do i need a title?

well right now im going through changes, and a few of you know the major one.

i have to keep it quiet for now, as im not sure how my parents will take it

the other is im going to be wearing darker clothing (kinda goth)

dont worry, im not depressed or anything.

im the opposite of depressed

i think the term is

overjoyed, happy, joyfull, anti depressed?

fill in the blank.

this is mostly thanks to one friend, whom i have been talking to as i write this.

im learning alot right now,

im stubborn and curious

sorry G and Ally

you both will get a lot of questions directed at you (but not on here, this is just a fore word)

some day i will share what the topic of this post is, but im not ready for it yet

this is all so new

and to be honest, im afraid, of this... maybe, of my parents knowing, defiantly, and im afraid of other things, i cant explain, as i dont know myself,

im somewhat afraid of big changes, and this is a huge one.

im glad i have friends to guide me,teach me, help me, accept me, understand me, listen to me, the list goes on and on

thanks so much.

there are no words to describe how thank full i am to have become your friend. (this applies to anyone except the random creepers)

sincerely

Shadowstich

sorry that it has taken me so long to write again.
life has been keeping me busy, and confused
right now i am very sore, as i was in martial arts last night.
spring break starts tomorrow, and many, including myself, are excited about it.
recently our two school bands went to edmonton.
it was a fun experience, but im still tired out from it.
i dont have much to way right now, but there are a few things
perverted knight... do you still read this? (you know very well who you are <3)
who else reads this?
i am curious...
but alas, i must go do other things.
ttfn
Shadowstich

Too Late

Everyone consumed by pain
All your words so full of hate
Everyone has gone insane
And now it’s just way too late

It’s too late to say goodbye
And too late for things to change
I’m sick of living these lies
Everything is so deranged

All the empty words I heard
Every stupid thing you did
Actions spoke louder then words
And in constant lies you hid

It’s too late to say goodbye
And too late for things to change
I’m sick of living these lies
Everything is so deranged

You can’t take everything back
Your hatred will take its toll
And just like a heart attack
You are losing all control

It’s too late to say goodbye
And too late for things to change
I’m sick of living these lies
Everything is so deranged

And now its just too late

(thats my newest song.)

ha ha

hey all.
sorry its been so long.
and i have so much to say and so little time.
im listening to carbon leaf (yes G, i actually like them alot)
and im confused and am suffering from high emotions.
this is not helped by the fact my fish died today
and love is a confusing thing
but whatever...
ive had people ask me why i havnt updated this
i didnt know you people read this.
cool
yeah
so much to say
how to put it down
to one reader who faced my wrath yesterday
im very... very sorry.
to another
love is confusing. stay loyal
and i know what your going through. i went through it too, and still am.
the three who check this most. G, J, and C. thanks
j and c
we have to like jam or something
c, yeah i know how it goes, but i need some help with the music
and j, your help would be awesome too
im running out of time
AHHHH
yes.
im typing without thinking
this wont end well
im working on another song
and taoh is doing GREAT
im hoping i can get another to read this.
and i need to stop meating new people
but im glad you introduced me to him G, no i dont see him that way.
why do guys assume im going to ask them out
talking to one guy then suddenly
"you do know im not going to go out with you... right"
i think my responce was WHAT??????????????
yeah
do i flirt with everyone or something
probably.
it was a foggy morning.
yeah
well are you guys happy
here is an UPDATE
anything you want/need to know... ask

away from here

watching the stars at night
and yet another fight
still dont know what to say
the words just fade away

and i just wanna see
memories disapear
and i just wanna be
somewhere away from here

as day by day goes by
and yet another lie
the time goes by so fast
and now its in the past

and i just wanna see
memories disapear
and i just wanna be
somewhere away from here

and it all fell apart
peices of broken heart
you wern't you anymore
when you walked out the door
did we have everything
or even anything
all of this came un-done
and there's no where to run

and i just wanna see
memories disapear
and i just wanna be
somewhere away from here

everyone has weaknesses.
all you have to do is figure out what they are.
once you know that, its so easy to break someone,
sticks and stones may break bones, but words, they hurt much worse.
mental issues can do so much more harm then physical issues...
cause you can be fine physically, and still wish life would end, hate each day that goes on...
or you could have every bone in your body broken, but still be happy.
such an interesting thing, the way minds work.
animals are not cruel, they don't torture someone, they dont bully someone.
humans on the other hand, well...
we have wars...
depression
suicide
all this lovely stuff...
if humans are really above animals... then its a sad world we live in.
cause we, the human race... we need to stop being evil. thats the only word i can think of to describe us.

shadowstich

dragon

life can get so confusing sometimes.

i guess we all have to just keep holding on, ride through the hard times, cause there is always better to come after the bad.

grade 9 i was really depressed, and suicidal, look at me now

so much has changed for the better.

most of my old friends i dont really talk to anymore

but i have some AWESOME new friends.

i have one exam left. and its going to be FUN

cause its science.

wait... thats why they call me science girl

lol

electronics class was fun.

but some days desturbing...

everything has a yin and yang side to it

ive decided when i do get a tattoo it will be a nickle sized yin yang on my left wrist.

yeah

love you all

peace

shadowstich

its time to let go,
let the music flow,
the path left unshown,
the answers unknown

things change.
and so do people
something you should keep in mind
there are some things that should not be said unless you mean it
for example "i love you"

well im letting everything flow out.
im tired of this
feeling like this
jelous of a friend because of her boyfriend.
hurt by my ex.
confused
not sure what to do.
ive been trying to change who i am.
but the truth is.
i cant change for you
its the past that influenced who i am now.
and whats going on now that effects who i am in the future.
i dont know who i am anymore.
but i know i miss who i used to be.
i miss writing songs. letting the lirycs flow out.
why did i stop? because people were worried about me, because my songs are depressing.
please dont try and get me into councling. im not going to do anything stupid. i just need to be myself.
did you know the group you invited me to hang out with... it makes me feel like even more of an outcast.
i looked at the ppictures from grade 9 grad... i wasnt with the group...
i dont belong there.
you are the only one who actually talks to me there... the rest of the people dont give a damn.


so i think its better if i go back to who i am, or who they see me as. the loner.

give me any title you want to. i really dont care.
for my friends, the true friends... you know who you are...
for those who are not true friends... i know you wont be reading this, because i dont even really talk to you people.

well i feel better now...
and no im not a psyco emo...
im me
shadowstich
peace.

hey

well hello. how is everyone.
well the boy and i broke up, and i dont care as i found someone new.
depression is a weird stare of mind. if you are depressed for a long time, it feels weird not to be.
but i can truthfully say im not depressed anymore
but i am bored. im in electronics right now. and geting tired of monty pithon and the holy grale
*yawn*
i really dont know what to write about
im on my teachers computer....
o.o
yeah...
he pitied me and my boredness
XD
well the bell will ring soon.
so im off

how i feel

well its Christmas eve
a small dedication to the one person who actually reads this every once in a while

Graham (Canadian Scouter)
your a great guy
and i care about you
im glad i have you to talk to
and you give really good advice (at least compared to my other friends)
i still wonder what happened to you teaching me
you may not realise this, but your blog is my inspiration, and what stops this from being yet another Emo blog
thanks

to the rest of you
thanks for being there
you seem to enjoy... confusing me
i love you all
if your my friends anyways
if your some random stranger then please leave me alone and stop reading this
if i have asked you to read this, its because i want you to know more about me
and i write whatever, and dont care who reads it
so your getting the side of me i dont usually show
im sorry if my open-ness creeps you out
I will try to not be so straight forward with me emotions

heres a bit of dedications for others who i will have read this

jodie
i love you (just as a friend... sorry :P)
i dont hate you, im just having trouble dealing with this right now...
you are there when no one else is

burke
im sorry i called you an ass... im just kinda hurt and confused right now
i care about you a lot
and im sorry if im being a total bitch to you right now
i dont hate you either

stephanie
you are my bff
i love you
although you and i are not as close as we once were i still truly care about you
you are awesome
i love you


Leah
you rock
and im really glad your with Jordan
your a super cool person
and you kill me in sparing...

Caillie
you are our awesome percussionist
your a sweet person
you and your boy make the cutest couple
i hope you and i are friends for a long time

Alyssa
you are probably my closest friend at school
social buddy
im so glad we became friends
i trust you alot


anyone else
i love you

peace
shadowstich the slightly insane

song writing of randomness

stars shining, shimering so bright
against a background of black night
then the morning and the sun rise
leaving us emotional highs

but you cant see the star
shining bright from afar
your anger leaves you blind
so much you can not find

so much is left unknown
the path you tread not shown
leaving people with pain
and nothing left to gain

looking up to the sky
you still cant answer why
you dont know what to say
or why you feel this way

love????

well everything is a confused bundle of emotions
im at a friends house right now
i kinda like this guy
and my friend likes him too..
he likes her
and i have to be fine with it
oh yeah
did i forget something???
i have a girl friend (24 hours ago)
and im so confused
because she will be a long distance relationship
and i dont want a long distance relationship
i want one where i can hold the person when they are sad
feel the warmth of their lips against mine
but no
im not good enough for that
anyone i like here doesn't feel the same way
she is an amazing girl
but
i cant comfort her
i cant physically be there for her
and that's the same way for her
and both of us need that



i really dont know what do do
because at this point im kinda desperate
with so many friends in relationships
and the few "relationships" ive been in...
leave alot to be expected



but yeah
<3
and girl if your reading this i hope you understand what im trying to say
i never want to hurt you
but i dont know what to do
i really wish you were here right now
<3



peace
shadowstich

memories

what happened in the past affects who we are now.
recently i have been remembering... a lot
and slowly trying to understand.
there was a memory i forgot for a long time, about 4-5 years, and recently it came back.
i dont know if its a good thing, but im starting to understand why i am the way i am.
as i am in the electronics room right now, i will not expand on this further.
a few people will understand what im talking about, but i dont know if they ever read this
this is all i can write
peace
shadowstich

random song quotes i love

please save me, ive been waiting
been aching far too long



do you remember when we talked for hours on end
just being stupid but atleast we didnt pretend



tell you of a girl that i saw
i frroze in the moment and she changed it all



promised myself i wouldnt weep
one more promise i couldnt keep



well im gonna dedicate something to someone who says he reads this
and we will see if he does
and he'd better comment



"It's not the critic who counts, not the one who points out how the strong man stumbles or how the doer of deeds might have done it better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred with sweat, and dust and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who spends himself in a worthy cause, and who, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly. His place will never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat."Theodore Roosevelt


i stole this from his amaizing blog
if any of you readers want to check out his blog... http://canadianscouter.blogspot.com/
to my one french horn friend "wanna play MY horn?"

to everyone, im glad your here, im not sure how i would survive without you


yeah im kinda random right now





i love you all
take care
shadowstich

and yet again, no clue what to put
i dont know if i said anything about this
but i used to be bullied all the time

this is a bit of advice for people, if they actually care

i had a friend watch me get bullied, and asked me how i could stand it
my response was "im used to it"
just because someone is used to something, doesn't mean its ok

im not asking you to feel sorry for me, thats not why i write, and if i wanted you to feel sorry for me, i would tell you everything bad in my life.
but thats not the point of this blog.

there is a band concert coming up on the 12th
concert band will be playing Tamerlane, Gaelic rhapsody, and butterfly's ball

my favorite piece is butterfly's ball
it is a beautifull piece to listen to.

im thinking of writing some other songs i have on here, but they are depressing.
do you think i should?

take care all
shadowstich

my heart beats like timpani drums
keeping the time while the symphony strums

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUjtNT8T1xE

great song

well what to talk about
why am i writing in this
i really don't know, i enjoy it
in person I'm really different, i think, then who i am on here,
i think there is only really one person who reads this, and he and i never really talk in person, which, is weird, but on msn im more relaxed, as i type before i can think
like brilliantly telling the guy i like how i feel
the conversation (kinda)

Me: im not dating your bro
him: you sure?
me: haha yeah
me: *insert laughing emoticon*
him: whats so funny
me: dude i cant explain
him: why
me: because that would involve me admitting that i like you
me: oh crap




yeah
the funny thing was....
there is the guy i like, his older bro, my friend, and me
my friend likes older bro, (and now they are dating... Yay)
i like the guy
the guy thought i was dating his bro,
yeah
amusing
at least to me



life
last night i got to spar
and got owned
but owned the guy <3
yeah
that was sweet
and i did a standby without hurting myself


standbys are a flip in the air, land in a break fall

yeah
im usually here early, here being school
because i find this place relaxing
ive never come here to see anyone,
its just a place i come to be, relax, i cant explain it


right now im listening to a song called
city of devils

flying along
and i
feel like i dont belong
and i cant tell right from the wrong
why have i been here so long



sometimes songs really fit how people are feeling

but yeah
right now im typing up anything i think of,
well almost everything
there are some things im just NOT going to put
oh yes
there was a topic i wanted to write about




SANTA
well one thought ive had, is
CREEPY
he sees you when your "sleeping"
he knows when your awake


well hes watching you in bed O.o
that's NOT good

he knows if you've been bad or good

hes watching you
STALKER

originally Christmas had a quiet different meaning
and so did saint Nicholas
but now...


i think you get what im trying to say


well
i dont have anything else to say right now
take care all
Shadowstich

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFmdjvR1bYI

i love this song


and right now I'm listening to "I'm not OK" by my chemical romance

i really don't know what to write about
no clue at all
...
i have electronics next...
I'm the only girl in that class,
its fun, but SO disturbing.
the stuff talked about in that class *shudder*
eww


i dont update this very often
but how many people actualy read this
and do i have any divoted people, checking this all the time
if i do, tell me, and i will write more often

peace
shadowstich

Walmart

and this is just an idea

but im considering looking up some laws, (make sure its legal first)

then go around to walmarts,

and see if we can start a union for them, as they cant themselves.

in class we are watching movies about walmart

have any of you seen them

if not, you might not underttand

but if you have, then you know what im talking about

i dont want to stand by and watch others suffer

so im going to do something about it.

think about it. their lower prices? sounds nice

but why are their prices so low

sweat shops

but what can they do to me, someone from the outside, who will never work there

i still think it should be a class project.

but yeah

if i did, would anyone want to help?

updated

what to say
I'm just going to let my thoughts flow out
we talk to much, and not enough
what i mean is that we talk too much about things that are not important to us.
when it comes to something really important, it can be hard to talk about.
we need to be more open
and less judgemental
one of my friends (E) likes this guy(H), and thinks that another of my friends(J) also likes him, because she(J) put a few jokes on his face book wall, like saying "hi sexy" and "i sleep with your picture under my pillow"
what my one friend(E) cant understand is (J) is referring to some jokes in band class (which was very entertaining) but anyways (E) is now mad at (J) and taking it out on me
which is getting annoying, as she wont listen to me when i say (J) doesn't like him that way


sorry... i needed to get that off my mind.


i have been really happy lately
i don't really know why.
but I've noticed this
you need to be a friend to make friends
last year i was really antisocial
and guess what
i was a bit of a loner
this year i have a lot of friends
so yeah

i really love music
its enjoyable
i still cant understand how people can like rap like the song "this is why I'm hot" and not like any classical music
but to each their own

we focus too much on relationships
as in dating
right now most of us (as in grade 10,11, and 12) are desperate to be in relationships (not everyone, but a lot)
we need to realise that at our age relationships wont usually last forever
I'm not saying its bad to date
I'm just saying this
don't try to rush into a relationship
you may find the right person, and everything will be great
or you might date a guy/girl who you really like and they end up being a jerk
here is a bit of advice
make sure you know a lot about the person
make sure you talk to then at least once a week for awhile (at least if your in school with them)
this may not apply to everyone, but try to be friends with them before you date,
don't rush into the relationship,
for this i will use an example
you are running quickly, as fast as you can, (that would be to get into the relationship) then the wind blows against your back (that could be friends trying to help you but its speeding up you trying to get into the relationship) then you try to suddenly stop (you got into the relationship) but you cant stop, your momentum pushes you forward and you fall on your face (the relationship ends suddenly and quickly)
so don't try to rush things
everything will happen for a reason



yeah
some of these things most people wouldn't expect me to say
as last year, i did try to rush into relationships
and got hurt from them
Ive learned from my mistakes



but yeah
if there is anything you want me to talk about, just ask.


sing like no one is listening
dance like no one is watching
live like each day is your last (as in don't just sit there like a zombie all day)
love like you've never been hurt


(here is some good advice taken from the Tao of peace website)
Let compassion and truth be your guide when dealing with self and others.

peace
shadowstich