its weird.
i started this blog so long ago.
what has changed?
everything.
right now... i really wish i could ask him out.
but im too afraid to
im over adam... mostly... but all i can think of is:
"but what if he says no"
then i will wonder why...
do i take the risk?
im still not sure
i really wish he would ask me out.
cause the thing is... im terified of being used again
after the last guy.
im so sick of being hurt
if feels like people only see me for sex.

why does it feel like that?
well... the last guy...
and then... right after things ended with the last guy... one of my closest guy friends is all
"you are single now... we should experiment... like fool around... just as friends."
he didnt even care that i was crushed.
i know im a... what did hat one guy call me "a sexual deviant"
i flirt without meaning to.
but if i actually like someone i will be somewhat shy around them sometimes... and want to talk a lot.

im too open sometimes.
guess i got that cause of kingsley.
i dont like people hiding stuff...


sometimes:
i miss being innocent
i miss being sure of life
i miss being sure of myself
i miss running... and martial arts

currently i am listening to this one song... that always breaks my heart just slightly
i cant help but think about things... 2 years ago...


i will admit it... im having a rough patch
im not used to having to face all this pain. anger
they are forign emotions to me.
im not used to having to experiance them.
someday i might explain why.
maybe

everythings changing.
and im trying to embrace it.

please realise that this is me trying to feel better, thats why i blog, for release
that not everything i say i ment to say.
these are also raw emotions... but maybe you'll understand.
i miss you.
Shadowstich