why do things change so much?
why is it i cant do what i would have done a few weeks ago?
why do you see me as more than i see myself?
you dont know me... you shouldnt have such high expectations for me.
but one moment... your telling me i can be more than i am now...
the next moment you are throwing my past in my face and saying that i have done really stupid things.

i dont know who reads this now...
so i cant say exactly what is on my mind

even though i want to
because fuck...

every time you say stuff like that...

it feels like you have stabbed me in the heart

but what do i do?

nothing.

i pretend that it doesnt crush me

i pretend that everything is fine


because maybe if i pretend hard enough... it becomes real

thats what kept everything away for half a year eh?

"maybe its better that way, maybe no one should know?"

i wanna go to the cliffs... but only once it warms up a bit.

every time i go there i wanna cry.
cause it hurts
but i cant explain

i make less and less sense these days huh?
ciao