well j you owe me a sleepover and night of playing rockband
yes
last night couldnt happen the way we had hoped
but
sei la vie
which means
such is life


yes
work
when my boss was hiring me she interviewed me
and her response to almost everything was
"cute"
and im like
"cute???"
CUTE????
that makes no sence at all
me cute???
ha
im not cute

it was really creepy
my thoughts were
what is she really thinking
im not cute
so is cute just what she really thinks
or is she thinking im a moron

well she hired me so....


its cause im a moron

there we go

listening to still alive right now
and im forcing g to do the same
thanks muchly g

yes i love that song

i dont have much tomsay right now
because right now i am compleatly content with life
and i want to SING

so badly


well im off to talk to g
later random people reading this
Shadowstich

well
im in write rapidly mood
because i want to take my mind off things
why
because my currint situation is a horid one
i got 62 in math... so i need to pay a teacher from school to teach me both 10 and 20 pure in the month of july
oh yay
love is a horibvle wonderfull feeling
and the only way i can describe how i feel is this
its from a manga called "Loveless"
"i want to be around you... but... it hurts to be around you"

work...
yes i have a job at a place that sells silver shprts.
and crocs
whats with crocs that make them so popular
they look stupid and are silver or gold
WHY
MUST
THEY
BE
SO
POPULAR


i found something else out
whem people are negitive towards me i am overly happy towards them
today i had to fake being hapy so much i became peppier then a chearleading squad

my emotions want to die

i also really want to cry
because inside i hurt so much right now
but its because i care way too much...
and i keep getting close to crying
but i stop myself
because i hate showing weeknesses
so soon im going to watch a really sad movie and cry for maybe 3 hours

this hiding emotions cant be good for me.

Bob: "is it time to do random dedications???" *looks hopefull*
Shadowstich: "i dont think so bob" *yawns*



did i get your hopes up???
i dont think so

because that would be so creepy


aparently im a really creppy person
Situation#1
Shadowstich *appears in the missle of a shirt rack* "Hi. May i help YOU????"
Person 1 "AHHHHHH"


situation #2
Shadowstch:"hi your total comes to 10.50"
person 2: "ok" *pays*
Shadowstich: "Have a FUNtastical day"
(person one fainted)


Forwars: person one did not exist... except for in my co-workers mind




anyways
im just going to keep writing
because it makes me feel better


and i need to feel better
i wonder if there is a word limit
or if you just skim over my random ranting

i wonder a lot


new song stuff
yess its similer to away from here
but i like it


way different tune

as the days go by they fade in to your memories

and all thats left behind from them is uncertanties

and you question every move that you make

and your way to worried about making a mistake

and it feels like your falling

yeah feels like your falling

it feels like your falling

in love

thats all i really have right now


its a love song
if you cant tell


im repeating some words in my head right now
"my readers aree not idiots...my readers aree not idiots"

yes
i know you people are smart


otherwise i wouldnt put complicating wrds in this

if i ever do
ONOMATIPEIA
there you go

well my week is free except for wendsday
and i want to hang out with yu lovley people
so CALL
as i dont have computers on schooldays
or weekdays
whatever you want to call them

i noticed something else
when im trying not to cry i usually sing a song called
Better Than This
by
Busted



i dont know why
but it could be why i sing with a british accent sometimes
and just some words
i think


my feet hurt so much
it burns to walk on them


liustening to ignorance
words that stick out
"They wont let go... when you see them coming, please let me know"

i love those lines
"if fools were ment to fuck you then why do fools fall in love?"
very good question duggie

next song
i cant take my eyes off of you
from high school musical
i love ryan
cause hes so gay
and hes totally my vocal range one octive lower


birds and boats
by
gregory and the hawk
the most amaizing song
and it nearly is making me cry as i type it
it could be because its such a sweet song
or maybe because it reminds me of the paso
a little under a year ago
the scene: wabikon
triplet c is singing this cong

i miss everyone except this one girl
who really hated me

now its walk in the sun
which reminds me g... what happened to your teaching me

the reason i bring this up is because of the lines
"sitting and watching the world going by
is it true when we die we go up to the sky?

now its yellowcard and i will stop this for now


ah im feeling somewhat better now
because i needed to get some stuff out
even if it doesnt actually say anything
g... i know you read this, and its why i keep doing this...
and it always makes me feel better.
your a great guy, and you look so cute in your grade 10 yearbook pict...
i hope next year i can have you as a section leader.

N. well i just told you to read this.
i think your an absolutley amaizing gall
and im making you read this so i love you...

J. im so tired from the sleepover
but good times
coming soon you and me rockband

Zuli. im sorry... thats all i can say
is im so fucking sorry

C. have fun in quebec

me: your readers are not idiots...

bob... i hope your happy with fred

steph... there you go... anything new to go with bob and john???

and im off to bed as ive spent too long ttyping
so goodnight all
PEACE OUT
*starts hickuping*
well i *hick* had the hickups for *hic* 2 hours *hic* while i worked so i *hic* was like " hi *hic* can i *hic* help you *hic*

yes
it hurt after a few hours

goodnight
SHADOWSTICH THE TIRED

well
guess what
I HAVE A JOB
i also have a bruised foot
a bloody foot
a possibility of a bruise forming n my jaw...
oh yes
today was a great day
lets start with 2 m
talking to Zuli on the phone
fun times
and im about to go into a stage of not thinkinking as i write.
or correcting
see above
anyways
whats really been bugging me
is this
im overly "BRAVE" as some people say
as in im open with my feelings
and ive asked guys out
and ive gotten "your a great gal"
"your a funny cool fun person"
"your a great girl"
this is always followed by "BUT..."
if im so great why cant you see me that way?
if im so great then why have i been cheated on or used or both in pretty much every relationship.

well if you cant tell love is on my mind.
the feeling love is so overpowering
its when you feel like you want to puke but it somehow feels good
well thats how J views it when we talked last night

G. do you have the song recorded?? and i hope everything is going well, we have not talked lately except for the few texts... go on msn some time, or maybe coffee... ?

J. im sorry if my being insanely jealous was weird. but ive told you why.
we have to hang
and you are an amazing friend and im so glad to have you as a bff.

Zuli... well i will try to avoid being vague as much as possible, im learning... hopefully we can hang out soon, and sometime spar, cause in your car was not fare at all...

C... do you still read????? well we defiantly have to chill soon...

everyone else. tell me if you read, as i often leave messages for people

well im off to have a bath...
and then spend an hour deciding what to wear tomorrow
send a text if you want...
i dont bite much... except when im allowed to.


Shadowstich

right now im listening to Make you Smile by +44 as i do math
favorite band right now: carbon leaf
favorite book: i duno
i kinda cut off on my last post
and if you read this, comment.
because im starting to wonder...
i think too much
and talk too much
and text too much... sorry
if my texting is too much, sorry
just tell me.
i get bored and text randomly
i need blunt sometimes
and i understand...
wow today
was
a
first
i hung with people from a group i was introduced to and compleatly enjoyed myself.
wow.
its such an odd feeling
i also hung with zuli
who is EVIL
but i love your stick zuli...
whats that?
faster than a roler coaster???
its zuli driving
way to go.
that was fun

anyways

love= constant confusion
life=fun
love+life= fun confusion???
me + math= oh crap... this won't end well
me+ sleep= probably a nesesity
me + bordom = this
hmm
songs you people should listen to
make you smile +44
carbon leaf in general
examples
life less ordinary
when im alone
i know the reason
any given day
mary mac (it sounds funny)
grey sky eyes
the war was in colour
what about everything



it goes on and on

i think i love music in general

and my horn
which is sexy

and it is my TOOL
haha
yeah
im really tired

so i will stop typing
before i say anything really stupid
dedication time?
why not
G. if i can help in any way tell me. if im being annoying tell me. i can face honesty, and i care about your mental wellbeing.
J. you rock, we have to hang. and walk on the field
Zuli. well its not a letter... its 4... but im tired. and i know a lot of people with your first name. i really like hanging out with you. i feel as if i can completely trust you
C. yes i cant forget you. you rock... please be section leader for procusionest as he cant be
steph. you are an amaizing gal, and we need to talk more.

thats all
if i missed anyone sorry
but i dont know who else reads this

finally on this again.
and i have so much to say.
this year is so different
i went to the cliffs yesterday
and i know i promised i wouldn't go alone
i went with Zuli.
i doubt he realized how much that meant to me.
the view is amazing
and i felt so butch in his jacket.
i wasn't drawn to it the same way i once was
it was nice
and i needed to go there
i could try forever to explain it to you
or i could just let you try and figure it out
ive changed a lot since this year begun.
new friends.
im a different person
i still love to sing
and yes i still sing with the British accent
i still play french horn
but i no longer blast away at it like i used to. now i actually play
i still write songs, but not so dark
i still talk to much
im sick of the game of truth... like seriously sick of it...
if you want to know something ASK.
i only started it because i wanted to get to know people better, but was too shy to ask directly
i write stories now.
i know how frajile life is
see my previous post
that made my view of life change so much
it shwed me how fragile life really is.
that could be why i needed to go there.
i no longer see my life ending before im 20
i no longer feel the need to inflict pain on myself
i like taking pictures with cameras... i just wish that people could see beauty in random places.
im still in martial arts
and hopefully soon purple...
im 1/4th past prequal, and know another 2/4 a lot better now.
i still dont like eating with your group
i dont feel comfortable around them
i like different things
your lunch time group has great people, but i dont know them, and they DONT know me
they never did.
im still slightly paronoid that you dont see me as a friend
but im getting over that.
if any one wants to talk to me do so
just because i dont go out of my way to talk to you doesnt mean im avoiding you, it just means im giving you space, but i wuld be happy to talk to you if you wanted


well this has stuff to random people, who read this, but still...


i still rant on...

i look forward to next year.
best thing about this year
band

well THAT was fun
ok
want to know what "what" is
i was taking the bus home from my sports med final
watching a movie on my mp3 player
then we stop and im like "why are we stopping" i was thinking that fyi
then "SHITTTTT"
cause then i see the old man on the ground
i had no clue what happened to him
so i go over to help
he is brought into the bus, and is bleading from 2 places
head and hand
the bus driver is being usless
and im like... "crap" another thought, so far i had yet to speek
then im trying to help the old man, first trying to figure out what happened
the problem is..... HE CANT SPEEK ANY ENGLISH
so im trying to figure out what happened...
thankfully a girl who saw told me and acted as a translator for me
it ends up that the olf man was runing after the bus, triped, fell against the bus, and banged his head on the bus then hit the ground.
there was no loss of concousness thankfully.
the bus driver is like "have some crappy bandaids, i will call the hospital because of transit proticol."
so we are waiting for the ambulence
my "translator" named Diana is asking the old man questions for me,
"do you feel any stabbing pains"
"no"
"what is your name"
he answered it, but i forgot, but was glad he was both cooperative, and able to answer various questions
i keep asking him questions through Diana, and he respons them
i ask the bus driver "do you have a first aid kit"
"i dont know"
my thought is WTF HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW?????
the ambulence comes and leaves, the old man stays in the bus, as he didnt needt to go to the hospital
the amblulence peoples ask the same things i did, and leave him with us, deciding he does not need to go with them.
5 minutes after they leave "hey there is a first aid kit" says the bus driver
we are waiting for another bus to come, as he cant drive the bus with droplets of blood on the ground
my thought is "how is your first aid kit so crappy???"
it consisted of...:
gauze
crappy bandaids
larger crappy bandaids
and antiseptic wipes
i had the old man clean his bloody injuries, his head was fine, but his hand was still bleeding 20 minutes later
cause the bus driver is like "have 2 crappy bandaids and you will be fine..."
not exactly what he said, but his actions spoke louder then his words, and thats what he did.
no one else on the bus knew any first aid, but Diana was very helpful
She was going to take the old man home, as she didnt want to leave him alone, and he lives down town
my thought were "i am so glad you are smarter then the bus driver"
i gave her instructions such as
"dont leave him alone, stand near him if he is walking, if he experiances and strange pains in head of chest, call 911 from a home phone" and all that other good stuff...
so yeah
the old man was fine when i left
but i really dont want any more practical exams
and the bus drivers really need to LEARN BASIC FIRST AID


ps this was suposed to be posted on thursday

70th post
another thing you dont know about me
i have a random growth on my left wrist
when im nervous a rub it
it is squishy
i will be singing in the coffee house show
it is in the theater on Tuesday from 4 to 5:30
i am getting my French horn tomorrow
i am so excited
life is going really well
and right now im trying to fix a song