well THAT was fun
ok
want to know what "what" is
i was taking the bus home from my sports med final
watching a movie on my mp3 player
then we stop and im like "why are we stopping" i was thinking that fyi
then "SHITTTTT"
cause then i see the old man on the ground
i had no clue what happened to him
so i go over to help
he is brought into the bus, and is bleading from 2 places
head and hand
the bus driver is being usless
and im like... "crap" another thought, so far i had yet to speek
then im trying to help the old man, first trying to figure out what happened
the problem is..... HE CANT SPEEK ANY ENGLISH
so im trying to figure out what happened...
thankfully a girl who saw told me and acted as a translator for me
it ends up that the olf man was runing after the bus, triped, fell against the bus, and banged his head on the bus then hit the ground.
there was no loss of concousness thankfully.
the bus driver is like "have some crappy bandaids, i will call the hospital because of transit proticol."
so we are waiting for the ambulence
my "translator" named Diana is asking the old man questions for me,
"do you feel any stabbing pains"
"no"
"what is your name"
he answered it, but i forgot, but was glad he was both cooperative, and able to answer various questions
i keep asking him questions through Diana, and he respons them
i ask the bus driver "do you have a first aid kit"
"i dont know"
my thought is WTF HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW?????
the ambulence comes and leaves, the old man stays in the bus, as he didnt needt to go to the hospital
the amblulence peoples ask the same things i did, and leave him with us, deciding he does not need to go with them.
5 minutes after they leave "hey there is a first aid kit" says the bus driver
we are waiting for another bus to come, as he cant drive the bus with droplets of blood on the ground
my thought is "how is your first aid kit so crappy???"
it consisted of...:
gauze
crappy bandaids
larger crappy bandaids
and antiseptic wipes
i had the old man clean his bloody injuries, his head was fine, but his hand was still bleeding 20 minutes later
cause the bus driver is like "have 2 crappy bandaids and you will be fine..."
not exactly what he said, but his actions spoke louder then his words, and thats what he did.
no one else on the bus knew any first aid, but Diana was very helpful
She was going to take the old man home, as she didnt want to leave him alone, and he lives down town
my thought were "i am so glad you are smarter then the bus driver"
i gave her instructions such as
"dont leave him alone, stand near him if he is walking, if he experiances and strange pains in head of chest, call 911 from a home phone" and all that other good stuff...
so yeah
the old man was fine when i left
but i really dont want any more practical exams
and the bus drivers really need to LEARN BASIC FIRST AID


ps this was suposed to be posted on thursday

70th post
another thing you dont know about me
i have a random growth on my left wrist
when im nervous a rub it
it is squishy
i will be singing in the coffee house show
it is in the theater on Tuesday from 4 to 5:30
i am getting my French horn tomorrow
i am so excited
life is going really well
and right now im trying to fix a song

things you may or may not know about me
im not always that talkative, especially in person
im afraid of needles
im afraid of baby talk
im afraid of clowns
i laugh when im in a lot of pain (except if the pain is in my face)
im somewhat afraid of being alone
i rarley lie.
sometimes i will start singing, and it rhymes and everything, and i forget it after i sing it.
im very paronoid
im both optimistic, and pesimistic, sometimes at the same time

ranting rant for the sake of ranting. (aka having fun with words)

There is a lot on my mind right now.
shall i start rambling
i think i shall

a guy who i'm kinda friends with, who supposedly does not like me wrote this

hey sweetheart, call me sometime? we'll go out for coffee or something
(insert phone number here) (insert heart here) (insert name here)


i am very confused about this.

this year i have a goal.
to not have my yearbook stolen and have fag written in it.

tomorrow we have band with three French horns, which will be interesting, and somewhat weird.

as i look through some comments already written in my yearbook, i see some really sweet comments, and some... interesting(?) ones...

this year has been so much better than grade 9.


yesterday one of my friends decided to smash a lacrosse ball into my left eye.
i didn't know my glasses could bend that way.
guess what happened today...
right eye... soccer ball.
yeah
I'm just skilled
SKILLED I SAY

this next portion is written due to reading someone else's blog

well today, other than having the guy write that in my yearbook, i also had a guy ask me out.
the thing is, I've gone through relationships, and in almost all, i have been either used, or cheated on. relationships are not all what they are cracked up to be.
i have friends, who have somehow never been hurt by love, and yes i envy one in particular, because they have been going through life, and it seems they have never been hurt.
to be honest, sometimes it really pisses me off.
ANYWAYS.
yes relationships are nice, but they are not everything. i envy you for not ever being in one.
i think you can probably see the downsides of relationships
see: me and some random guy who i will not name for examples
i think you deserve a great relationship
sadly, the world is not perfect and we don't all get what we deserve
see: Romeo and Juliet

well i think I'm done ranting for now
COMMENT FOR ONCE

Shadowstich

new story

Lightning flashed, lighting up the silhouette of three large wolves running towards a mountain of jagged rocks. They were thankful for the storm, as the rain would wash away their trail of paw prints. Other then the rare flash of lightning, the wolves were invisible in the darkness. One was almost twice the size of the other two, and had a coat of jet black. The other two were both gray, one with bright red eyes and white fur on the tips of his paws, the other had yellow eyes and was a dark grey. The two smaller wolves were very fast. The three wolves did not rest, running as if from a wild fire, and the jagged rock mountain was an island surrounded by a lake.

Minutes turned into hours as they slowly scaled the mountain, resting only once they had reached their destination, a cave that went deep into the mountain, with an entrance that was almost invisible. Their panting echoed through the cave. Only now did the two grey wolves see that the black one had a cloth bundle with him.

“Midnight… what, what have you brought with you?” the red eyed grey wolf asked with a deep husky voice.

Midnight was the large black wolf, named for the color of his fur. His father was the leader of the Shadow pack, one of the largest wolf packs in the area. Shadow pack had been the three wolves’ home, until the humans had attacked.

“is it food?” the yellow eyed grey wolf asked.

Before midnight could respond, the first grey wolf growled “Storm why must you always think with your stomach?”

“your hungry too Shadow, we were running for hours” Storm rumbled his protest.

“Storm, Shadow, stop with your bickering” Midnight hissed as the bundle started to squirm and a small black furry head poked out of the cloth that enclosed it. Midnight sniffed the small pup.

“you brought a pup! Who is he?” Shadows ears perked up as he approached the pup.

“she… her name is Carbon.” The large black wolf answered.

post 66
wow

if i could explain everything to you, i would, but i cant find the words to do so.
i feel as if i am slowly losing my mind.

half the time it feels as if the words i say are not my own, and my thoughts are not my own.

i feel as if im losing myself, but i know i must fight to hold on.

i need to figure out how to stop this without hurting you.

im sorry
for everything

well im in the band room
walking outside at 7 am really makes me feel betetr.
and the world looks like a better place
cause not many humans are out
there are frogs, geese and ducks, this pretty black singing bird, butterflies, misquitos
well not all of nature is nice
but life is full of mixed blessings
yin and yang
remember
life is 0nly as good as you make it
shadowstich

well i 'm at school, finished my part of a powerpoint on LCL sprains
and i realised i have not updated this recently
what to say
G: things have been somewhat rough lately, and i have not been very talkative towards you, mostly because my hamstring sprain has left me in a very foul mood, and has left me feeling trapped and very bitchy, and i dont want to take it out on you
A(the one who knows G): i really hope that things get better for you. saying that ive gone through the same thing may be thr truth, but it probably doesnt make you feel better. i ment what i said yesterday, if there is any way i can help, just tell me and i will help you.
J: im really happy for you, and i hope everything goes well with that. good luck this week.
C: how can you not kill the percussionists . i really hope things go well with you and your man.
Z (since s is used too much) im glad you and i have been talking alot latley, and i love your webcam. it makes me happy. you have been very good at de-stressing me, and your a great guy. i freally hope you can make it on friday
everyone else: if you want me to say stuf towards you, just say so.
fyi i dont have use of computers or tv on school days.
you can call my cell anytime (within reason) or text me (i have texting now)
take care
Shadowstich

bipolar???

well i think every things better
but one of my friends thinks i may be bi-polar
definition
Bipolar disorder is not a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders defined by the presence of one or more episodes of abnormally elevated mood, clinically referred to as mania. Individuals who experience manic episodes also commonly experience depressive episodes or symptoms, or mixed episodes in which features of both mania and depression are present. These episodes are normally separated by periods of normal mood, but in some patients, depression and mania may rapidly alternate


i think she may be right

kinda scary thought

but its the most accurate thing i have right now

and im trying to figure things out
but its really hard

but i need to keep my spirits up
even tho i may not be able to go to martial arts for awhile
as ive injured my hip, and need to see a doctor or chiropractor

well hello
I AM NOT NAMING HIM BUTTERBALL
and anyways
at this poing he is BUTTER BLOB
cause he keeps growing
and growing
so much has been on my mind
im lacking in sleep
and confused
cause im wondering how i can like this guy, when we dont have much in common, at all.
and ive finally learned not to rush into things
why is lucario my lover?
because b probably realised that i cant keep a guy
longest relationship
under 2 weeks
with a guy who ended up saying i was possessed by a demon and tried to ward me of with a bible and cross

yeah

and shortest

under 30 hours

ive dated 5 guys

and whats my luck
NILLLLLL
but oh well
lucario is a sexy beast


hes ALL MINE

XD


um
yeah

i still dont understand hoe one guy thought i would be scared by listening to death metal or whatever he called it

right now im listening to techno


and updating this
cause of course you wont know im updating this...

everything in life changes
it would of been easier if you didnt lie in the first place


ive said this before
and i say it now
what doesnt kill me makes me stronger

altho i would of prefered this not to happen
i guess i knew deep down it would
and because ive faced it before.

so you know what?
if you ever want to talk to me, then fine, i will talk to you back
but i understand.
shadowstich

well im back in the band room...
i now have 2 videos of me singing on youtube, both need to be re-done
cause one is pure crap
and the other could be way better
i dont know whether i should kill a friend or thank him
i happen to like my friend's (now known as S) friend (known now as A)
(neither of these names have come up before i dont think)
anyways... i asked S who is friends with A if i'd ever have a chance with A
s didnt know,
so i brilliantly asked him to ask A in a way that didn't reveal my feelings
he said he would
but i think there was major Miss-communication
and he proceeded to ask A out for me
not a bad thing
but thankfully A said no, as he doesnt really know me.
im not looking for a relationship right now
and my next one, i plan to go slowly with, as i've finally learned from my mistakes.

i didnt make the talent show
and im making some changes to the song (just the music)


this is what they said

Hey shadowstich, I apologize if person 1 was really rude to you today, and even if I was too, I am sorry. A lot was going on so I wasn't really paying attention. So basically, because you didn't show up, and because we were really tight on our schedule and we were not certain whether or not you were prepared, it was a unanimous decision to not have you be a performer for the talent show. We're really sorry shadowstich. It was a really hard decision, and we'd like to thank you for getting the courage and coming out to sing for us. Keep on writing those wonderful songs!


atleast they were nice about it

ive been slightly (or more then slightly) bitter about not making it
but what doesn't kill me will make me stronger.
this gives me more time to learn how to use the program and make my music better
and write new songs


with my songwriting, ive been having a lot of difficulty,as with being no longer depressed, depressing songs are hard to right
and i suck at happy or love songs

my next song is in the making, but it will take some time.

ive realised something
im not friends with anyone i was friends with in junior high who is in my school now
H,Sa,J, were not really friends at that point
and well... most will know i only really had Em, random druggies, and Er (who is now in ontario) and Am(who is in abe)
but now i have new friends, who i feel as if i belong with them.

altho sometimes i wonder if some people do consider me friends, or if they dont want to hurt me by telling me to go away, i just wish i knew the answer.

ive had people i thought were friends end up hating me...
not the most fun feeling and awkward, as one of the people... well i train with her dad, who knows nothing of the fight.

thankfully i was able to spar last night, and altho i am very sore, im calm, and not about to blow up, which ive been at the brink of doing. and after the weekend i had... id say its understandable

but anyways

im off
shadowstich

change re-arrange

hey
im in the library, as the band room is not open
im listening to carbon leaf as i type this


whats this?
i have a song i dont think i have posted
so here it is


its called change re-arrange

moonlight guides the way
night turns into day
the stars in the sky
keep us asking why

as everything changed
life was re-arranged
and nothing we do
can keep our hearts true

as day fades to night
nothing is alright
as lies run amiss
no way to fix this


as everything changed
life was re-arranged
and nothing we do
can keep our hearts true

the result is pain
and going insane
and everyone dies
amidst the sad cries


as everything changed
life was re-arranged
and nothing we do
can keep our hearts true

stuck in this nightmare
no one seems to care
they think they're the best
forget all the rest

as everything changed
life was re-arranged
and nothing we do
can keep our hearts true

its 8:10
and im in the band room
does anyone know how to use siblius?
cause im somewhat confused
yesterday was the talent show auditions and i sang "Away from here"
some of you may recall that i wrote it.
well right now im working on the music for it.
life gets so confusing
i have a new pet
its a dwarf hamster
his name is Eric (Eric Ashley-pit) (from great escape)
he is a golden dwarf who, we found out later, is very teritorial and will kill any intruders
thankfully my mum was able to save cricket (her hamster)
and we now have two cages
eric had decided to run on his wheel from 1 am to 4 am
did i forget to mention?
his wheel squeaks
so i am very tired
well
peace
shadowstich

well my last post ended on a bad note
most of what i have to say has been said (check your blog boi)
something else i'd like to add is this
altho i am trying to change, and learn everything
sometimes i find the amount of information you give me overwhelming.
if it gets to a point in a conversation when i need you to stop, i will tell you
that does not mean stop everything
it just means that i need a break from all of it
i truly appreciate you trying to teach me
and i hope if i have to tell you to stop talking about that stuff, that you wont get offended.

and to everyone else
what i said about meddling with my love life
i dont want to be in a relationship right now
im going through other changes
changes that in my opinion are alot more important then any relationship could be.


and to those who have no clue what the change is
ITS NOT A SEX CHANGE


well i have DANCE
ye-yeah

to J: yes our friendship has had some small issues, but true friendship can get over all of that, and it has. i love you, and im pretty sure your in the other room

to A (if you ever decide to read this): i understand that you dont like sharing information about your life. im sorry if i offended you the other day, and im sorry if i try to push information out of you. i know i can be very annoying sometimes. i hope that everything goes well for you.

to G: look up, and also at your blog. thanks

to C: you are an awesome girl, but please no more molesting me when im stuck in a couch, at least not when j is filming it. <3 and im afraid because im afraid of change.

to everyone else... i hope your life is going well.
take care all
Shadowstich

well guess what
im at school
in the band room...
for the first time in ages
and im gonna be in here more often again
as i try to figure out how to use sibelius
cause im trying to write a guitar peice for afew songs
and i have no clue what im doing

favorite song right now: comfort (by carbon leaf)
if you have time... listen to it
cause its an awesome song
sorry ive not been updateing this
ive been busy
and you know what random people who are still my friends but are not usually readers?
stop medeling with my love life
i would of been better off not knowing that the girl i am compleatly crushing on wouldnt date me even if she was single because she thinks it would be too awkward.
i also dont need to know who has a crush on me
well im must go do other things
peace
shadowstich

do i need a title?

well right now im going through changes, and a few of you know the major one.

i have to keep it quiet for now, as im not sure how my parents will take it

the other is im going to be wearing darker clothing (kinda goth)

dont worry, im not depressed or anything.

im the opposite of depressed

i think the term is

overjoyed, happy, joyfull, anti depressed?

fill in the blank.

this is mostly thanks to one friend, whom i have been talking to as i write this.

im learning alot right now,

im stubborn and curious

sorry G and Ally

you both will get a lot of questions directed at you (but not on here, this is just a fore word)

some day i will share what the topic of this post is, but im not ready for it yet

this is all so new

and to be honest, im afraid, of this... maybe, of my parents knowing, defiantly, and im afraid of other things, i cant explain, as i dont know myself,

im somewhat afraid of big changes, and this is a huge one.

im glad i have friends to guide me,teach me, help me, accept me, understand me, listen to me, the list goes on and on

thanks so much.

there are no words to describe how thank full i am to have become your friend. (this applies to anyone except the random creepers)

sincerely

Shadowstich

sorry that it has taken me so long to write again.
life has been keeping me busy, and confused
right now i am very sore, as i was in martial arts last night.
spring break starts tomorrow, and many, including myself, are excited about it.
recently our two school bands went to edmonton.
it was a fun experience, but im still tired out from it.
i dont have much to way right now, but there are a few things
perverted knight... do you still read this? (you know very well who you are <3)
who else reads this?
i am curious...
but alas, i must go do other things.
ttfn
Shadowstich

Too Late

Everyone consumed by pain
All your words so full of hate
Everyone has gone insane
And now it’s just way too late

It’s too late to say goodbye
And too late for things to change
I’m sick of living these lies
Everything is so deranged

All the empty words I heard
Every stupid thing you did
Actions spoke louder then words
And in constant lies you hid

It’s too late to say goodbye
And too late for things to change
I’m sick of living these lies
Everything is so deranged

You can’t take everything back
Your hatred will take its toll
And just like a heart attack
You are losing all control

It’s too late to say goodbye
And too late for things to change
I’m sick of living these lies
Everything is so deranged

And now its just too late

(thats my newest song.)

ha ha

hey all.
sorry its been so long.
and i have so much to say and so little time.
im listening to carbon leaf (yes G, i actually like them alot)
and im confused and am suffering from high emotions.
this is not helped by the fact my fish died today
and love is a confusing thing
but whatever...
ive had people ask me why i havnt updated this
i didnt know you people read this.
cool
yeah
so much to say
how to put it down
to one reader who faced my wrath yesterday
im very... very sorry.
to another
love is confusing. stay loyal
and i know what your going through. i went through it too, and still am.
the three who check this most. G, J, and C. thanks
j and c
we have to like jam or something
c, yeah i know how it goes, but i need some help with the music
and j, your help would be awesome too
im running out of time
AHHHH
yes.
im typing without thinking
this wont end well
im working on another song
and taoh is doing GREAT
im hoping i can get another to read this.
and i need to stop meating new people
but im glad you introduced me to him G, no i dont see him that way.
why do guys assume im going to ask them out
talking to one guy then suddenly
"you do know im not going to go out with you... right"
i think my responce was WHAT??????????????
yeah
do i flirt with everyone or something
probably.
it was a foggy morning.
yeah
well are you guys happy
here is an UPDATE
anything you want/need to know... ask

away from here

watching the stars at night
and yet another fight
still dont know what to say
the words just fade away

and i just wanna see
memories disapear
and i just wanna be
somewhere away from here

as day by day goes by
and yet another lie
the time goes by so fast
and now its in the past

and i just wanna see
memories disapear
and i just wanna be
somewhere away from here

and it all fell apart
peices of broken heart
you wern't you anymore
when you walked out the door
did we have everything
or even anything
all of this came un-done
and there's no where to run

and i just wanna see
memories disapear
and i just wanna be
somewhere away from here