right now i am so close to crying i dont know why.
its not the sad kind of crying, or the happy kind.
think is, i keep stopping myself.
its a habbit.
thing is
i dont cry
i dont want to appear weak.
and inside im human
i feel
lost
confusion
anger
pain
i dont know if theres a feeling for this, but expecting a betrayal
afraid
scared
empty
weak...
so many times i dont want to be human.
but these last two weeks... i have really lived my life for once
this week... im going to continue doing so
im going to do things i regret... but im only human
i have one life to live...
and im learning to enjoy it.
i dont know how to put this, so iot may not make sence

for the longest time i have had the one person, who i trusted with everything.
my mom untill i started becoming depressed...
then logan
then josh...
then g...
i always had someone
and well...
right now i dont
well... in a way i have zuli... but its different...
but its like im learning how to walk, how to really walk...
i put all my trust in these guys (i just realised... all three are very atractive) (i am high of energy drink)
and then suddnley i didnt have hands to catch me when i fell...
and in that case i tripped and fell on my face...

but then i got up, learned how to step.
and i had friends to help me up. but also forced me not to lean against them.
and i feel as if i can "walk" on my own.


i have been going to the clifs more often now...
always with zuli...
is n amaizing lace...
except for construction...
when i get my camera i may go there.
i will have to ask someones permision to go alone if i cant get zuli to come.

the motto quote thingy "everything happens for a reason" comes to mind

and im not glad i got hurt
but im glad it happened, because i feel stronger
do i have a goal?
yes.
my goal is to keep on "walking"
im not going to run, cause im not going to rush through life.

for everyone, especially anyone who has been depressed, or is,
things get better...
im here to help if anyone needs it.

take care all
peace out
ShadowStich