so
i guess i should probably post more often eh?
im moving out in... a week
im working 2 jobs
did i mntion i got a new job?
currently i am listening to "what is love"
why is it that people are cionfessing feelings fr me now?
i still love him.
i still would give up the world for him.

but what can i do?
nothing
eventyually i will move on
but dont push me.
cause its not gonna work

also
my mum was asking me to transfer my scollarship $ to my brother.
she thinks im not ever going back to uni
i may.
right now? i dunno
i wanna get some stuff sorted out first
so i dont wanna just make it not an option

and yet, today i asked her to transfer 20$ over from one of my accounts to another
money that i earned, through work.
and yet that was aparently a horrible thing for me to do
because i am "not gonna be prepared for my future."

so wait
hand over my scollarships so that someone else can use them... which leaves me sol if i do decide to go
but you cant spend 20$ on food

that makes sense eh?




i have been having so many nightmares latley

one about a specific guy
who did something horrible to me
and yet... he has always made me feel like it was My fault.
im not that peorson anymore. im not taking that bullshit anymore.

be aware. if you try to force yourself on me, persuade me to do stuff with me...
we are through
i am not gonna just forgive that anymore

i should never have had to.




take my hand,
i'll be anything your dreaming of
i'll do anything cause your my love
i'll tell you everything
i need you here tonight
and days they go
oh so slow sometimes
so we should go
we've practiced all our lines
and i dont know
what i'd ever do alone

and these days go on
what do we do
we stay strong
you know i need you
and these words
this song
you know that it's true
i wrote it all for you




yeah its not finished
but it has guitar music too!!!
im getting better at it!


i miss how things used to be
i was so... inocent

i miss you kaya
i really do.
you changed me
i wish i could tell you
hey. im not taking guys shit anymore
hey. im moving out
hey. it didnt have to end that way
hey. i never ment what i said.



but what can you do eh?
nothing.
im so cold

and its midnight
i will write more soon.
Shadowstich