
half the time it feels as if the words i say are not my own, and my thoughts are not my own.
i feel as if im losing myself, but i know i must fight to hold on.
i need to figure out how to stop this without hurting you.
im sorry
for everything
wow
if i could explain everything to you, i would, but i cant find the words to do so.
i feel as if i am slowly losing my mind.
half the time it feels as if the words i say are not my own, and my thoughts are not my own.
i feel as if im losing myself, but i know i must fight to hold on.
i need to figure out how to stop this without hurting you.
im sorry
for everything
Thursday, May 15, 2008
well im in the band room
walking outside at 7 am really makes me feel betetr.
and the world looks like a better place
cause not many humans are out
there are frogs, geese and ducks, this pretty black singing bird, butterflies, misquitos
well not all of nature is nice
but life is full of mixed blessings
yin and yang
remember
life is 0nly as good as you make it
shadowstich
walking outside at 7 am really makes me feel betetr.
and the world looks like a better place
cause not many humans are out
there are frogs, geese and ducks, this pretty black singing bird, butterflies, misquitos
well not all of nature is nice
but life is full of mixed blessings
yin and yang
remember
life is 0nly as good as you make it
shadowstich
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
well i 'm at school, finished my part of a powerpoint on LCL sprains
and i realised i have not updated this recently
what to say
G: things have been somewhat rough lately, and i have not been very talkative towards you, mostly because my hamstring sprain has left me in a very foul mood, and has left me feeling trapped and very bitchy, and i dont want to take it out on you
A(the one who knows G): i really hope that things get better for you. saying that ive gone through the same thing may be thr truth, but it probably doesnt make you feel better. i ment what i said yesterday, if there is any way i can help, just tell me and i will help you.
J: im really happy for you, and i hope everything goes well with that. good luck this week.
C: how can you not kill the percussionists . i really hope things go well with you and your man.
Z (since s is used too much) im glad you and i have been talking alot latley, and i love your webcam. it makes me happy. you have been very good at de-stressing me, and your a great guy. i freally hope you can make it on friday
everyone else: if you want me to say stuf towards you, just say so.
fyi i dont have use of computers or tv on school days.
you can call my cell anytime (within reason) or text me (i have texting now)
take care
Shadowstich
and i realised i have not updated this recently
what to say
G: things have been somewhat rough lately, and i have not been very talkative towards you, mostly because my hamstring sprain has left me in a very foul mood, and has left me feeling trapped and very bitchy, and i dont want to take it out on you
A(the one who knows G): i really hope that things get better for you. saying that ive gone through the same thing may be thr truth, but it probably doesnt make you feel better. i ment what i said yesterday, if there is any way i can help, just tell me and i will help you.
J: im really happy for you, and i hope everything goes well with that. good luck this week.
C: how can you not kill the percussionists . i really hope things go well with you and your man.
Z (since s is used too much) im glad you and i have been talking alot latley, and i love your webcam. it makes me happy. you have been very good at de-stressing me, and your a great guy. i freally hope you can make it on friday
everyone else: if you want me to say stuf towards you, just say so.
fyi i dont have use of computers or tv on school days.
you can call my cell anytime (within reason) or text me (i have texting now)
take care
Shadowstich
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
bipolar???
well i think every things better
but one of my friends thinks i may be bi-polar
definition
Bipolar disorder is not a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders defined by the presence of one or more episodes of abnormally elevated mood, clinically referred to as mania. Individuals who experience manic episodes also commonly experience depressive episodes or symptoms, or mixed episodes in which features of both mania and depression are present. These episodes are normally separated by periods of normal mood, but in some patients, depression and mania may rapidly alternate
i think she may be right
kinda scary thought
but its the most accurate thing i have right now
and im trying to figure things out
but its really hard
but i need to keep my spirits up
even tho i may not be able to go to martial arts for awhile
as ive injured my hip, and need to see a doctor or chiropractor
but one of my friends thinks i may be bi-polar
definition
Bipolar disorder is not a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders defined by the presence of one or more episodes of abnormally elevated mood, clinically referred to as mania. Individuals who experience manic episodes also commonly experience depressive episodes or symptoms, or mixed episodes in which features of both mania and depression are present. These episodes are normally separated by periods of normal mood, but in some patients, depression and mania may rapidly alternate
i think she may be right
kinda scary thought
but its the most accurate thing i have right now
and im trying to figure things out
but its really hard
but i need to keep my spirits up
even tho i may not be able to go to martial arts for awhile
as ive injured my hip, and need to see a doctor or chiropractor
Saturday, May 3, 2008
well hello
I AM NOT NAMING HIM BUTTERBALL
and anyways
at this poing he is BUTTER BLOB
cause he keeps growing
and growing
so much has been on my mind
im lacking in sleep
and confused
cause im wondering how i can like this guy, when we dont have much in common, at all.
and ive finally learned not to rush into things
why is lucario my lover?
because b probably realised that i cant keep a guy
longest relationship
under 2 weeks
with a guy who ended up saying i was possessed by a demon and tried to ward me of with a bible and cross
yeah
and shortest
under 30 hours
ive dated 5 guys
and whats my luck
NILLLLLL
but oh well
lucario is a sexy beast
hes ALL MINE
XD
um
yeah
i still dont understand hoe one guy thought i would be scared by listening to death metal or whatever he called it
right now im listening to techno
and updating this
cause of course you wont know im updating this...
everything in life changes
it would of been easier if you didnt lie in the first place
ive said this before
and i say it now
what doesnt kill me makes me stronger
altho i would of prefered this not to happen
i guess i knew deep down it would
and because ive faced it before.
so you know what?
if you ever want to talk to me, then fine, i will talk to you back
but i understand.
shadowstich
I AM NOT NAMING HIM BUTTERBALL
and anyways
at this poing he is BUTTER BLOB
cause he keeps growing
and growing
so much has been on my mind
im lacking in sleep
and confused
cause im wondering how i can like this guy, when we dont have much in common, at all.
and ive finally learned not to rush into things
why is lucario my lover?
because b probably realised that i cant keep a guy
longest relationship
under 2 weeks
with a guy who ended up saying i was possessed by a demon and tried to ward me of with a bible and cross
yeah
and shortest
under 30 hours
ive dated 5 guys
and whats my luck
NILLLLLL
but oh well
lucario is a sexy beast
hes ALL MINE
XD
um
yeah
i still dont understand hoe one guy thought i would be scared by listening to death metal or whatever he called it
right now im listening to techno
and updating this
cause of course you wont know im updating this...
everything in life changes
it would of been easier if you didnt lie in the first place
ive said this before
and i say it now
what doesnt kill me makes me stronger
altho i would of prefered this not to happen
i guess i knew deep down it would
and because ive faced it before.
so you know what?
if you ever want to talk to me, then fine, i will talk to you back
but i understand.
shadowstich
Thursday, May 1, 2008
well im back in the band room...
i now have 2 videos of me singing on youtube, both need to be re-done
cause one is pure crap
and the other could be way better
i dont know whether i should kill a friend or thank him
i happen to like my friend's (now known as S) friend (known now as A)
(neither of these names have come up before i dont think)
anyways... i asked S who is friends with A if i'd ever have a chance with A
s didnt know,
so i brilliantly asked him to ask A in a way that didn't reveal my feelings
he said he would
but i think there was major Miss-communication
and he proceeded to ask A out for me
not a bad thing
but thankfully A said no, as he doesnt really know me.
im not looking for a relationship right now
and my next one, i plan to go slowly with, as i've finally learned from my mistakes.
i didnt make the talent show
and im making some changes to the song (just the music)
this is what they said
Hey shadowstich, I apologize if person 1 was really rude to you today, and even if I was too, I am sorry. A lot was going on so I wasn't really paying attention. So basically, because you didn't show up, and because we were really tight on our schedule and we were not certain whether or not you were prepared, it was a unanimous decision to not have you be a performer for the talent show. We're really sorry shadowstich. It was a really hard decision, and we'd like to thank you for getting the courage and coming out to sing for us. Keep on writing those wonderful songs!
atleast they were nice about it
ive been slightly (or more then slightly) bitter about not making it
but what doesn't kill me will make me stronger.
this gives me more time to learn how to use the program and make my music better
and write new songs
with my songwriting, ive been having a lot of difficulty,as with being no longer depressed, depressing songs are hard to right
and i suck at happy or love songs
my next song is in the making, but it will take some time.
ive realised something
im not friends with anyone i was friends with in junior high who is in my school now
H,Sa,J, were not really friends at that point
and well... most will know i only really had Em, random druggies, and Er (who is now in ontario) and Am(who is in abe)
but now i have new friends, who i feel as if i belong with them.
altho sometimes i wonder if some people do consider me friends, or if they dont want to hurt me by telling me to go away, i just wish i knew the answer.
ive had people i thought were friends end up hating me...
not the most fun feeling and awkward, as one of the people... well i train with her dad, who knows nothing of the fight.
thankfully i was able to spar last night, and altho i am very sore, im calm, and not about to blow up, which ive been at the brink of doing. and after the weekend i had... id say its understandable
but anyways
im off
shadowstich
i now have 2 videos of me singing on youtube, both need to be re-done
cause one is pure crap
and the other could be way better
i dont know whether i should kill a friend or thank him
i happen to like my friend's (now known as S) friend (known now as A)
(neither of these names have come up before i dont think)
anyways... i asked S who is friends with A if i'd ever have a chance with A
s didnt know,
so i brilliantly asked him to ask A in a way that didn't reveal my feelings
he said he would
but i think there was major Miss-communication
and he proceeded to ask A out for me
not a bad thing
but thankfully A said no, as he doesnt really know me.
im not looking for a relationship right now
and my next one, i plan to go slowly with, as i've finally learned from my mistakes.
i didnt make the talent show
and im making some changes to the song (just the music)
this is what they said
Hey shadowstich, I apologize if person 1 was really rude to you today, and even if I was too, I am sorry. A lot was going on so I wasn't really paying attention. So basically, because you didn't show up, and because we were really tight on our schedule and we were not certain whether or not you were prepared, it was a unanimous decision to not have you be a performer for the talent show. We're really sorry shadowstich. It was a really hard decision, and we'd like to thank you for getting the courage and coming out to sing for us. Keep on writing those wonderful songs!
atleast they were nice about it
ive been slightly (or more then slightly) bitter about not making it
but what doesn't kill me will make me stronger.
this gives me more time to learn how to use the program and make my music better
and write new songs
with my songwriting, ive been having a lot of difficulty,as with being no longer depressed, depressing songs are hard to right
and i suck at happy or love songs
my next song is in the making, but it will take some time.
ive realised something
im not friends with anyone i was friends with in junior high who is in my school now
H,Sa,J, were not really friends at that point
and well... most will know i only really had Em, random druggies, and Er (who is now in ontario) and Am(who is in abe)
but now i have new friends, who i feel as if i belong with them.
altho sometimes i wonder if some people do consider me friends, or if they dont want to hurt me by telling me to go away, i just wish i knew the answer.
ive had people i thought were friends end up hating me...
not the most fun feeling and awkward, as one of the people... well i train with her dad, who knows nothing of the fight.
thankfully i was able to spar last night, and altho i am very sore, im calm, and not about to blow up, which ive been at the brink of doing. and after the weekend i had... id say its understandable
but anyways
im off
shadowstich
Friday, April 18, 2008
change re-arrange
hey
im in the library, as the band room is not open
im listening to carbon leaf as i type this
whats this?
i have a song i dont think i have posted
so here it is
its called change re-arrange
moonlight guides the way
night turns into day
the stars in the sky
keep us asking why
as everything changed
life was re-arranged
and nothing we do
can keep our hearts true
as day fades to night
nothing is alright
as lies run amiss
no way to fix this
as everything changed
life was re-arranged
and nothing we do
can keep our hearts true
the result is pain
and going insane
and everyone dies
amidst the sad cries
as everything changed
life was re-arranged
and nothing we do
can keep our hearts true
stuck in this nightmare
no one seems to care
they think they're the best
forget all the rest
as everything changed
life was re-arranged
and nothing we do
can keep our hearts true
im in the library, as the band room is not open
im listening to carbon leaf as i type this
whats this?
i have a song i dont think i have posted
so here it is
its called change re-arrange
moonlight guides the way
night turns into day
the stars in the sky
keep us asking why
as everything changed
life was re-arranged
and nothing we do
can keep our hearts true
as day fades to night
nothing is alright
as lies run amiss
no way to fix this
as everything changed
life was re-arranged
and nothing we do
can keep our hearts true
the result is pain
and going insane
and everyone dies
amidst the sad cries
as everything changed
life was re-arranged
and nothing we do
can keep our hearts true
stuck in this nightmare
no one seems to care
they think they're the best
forget all the rest
as everything changed
life was re-arranged
and nothing we do
can keep our hearts true
Thursday, April 17, 2008
its 8:10
and im in the band room
does anyone know how to use siblius?
cause im somewhat confused
yesterday was the talent show auditions and i sang "Away from here"
some of you may recall that i wrote it.
well right now im working on the music for it.
life gets so confusing
i have a new pet
its a dwarf hamster
his name is Eric (Eric Ashley-pit) (from great escape)
he is a golden dwarf who, we found out later, is very teritorial and will kill any intruders
thankfully my mum was able to save cricket (her hamster)
and we now have two cages
eric had decided to run on his wheel from 1 am to 4 am
did i forget to mention?
his wheel squeaks
so i am very tired
well
peace
shadowstich
and im in the band room
does anyone know how to use siblius?
cause im somewhat confused
yesterday was the talent show auditions and i sang "Away from here"
some of you may recall that i wrote it.
well right now im working on the music for it.
life gets so confusing
i have a new pet
its a dwarf hamster
his name is Eric (Eric Ashley-pit) (from great escape)
he is a golden dwarf who, we found out later, is very teritorial and will kill any intruders
thankfully my mum was able to save cricket (her hamster)
and we now have two cages
eric had decided to run on his wheel from 1 am to 4 am
did i forget to mention?
his wheel squeaks
so i am very tired
well
peace
shadowstich
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
well my last post ended on a bad note
most of what i have to say has been said (check your blog boi)
something else i'd like to add is this
altho i am trying to change, and learn everything
sometimes i find the amount of information you give me overwhelming.
if it gets to a point in a conversation when i need you to stop, i will tell you
that does not mean stop everything
it just means that i need a break from all of it
i truly appreciate you trying to teach me
and i hope if i have to tell you to stop talking about that stuff, that you wont get offended.
and to everyone else
what i said about meddling with my love life
i dont want to be in a relationship right now
im going through other changes
changes that in my opinion are alot more important then any relationship could be.
and to those who have no clue what the change is
ITS NOT A SEX CHANGE
well i have DANCE
ye-yeah
to J: yes our friendship has had some small issues, but true friendship can get over all of that, and it has. i love you, and im pretty sure your in the other room
to A (if you ever decide to read this): i understand that you dont like sharing information about your life. im sorry if i offended you the other day, and im sorry if i try to push information out of you. i know i can be very annoying sometimes. i hope that everything goes well for you.
to G: look up, and also at your blog. thanks
to C: you are an awesome girl, but please no more molesting me when im stuck in a couch, at least not when j is filming it. <3 and im afraid because im afraid of change.
to everyone else... i hope your life is going well.
take care all
Shadowstich
most of what i have to say has been said (check your blog boi)
something else i'd like to add is this
altho i am trying to change, and learn everything
sometimes i find the amount of information you give me overwhelming.
if it gets to a point in a conversation when i need you to stop, i will tell you
that does not mean stop everything
it just means that i need a break from all of it
i truly appreciate you trying to teach me
and i hope if i have to tell you to stop talking about that stuff, that you wont get offended.
and to everyone else
what i said about meddling with my love life
i dont want to be in a relationship right now
im going through other changes
changes that in my opinion are alot more important then any relationship could be.
and to those who have no clue what the change is
ITS NOT A SEX CHANGE
well i have DANCE
ye-yeah
to J: yes our friendship has had some small issues, but true friendship can get over all of that, and it has. i love you, and im pretty sure your in the other room
to A (if you ever decide to read this): i understand that you dont like sharing information about your life. im sorry if i offended you the other day, and im sorry if i try to push information out of you. i know i can be very annoying sometimes. i hope that everything goes well for you.
to G: look up, and also at your blog. thanks
to C: you are an awesome girl, but please no more molesting me when im stuck in a couch, at least not when j is filming it. <3 and im afraid because im afraid of change.
to everyone else... i hope your life is going well.
take care all
Shadowstich
well guess what
im at school
in the band room...
for the first time in ages
and im gonna be in here more often again
as i try to figure out how to use sibelius
cause im trying to write a guitar peice for afew songs
and i have no clue what im doing
favorite song right now: comfort (by carbon leaf)
if you have time... listen to it
cause its an awesome song
sorry ive not been updateing this
ive been busy
and you know what random people who are still my friends but are not usually readers?
stop medeling with my love life
i would of been better off not knowing that the girl i am compleatly crushing on wouldnt date me even if she was single because she thinks it would be too awkward.
i also dont need to know who has a crush on me
well im must go do other things
peace
shadowstich
im at school
in the band room...
for the first time in ages
and im gonna be in here more often again
as i try to figure out how to use sibelius
cause im trying to write a guitar peice for afew songs
and i have no clue what im doing
favorite song right now: comfort (by carbon leaf)
if you have time... listen to it
cause its an awesome song
sorry ive not been updateing this
ive been busy
and you know what random people who are still my friends but are not usually readers?
stop medeling with my love life
i would of been better off not knowing that the girl i am compleatly crushing on wouldnt date me even if she was single because she thinks it would be too awkward.
i also dont need to know who has a crush on me
well im must go do other things
peace
shadowstich
Friday, March 28, 2008
do i need a title?
well right now im going through changes, and a few of you know the major one.
i have to keep it quiet for now, as im not sure how my parents will take it
the other is im going to be wearing darker clothing (kinda goth)
dont worry, im not depressed or anything.
im the opposite of depressed
i think the term is
overjoyed, happy, joyfull, anti depressed?
fill in the blank.
this is mostly thanks to one friend, whom i have been talking to as i write this.
im learning alot right now,
im stubborn and curious
sorry G and Ally
you both will get a lot of questions directed at you (but not on here, this is just a fore word)
some day i will share what the topic of this post is, but im not ready for it yet
this is all so new
and to be honest, im afraid, of this... maybe, of my parents knowing, defiantly, and im afraid of other things, i cant explain, as i dont know myself,
im somewhat afraid of big changes, and this is a huge one.
im glad i have friends to guide me,teach me, help me, accept me, understand me, listen to me, the list goes on and on
thanks so much.
there are no words to describe how thank full i am to have become your friend. (this applies to anyone except the random creepers)
sincerely
Shadowstich
Thursday, March 20, 2008
sorry that it has taken me so long to write again.
life has been keeping me busy, and confused
right now i am very sore, as i was in martial arts last night.
spring break starts tomorrow, and many, including myself, are excited about it.
recently our two school bands went to edmonton.
it was a fun experience, but im still tired out from it.
i dont have much to way right now, but there are a few things
perverted knight... do you still read this? (you know very well who you are <3)
who else reads this?
i am curious...
but alas, i must go do other things.
ttfn
Shadowstich
life has been keeping me busy, and confused
right now i am very sore, as i was in martial arts last night.
spring break starts tomorrow, and many, including myself, are excited about it.
recently our two school bands went to edmonton.
it was a fun experience, but im still tired out from it.
i dont have much to way right now, but there are a few things
perverted knight... do you still read this? (you know very well who you are <3)
who else reads this?
i am curious...
but alas, i must go do other things.
ttfn
Shadowstich
Monday, March 3, 2008
Too Late
Everyone consumed by pain
All your words so full of hate
Everyone has gone insane
And now it’s just way too late
It’s too late to say goodbye
And too late for things to change
I’m sick of living these lies
Everything is so deranged
All the empty words I heard
Every stupid thing you did
Actions spoke louder then words
And in constant lies you hid
It’s too late to say goodbye
And too late for things to change
I’m sick of living these lies
Everything is so deranged
You can’t take everything back
Your hatred will take its toll
And just like a heart attack
You are losing all control
It’s too late to say goodbye
And too late for things to change
I’m sick of living these lies
Everything is so deranged
And now its just too late
(thats my newest song.)
Monday, February 25, 2008
ha ha
hey all.
sorry its been so long.
and i have so much to say and so little time.
im listening to carbon leaf (yes G, i actually like them alot)
and im confused and am suffering from high emotions.
this is not helped by the fact my fish died today
and love is a confusing thing
but whatever...
ive had people ask me why i havnt updated this
i didnt know you people read this.
cool
yeah
so much to say
how to put it down
to one reader who faced my wrath yesterday
im very... very sorry.
to another
love is confusing. stay loyal
and i know what your going through. i went through it too, and still am.
the three who check this most. G, J, and C. thanks
j and c
we have to like jam or something
c, yeah i know how it goes, but i need some help with the music
and j, your help would be awesome too
im running out of time
AHHHH
yes.
im typing without thinking
this wont end well
im working on another song
and taoh is doing GREAT
im hoping i can get another to read this.
and i need to stop meating new people
but im glad you introduced me to him G, no i dont see him that way.
why do guys assume im going to ask them out
talking to one guy then suddenly
"you do know im not going to go out with you... right"
i think my responce was WHAT??????????????
yeah
do i flirt with everyone or something
probably.
it was a foggy morning.
yeah
well are you guys happy
here is an UPDATE
anything you want/need to know... ask
sorry its been so long.
and i have so much to say and so little time.
im listening to carbon leaf (yes G, i actually like them alot)
and im confused and am suffering from high emotions.
this is not helped by the fact my fish died today
and love is a confusing thing
but whatever...
ive had people ask me why i havnt updated this
i didnt know you people read this.
cool
yeah
so much to say
how to put it down
to one reader who faced my wrath yesterday
im very... very sorry.
to another
love is confusing. stay loyal
and i know what your going through. i went through it too, and still am.
the three who check this most. G, J, and C. thanks
j and c
we have to like jam or something
c, yeah i know how it goes, but i need some help with the music
and j, your help would be awesome too
im running out of time
AHHHH
yes.
im typing without thinking
this wont end well
im working on another song
and taoh is doing GREAT
im hoping i can get another to read this.
and i need to stop meating new people
but im glad you introduced me to him G, no i dont see him that way.
why do guys assume im going to ask them out
talking to one guy then suddenly
"you do know im not going to go out with you... right"
i think my responce was WHAT??????????????
yeah
do i flirt with everyone or something
probably.
it was a foggy morning.
yeah
well are you guys happy
here is an UPDATE
anything you want/need to know... ask
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
away from here
watching the stars at night
and yet another fight
still dont know what to say
the words just fade away
and i just wanna see
memories disapear
and i just wanna be
somewhere away from here
as day by day goes by
and yet another lie
the time goes by so fast
and now its in the past
and i just wanna see
memories disapear
and i just wanna be
somewhere away from here
and it all fell apart
peices of broken heart
you wern't you anymore
when you walked out the door
did we have everything
or even anything
all of this came un-done
and there's no where to run
and i just wanna see
memories disapear
and i just wanna be
somewhere away from here
and yet another fight
still dont know what to say
the words just fade away
and i just wanna see
memories disapear
and i just wanna be
somewhere away from here
as day by day goes by
and yet another lie
the time goes by so fast
and now its in the past
and i just wanna see
memories disapear
and i just wanna be
somewhere away from here
and it all fell apart
peices of broken heart
you wern't you anymore
when you walked out the door
did we have everything
or even anything
all of this came un-done
and there's no where to run
and i just wanna see
memories disapear
and i just wanna be
somewhere away from here
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
everyone has weaknesses.
all you have to do is figure out what they are.
once you know that, its so easy to break someone,
sticks and stones may break bones, but words, they hurt much worse.
mental issues can do so much more harm then physical issues...
cause you can be fine physically, and still wish life would end, hate each day that goes on...
or you could have every bone in your body broken, but still be happy.
such an interesting thing, the way minds work.
animals are not cruel, they don't torture someone, they dont bully someone.
humans on the other hand, well...
we have wars...
depression
suicide
all this lovely stuff...
if humans are really above animals... then its a sad world we live in.
cause we, the human race... we need to stop being evil. thats the only word i can think of to describe us.
all you have to do is figure out what they are.
once you know that, its so easy to break someone,
sticks and stones may break bones, but words, they hurt much worse.
mental issues can do so much more harm then physical issues...
cause you can be fine physically, and still wish life would end, hate each day that goes on...
or you could have every bone in your body broken, but still be happy.
such an interesting thing, the way minds work.
animals are not cruel, they don't torture someone, they dont bully someone.
humans on the other hand, well...
we have wars...
depression
suicide
all this lovely stuff...
if humans are really above animals... then its a sad world we live in.
cause we, the human race... we need to stop being evil. thats the only word i can think of to describe us.
shadowstich
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
dragon
life can get so confusing sometimes.
i guess we all have to just keep holding on, ride through the hard times, cause there is always better to come after the bad.
grade 9 i was really depressed, and suicidal, look at me now
so much has changed for the better.
most of my old friends i dont really talk to anymore
but i have some AWESOME new friends.
i have one exam left. and its going to be FUN
cause its science.
wait... thats why they call me science girl
lol
electronics class was fun.
but some days desturbing...
everything has a yin and yang side to it
ive decided when i do get a tattoo it will be a nickle sized yin yang on my left wrist.
yeah
love you all
peace
shadowstich
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