i dont know what to do anymore
it seems like everything i do either dissapoints someone, or makes me unhappy
i was really happy with him, but being with him disapointed my best friend, and a guy whos opinion i value highly.
i was working really hard at physics
dropped it recently
cause i was failing
and i worked my ass off in that class
and got like... 48
and disapointed my parents
its always fucking dissapointment
why cant someone get mad at me?
i dont know who to turn to really
cause i dont feel as tho i can talk to my best friend...
and i dont want to use this to bitch
Monday, March 30, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
i wonder if you know how much you messed me up.
or that i dont know if you did
i used to be certain of my actions
now im so afraid i will be stabbed in the back.
i hate how my best friend will:
a)only read this when i ask her to
b) expect me to stop what im doing when she needs to talk, but say shes busy when i need to talk.
i just wish people could be honest to me.
because im starting to be able to tell when people are lyingto me,
but i cant tell what about
so i assume the worst.
and i think i just lost someone as a friend
but i think he was doing what someone else did.
pretending to be my friend out of pity.
im starting to doubt there is a god
because my prayers are never answered.
and i have listened to a song repeatedly
a guy named mike sent it to me
hes really really awesome
but hes 21
which means just friends
which sucks
i hate being 16
because im suposed to be mature, but i cant be an adult.
sorry about the rant
Shadowstich
or that i dont know if you did
i used to be certain of my actions
now im so afraid i will be stabbed in the back.
i hate how my best friend will:
a)only read this when i ask her to
b) expect me to stop what im doing when she needs to talk, but say shes busy when i need to talk.
i just wish people could be honest to me.
because im starting to be able to tell when people are lyingto me,
but i cant tell what about
so i assume the worst.
and i think i just lost someone as a friend
but i think he was doing what someone else did.
pretending to be my friend out of pity.
im starting to doubt there is a god
because my prayers are never answered.
and i have listened to a song repeatedly
a guy named mike sent it to me
hes really really awesome
but hes 21
which means just friends
which sucks
i hate being 16
because im suposed to be mature, but i cant be an adult.
sorry about the rant
Shadowstich
Friday, February 27, 2009
thinking bout a lot latley
life, love, you, me, everything in between.
i dont know why i was so hung up on this guy, i finally realized hes a fool.
im not going to use this to diss him,
cause thats just wrong.
and there is this guy, im one of my classes, and i really like him, and obviously i dont know what to do.
i dont know if i have a chance with you,
and i dont know if its worth risking your friendship for a highschool relationship.
and back to the first topic... kinda
i saw one girl who used to hate me, and she and i are kinda friends again, we both realised that people change over time. it was nice seeing her again.
and i did not finish this... i thought i did
so not i will post it and then... fall asleep shortly after
life, love, you, me, everything in between.
i dont know why i was so hung up on this guy, i finally realized hes a fool.
im not going to use this to diss him,
cause thats just wrong.
and there is this guy, im one of my classes, and i really like him, and obviously i dont know what to do.
i dont know if i have a chance with you,
and i dont know if its worth risking your friendship for a highschool relationship.
and back to the first topic... kinda
i saw one girl who used to hate me, and she and i are kinda friends again, we both realised that people change over time. it was nice seeing her again.
and i did not finish this... i thought i did
so not i will post it and then... fall asleep shortly after
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
fly free (maybe?)
new song... i really like it
find me a story fit for a king
instead of a lie from the heart
find me a song that the angels will sing
cause this world is getting to dark
Chorus
take me away to another place
where the stars up above can be seen
a different aspect of time and space
somewhere that i can fly free
warmpth from the sun, cold from the sea
fog floating along in a cloud
then cleared by thye blow of a very strong breeze
the whispers becoming so loud
Chorus
take me away to another place
where the stars up above can be seen
a different aspect of time and space
somewhere that i can fly free
bright light brings shadows black like the night
making the world shades of grey
nothing is easy and nothing is right
is this the price we must pay
Chorus
take me away to another place
where the stars up above can be seen
a different aspect of time and space
somewhere that i can fly free
find me a story fit for a king
instead of a lie from the heart
find me a song that the angels will sing
cause this world is getting to dark
Chorus
take me away to another place
where the stars up above can be seen
a different aspect of time and space
somewhere that i can fly free
warmpth from the sun, cold from the sea
fog floating along in a cloud
then cleared by thye blow of a very strong breeze
the whispers becoming so loud
Chorus
take me away to another place
where the stars up above can be seen
a different aspect of time and space
somewhere that i can fly free
bright light brings shadows black like the night
making the world shades of grey
nothing is easy and nothing is right
is this the price we must pay
Chorus
take me away to another place
where the stars up above can be seen
a different aspect of time and space
somewhere that i can fly free
Monday, February 23, 2009
so much has changed
and i am screwed
kay yesterday i played from 8:30-1:15 without a break.
i could barley get sound out.
today i still cant play much, cant get past c, and we are doing solos today.
what fun
ive kinda stoped bloging
as there is no point in writing in this without anyone to read this.
sure some people will read this if i remind them, but i dont want to have to remind them.
right now im listening to secondhand sarenade
and you have been in my mind a lot
it would be easier to stop thinking bout you if i didnt see you every fucking day
or if you would just ignore me.
cause i still want to be your friend
ive changed because of you.
but whats the point of writing this.
oh... right.
there isnt
and i am screwed
kay yesterday i played from 8:30-1:15 without a break.
i could barley get sound out.
today i still cant play much, cant get past c, and we are doing solos today.
what fun
ive kinda stoped bloging
as there is no point in writing in this without anyone to read this.
sure some people will read this if i remind them, but i dont want to have to remind them.
right now im listening to secondhand sarenade
and you have been in my mind a lot
it would be easier to stop thinking bout you if i didnt see you every fucking day
or if you would just ignore me.
cause i still want to be your friend
ive changed because of you.
but whats the point of writing this.
oh... right.
there isnt
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Monday, December 22, 2008
i dont know what im doing...
i mean i dont know what im doing with my life
right now i am thinking too much, worying too much, and listening to a song in a language i dont understand.
im cold (as always)
and confused
i have a great boyfriend
a great family...
why cant i be satisfyed with that.
i find myself looking at other guys (but i have learned not to do anything)
i find the smallest things can piss me off...
i cant wait for winter to end...
as i suffer sfrom seasonally affected disorder... aka S.A.D...
what does that mean?
winter makes me depressed.
oh new song... its in... french?
yay pigloo :D
i still dont know exactly who reads this...
which is why i watch what i say...
im tempted to start a new one just so i can type whatever i want, without pissing off anyone, or risking saying something i dont want someone to hear...
i used to be able to open up so easily...
but so much has changed
have i changed?
and is it for better of for worse?
finnd me and show me what you want from me
so you think im strong?
how so...
we had the furnace serviced today... whgy is it i am so cold?
and now spanish pop....???
and back to either german or duch???
schnuffle :D
chei chei ch-ch-ch-chei *dances*
*shivers*
why is it i have the least to say when i have the most time....?
fyi... right now i am depressed... i could really use people to talk to.
im having trouble making conversation....
but the entire time i have been on msn 1 person has started a conversation with me....
and it makes me feel unwanted.
SHADOWSTICH
i mean i dont know what im doing with my life
right now i am thinking too much, worying too much, and listening to a song in a language i dont understand.
im cold (as always)
and confused
i have a great boyfriend
a great family...
why cant i be satisfyed with that.
i find myself looking at other guys (but i have learned not to do anything)
i find the smallest things can piss me off...
i cant wait for winter to end...
as i suffer sfrom seasonally affected disorder... aka S.A.D...
what does that mean?
winter makes me depressed.
oh new song... its in... french?
yay pigloo :D
i still dont know exactly who reads this...
which is why i watch what i say...
im tempted to start a new one just so i can type whatever i want, without pissing off anyone, or risking saying something i dont want someone to hear...
i used to be able to open up so easily...
but so much has changed
have i changed?
and is it for better of for worse?
finnd me and show me what you want from me
so you think im strong?
how so...
we had the furnace serviced today... whgy is it i am so cold?
and now spanish pop....???
and back to either german or duch???
schnuffle :D
chei chei ch-ch-ch-chei *dances*
*shivers*
why is it i have the least to say when i have the most time....?
fyi... right now i am depressed... i could really use people to talk to.
im having trouble making conversation....
but the entire time i have been on msn 1 person has started a conversation with me....
and it makes me feel unwanted.
SHADOWSTICH
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
why do i find myself worying about you
still reading your blog?
you have told me in the past you dont want to talk to me, and you think im an annoyance
that doesnt mean i dont want to talk to you.
cause i miss talking to you
and find myself thinking about you
right now your stressed out, and i just want to help make things better.
but i cant, because i dont think you would let me.
a while ago i wrote a song about you, and was going to sing it in a show, but decided not to, as some things are best left unsaid, or said in a different way.
you have helped me in the past. i just wish i could return the favor
Shadowstich
still reading your blog?
you have told me in the past you dont want to talk to me, and you think im an annoyance
that doesnt mean i dont want to talk to you.
cause i miss talking to you
and find myself thinking about you
right now your stressed out, and i just want to help make things better.
but i cant, because i dont think you would let me.
a while ago i wrote a song about you, and was going to sing it in a show, but decided not to, as some things are best left unsaid, or said in a different way.
you have helped me in the past. i just wish i could return the favor
Shadowstich
and now finally for a post
for the song "in the morn" i am looking for people to help me with instruments (both playing and writing)
things are going pretty great
tomorrow will be one month :)
finally proving the vampire saliva theory wrong
finally....
took me long enough
i have a sectional at the end of class
which i am looking forwards to.
as the french horn section is awesome
right now im listening to psyco teady
im starting to like the techno pop stuff
like gummibar...
and Schnuffel
awesome ness
yay
right now im in an artistic mood
listening to music
writing a lot
writing music, or attempting to.
dont have too much to say right now.
for the song "in the morn" i am looking for people to help me with instruments (both playing and writing)
things are going pretty great
tomorrow will be one month :)
finally proving the vampire saliva theory wrong
finally....
took me long enough
i have a sectional at the end of class
which i am looking forwards to.
as the french horn section is awesome
right now im listening to psyco teady
im starting to like the techno pop stuff
like gummibar...
and Schnuffel
awesome ness
yay
right now im in an artistic mood
listening to music
writing a lot
writing music, or attempting to.
dont have too much to say right now.
in the morn
the nights are alive
with the tears children cry
and the days are so cold
cause of stories untold
the shot of a gun
as things come udone
and nothings the same in the morn
things are falling apart
getting shot in the dark
cause theres no one left to save you
theres fear in your eyes
when yet another lie
escapes from your lips
and your hearts doing flips
just to stay alive in the morn
when nothings the same
except for the blame
and the fear that you will be next
to feel the blade
as your life starts to fade
one more life lost
in a holocoust
fading away in the morn
with the tears children cry
and the days are so cold
cause of stories untold
the shot of a gun
as things come udone
and nothings the same in the morn
things are falling apart
getting shot in the dark
cause theres no one left to save you
theres fear in your eyes
when yet another lie
escapes from your lips
and your hearts doing flips
just to stay alive in the morn
when nothings the same
except for the blame
and the fear that you will be next
to feel the blade
as your life starts to fade
one more life lost
in a holocoust
fading away in the morn
nothing left
nothings pure, cant find a cure
nothing left to do
falling down, hit the ground
nothing left to prove
darkness spreads around
and yet the truth still cant be found
and theres nothing left
nothing left
still cant find the light
only yet another fight
cause theres nothing left
yeah nothing left
running late, full of hate
nothing left to say
this is the end, so dont pretend
nothing left today
darkness spreads around
and yet the truth still cant be found
and theres nothing left
nothing left
still cant find the light
only yet another fight
cause theres nothing left
yeah nothing left
slow your pace its not a race
nothing left to see
take a chance, do a dance
nothing left to be
darkness spreads around
and yet the truth still cant be found
and theres nothing left
nothing left
still cant find the light
only yet another fight
cause theres nothing left
yeah nothing left
take a song, just sing along
nothing left to share
take some time, just redifine
nothing left to bare
darkness spreads around
and yet the truth still cant be found
and theres nothing left
nothing left
still cant find the light
only yet another fight
cause theres nothing left
yeah nothing left
nothing left to do
falling down, hit the ground
nothing left to prove
darkness spreads around
and yet the truth still cant be found
and theres nothing left
nothing left
still cant find the light
only yet another fight
cause theres nothing left
yeah nothing left
running late, full of hate
nothing left to say
this is the end, so dont pretend
nothing left today
darkness spreads around
and yet the truth still cant be found
and theres nothing left
nothing left
still cant find the light
only yet another fight
cause theres nothing left
yeah nothing left
slow your pace its not a race
nothing left to see
take a chance, do a dance
nothing left to be
darkness spreads around
and yet the truth still cant be found
and theres nothing left
nothing left
still cant find the light
only yet another fight
cause theres nothing left
yeah nothing left
take a song, just sing along
nothing left to share
take some time, just redifine
nothing left to bare
darkness spreads around
and yet the truth still cant be found
and theres nothing left
nothing left
still cant find the light
only yet another fight
cause theres nothing left
yeah nothing left
Friday, November 28, 2008
sorry its taken so long
life is pissing me off
a few people are spreading rumers around about me,
i wont say what they are,
and theres only the slightest bit of truth,
the rumors story is so compleatly off, and make me sound like im:
a) crazy
b) creepy
c)idiotic
d)all three
if you guessed d you are correct.
its amaizing how much rumors can effect you.
whats the worst is, theres actually a truestory i cant tell, and some chick says she saw it happen, when in truth, we were compleatly alone.
why cant people just drop things
WHO CAIRS
if anyone who reads this knows whats going on, or wants to know, just ask me, i cant tell you everything, but you should know i dont do that
in 39 minutes i leave the house
what will i do today?
gym at 8 (sit and watch people curl, i still cant due to physiotherapy)
social (learn about the holucost)
recess (text boyfriend)
chem (test)
math (new unit)
sectional (just 1st and 3rd horn, sadly the section leader cant make it :()
take the bus, then another
spend whatever time i have at the mall...
start work (its now( 5)
start closing store (if i have to close with roy i will scream)
leave at 9, unless roy is there, if so 9:30
get home at 10.
YAY
if you want me to update this ask.
SHADOWSTICH
life is pissing me off
a few people are spreading rumers around about me,
i wont say what they are,
and theres only the slightest bit of truth,
the rumors story is so compleatly off, and make me sound like im:
a) crazy
b) creepy
c)idiotic
d)all three
if you guessed d you are correct.
its amaizing how much rumors can effect you.
whats the worst is, theres actually a truestory i cant tell, and some chick says she saw it happen, when in truth, we were compleatly alone.
why cant people just drop things
WHO CAIRS
if anyone who reads this knows whats going on, or wants to know, just ask me, i cant tell you everything, but you should know i dont do that
in 39 minutes i leave the house
what will i do today?
gym at 8 (sit and watch people curl, i still cant due to physiotherapy)
social (learn about the holucost)
recess (text boyfriend)
chem (test)
math (new unit)
sectional (just 1st and 3rd horn, sadly the section leader cant make it :()
take the bus, then another
spend whatever time i have at the mall...
start work (its now( 5)
start closing store (if i have to close with roy i will scream)
leave at 9, unless roy is there, if so 9:30
get home at 10.
YAY
if you want me to update this ask.
SHADOWSTICH
Monday, October 27, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
i figure i should give you an explination
why i have been:
anti social
tense
untalkitive
depressed...
well thing is... :
every october i get really depressed
i just got my heart broken
i pulled my groin
i cant do point kicks
i cant spar much
but life is starting to improve
it will take about a year for my groin to heal
and i need to go to physiotherapy
but hey...
could be worse
im in the band room...
working on a song
something i have missed doing
so im gonna get back to that
bye for now
why i have been:
anti social
tense
untalkitive
depressed...
well thing is... :
every october i get really depressed
i just got my heart broken
i pulled my groin
i cant do point kicks
i cant spar much
but life is starting to improve
it will take about a year for my groin to heal
and i need to go to physiotherapy
but hey...
could be worse
im in the band room...
working on a song
something i have missed doing
so im gonna get back to that
bye for now
Friday, October 10, 2008
Friday, October 3, 2008
and i have reason to keep writing in this
PUTAWAYS
thats the reason
ugh
im on cash tonight
which sucks
life is confusing
and complicated
making new friends
im single again
which is good
because
COULD I HAVE BEEN MORE OF AN IDIOT
right now i am working on something.
it involves my camera
what im doing is this.
a photo dedication to some people...
you know how i do dedications on this?
instead of words i will use pictures...
this will take me a while
because it has to be perfect.
everyone seems to be going through problems right now.
i wish i could just take away everyone elses pain.
theres someone i really want to help.
and im trying
but she does not know me
or trust me
and her friends dont like me
and i dont know if she even wants my help
i just want to see her smile. and make everything ok for her.
i see the looks her friends give me when im near her.
the looks say "go away, you dont belong here."
listening to frou frou right now
and thinking
confused
but i know what im doing
i hope
Shadowstich
PUTAWAYS
thats the reason
ugh
im on cash tonight
which sucks
life is confusing
and complicated
making new friends
im single again
which is good
because
COULD I HAVE BEEN MORE OF AN IDIOT
right now i am working on something.
it involves my camera
what im doing is this.
a photo dedication to some people...
you know how i do dedications on this?
instead of words i will use pictures...
this will take me a while
because it has to be perfect.
everyone seems to be going through problems right now.
i wish i could just take away everyone elses pain.
theres someone i really want to help.
and im trying
but she does not know me
or trust me
and her friends dont like me
and i dont know if she even wants my help
i just want to see her smile. and make everything ok for her.
i see the looks her friends give me when im near her.
the looks say "go away, you dont belong here."
listening to frou frou right now
and thinking
confused
but i know what im doing
i hope
Shadowstich
un named song
just a bit of confusion
and a little bit of hate
with a hint of ilusion
stuck in a mixed up state
then an unexpected twist
in an unwriten story
caused by taking a risk
and fighting for glory
its not as hard as it looks
dont look back and regret
treat life like an open book
dont you ever forget
the past gives you guide lines
rules to help make things right
dont focus on bad times
for the future will be bright
dont know where your going
and dont know who you are
pushed by the wind blowing
wishing on a shooting star
so close your eyes and dream
and embrace the new day
its not as bad as it seems
i promise its ok
its not as hard as it looks
dont look back and regret
treat life like an open book
dont you ever forget
the past gives you guide lines
rules to help make things right
dont focus on bad times
for the future will be bright
the days are falling down
and no one seems to care
feeling stuck in lonley town
but someones always there
to keep you safe and strong
so hold your head up high
and tho the days are long
you'll make it out alive
its not as hard as it looks
dont look back and regret
treat life like an open book
dont you ever forget
the past gives you guide lines
rules to help make things right
dont focus on bad times
for the future will be bright
yeah dont you ever forget
the past gives you guide lines
rules to help make things right
dont focus on bad times
for the future will be bright
and a little bit of hate
with a hint of ilusion
stuck in a mixed up state
then an unexpected twist
in an unwriten story
caused by taking a risk
and fighting for glory
its not as hard as it looks
dont look back and regret
treat life like an open book
dont you ever forget
the past gives you guide lines
rules to help make things right
dont focus on bad times
for the future will be bright
dont know where your going
and dont know who you are
pushed by the wind blowing
wishing on a shooting star
so close your eyes and dream
and embrace the new day
its not as bad as it seems
i promise its ok
its not as hard as it looks
dont look back and regret
treat life like an open book
dont you ever forget
the past gives you guide lines
rules to help make things right
dont focus on bad times
for the future will be bright
the days are falling down
and no one seems to care
feeling stuck in lonley town
but someones always there
to keep you safe and strong
so hold your head up high
and tho the days are long
you'll make it out alive
its not as hard as it looks
dont look back and regret
treat life like an open book
dont you ever forget
the past gives you guide lines
rules to help make things right
dont focus on bad times
for the future will be bright
yeah dont you ever forget
the past gives you guide lines
rules to help make things right
dont focus on bad times
for the future will be bright
Saturday, September 27, 2008
wow... a lot on my mind
but i dont want to write it on here...
because i dont think i have any friends who read this anymore without me reminding them.
if you want to know whats going on... ask... if i trust you enough... i will tell you... if not... well i will tell you other stuff thats going on...
one question...
for so long guys havnt been into me
WHY HAS THAT CHANGED
seriously...
there are a few guys who like me right now...
but where did it come from
have i changed in the past 2 weeks??
tell me.
SS... aka JB (not telling what that stands for... its a new nickname of mine...)figure it out
but i dont want to write it on here...
because i dont think i have any friends who read this anymore without me reminding them.
if you want to know whats going on... ask... if i trust you enough... i will tell you... if not... well i will tell you other stuff thats going on...
one question...
for so long guys havnt been into me
WHY HAS THAT CHANGED
seriously...
there are a few guys who like me right now...
but where did it come from
have i changed in the past 2 weeks??
tell me.
SS... aka JB (not telling what that stands for... its a new nickname of mine...)figure it out
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
