first time in ages my poetry has no tune
written by a crazy loon
trying to rhyme may not make sence
its not easy in my defence
but sometimes words come out their best
when each one has to pass a test
will they pass or will they fail
as i write a strange small tale




sorry if i let you down,
walking in this empty town,
trying to find my way to you,
running out of things to do,

waiting for the call that wont come,
the words that make things come undone,
the silence seems so terrible,
the bitter cold unbarable

silence broken by a scream
harsh wakeup from a dream
into a shattered reality
surrounded by lies you cant see

half dark half light
half wrong half right
both confused
unamused
never balanced, never the same
each driving the other insane
stand together or fall apart
following a broken heart


leave now creature of light
i need not your ideas of right
you belong out there so shine
leave the dark for me to define
i need not your deception
pointing out a direction
telling me which way to go
pointing out what i dont know


this has no dedication
maybe no admiration
running out of time
battery dieing fine

what do you say when theres nothing left to say?
what do you do when you have nothing left to do?
who do you turn to when theres no one left to turn to?
who do you pray to when god has let you down?
when is the right time to say i love you?
when will the phone ring?
where do you go when you cant find your home?
where do you sleep when your not next to me?
why do i ask such random things?
why do i feel the need to question everything?



some of these are just random
but most of my random comes from somewhere...
and these are not so random...
but most of them are not directed to who you would think.

why cant i spell my name with a y
i like it that way
but no
if theres a y i must be a guy
why does my using my nickname confuse so many people

so i will have to go back to a different doctor and see if i need a steroid puffer?
it feels weird to actually breath normially
cause it had been so long i was used to it

and my puffer tastes really bad



why is it you send me mixxed siignals
it confuses me.
cause i never know what to expect from you.
so please stop wearing a mask.




why do i want to be in your arms?
i guess cause it feels safe there.
not to mention warm.
i am a heat leach... omn nom nom
i wish i knew how to tell you that things are ok, and you dont need to wory so much.



why is it we started talking? im not complaining, you are an awesome gal. i really enjoy hanging out with you and thanks for coming with me to the cliffs. and see? i didnt drop your laptop



why is it you are my best friend? given that your sister went out of her way to make life hell? it confuses me sometimes. and your sister still scares me.



why is everythinng so complicated

and why am i so cold?

i dont know what else to put
so peace

thinking about stuff
and my mind ends up on one guy, who i hung out with last night, and might tonight.
i highly doubt i will ever find a steady relationship...

i read all of my blog last night, laughed a lot, cried abit, remembered stuff i hadnt...

its strange.
i write about people a lot...
iguess its something thats on my mind a lot
i noticed that there are a lot of typos in this.
but i guess there are a lot of typos in me too...
no one is perfect...


screw this
DEDICATION TIME

Mr totten: thanks for being there for me. im sorry if i annoy you. i care alot about you, you make me think way more than most people. Im really glad you and i started talking. yoou are an amaizing guy. and you are very attractive, even if you dont think so. i think where some of the atraction comes from is your personality. thanks forbeing my friend

ma'am, j, i love you, you are my best friend. i hope that never changes.
im sorry i didnt tell you what was wrong when i should have.
i want to hang with you. socall me

Good godric: lets see if you can figure out who this is for.
i really want to read your scripts. and i think you need to be less busy
you are an awesome chick, and i want to become closer friends with you. i bet if you went through my entire blog you would go nuts from the typos :D

zuli: well... you are way to friggen busy... but i miss you. i dont know if we can hang at the cliffs, but i want to hang with you. you are a very special guy, and i love you (friend only at this point)

who else...

cai- you are pnonominal, and im so glad we are friends and right now i am going to send you a text.there. sent it. yay for band trip and sharing a room
i am so excited


am i missing anyone at this point?
if so, just tell me and i will try to remember next time

have a phonominominomal day

Shadowstich

heh.
so i get to use a puffer now.
i am so confused and worried and nervous right now.
i dont know whats right anymore.
do i risk everything for you? if i do would it be worth it?
i want to...
but i dont know how to.
when did life get so confusing?
i guess wehen i realised i actually was going to go through it, and actually had to care about what happened.
i am way too cold and tired.
so goodnight
Shadowstich

Take a chance and dance


Lay awake thinking bout everything
Listen to a silent melody
Just Cant help but think about you
I still don’t know what to do

And id do anything for just one chance
Id do Anything for just one dance
Its not that complicated don’t you see
So just take this chance and dance with me

Its getting late , the stars are almost out
And I am filled with way too much doubt
I start to wonder, should I go
But there is something you should know


id do anything for just one chance
Id do Anything for just one dance
Its not that complicated don’t you see
So just take this chance and dance with me

Its almost midnight, waiting for a sign
Worried I’ll simply run out of time
I see you and don’t know what to say
Do I take the risk today

id do anything for just one chance
Id do Anything for just one dance
Its not that complicated don’t you see
So just take this chance and dance with me

The music ends and its time to depart
And im carrying a wounded heart
But then I turn around and see you
And you know just what to do

Im so glad you took the chance
And lead me in this dance
Sometimes I wonder if you see
Just How happy you make me

FLY FREE COMPLEATED

Fly free
By: Shadowstich

Find me a story that’s fit for a king
Instead of a lie from the heart
Find me a song that the angels will sing
Cause this world is getting to dark

Chorus
Take me away to another place
Where the stars up above can be seen
A different aspect of time and space
Somewhere that I can fly free

Warmth from the sun, cold from the sea
Fog floating along in a cloud
Then cleared by the blow of a very strong breeze
The whispers becoming so loud

Chorus
Take me away to another place
Where the stars up above can be seen
A different aspect of time and space
Somewhere that I can fly free

Bright light brings shadows black like the night
Making the world shades of grey
Nothing is easy and nothing is right
Is this the price we must pay

Chorus
Take me away to another place
Where the stars up above can be seen
A different aspect of time and space
Somewhere that I can fly free

All of the memories lie in the past
Waiting to be recalled
Focus on now and make the days last
Before your senses are dulled

ChorusTake me away to another place
Where the stars up above can be seen
A different aspect of time and space
Somewhere that I can fly free

Find me a world and then colour it rainbow
Just like a brilliant sunrise
So many things we still do not know
More than meets the eyes

i dont know what to do anymore
it seems like everything i do either dissapoints someone, or makes me unhappy
i was really happy with him, but being with him disapointed my best friend, and a guy whos opinion i value highly.
i was working really hard at physics
dropped it recently
cause i was failing
and i worked my ass off in that class
and got like... 48
and disapointed my parents

its always fucking dissapointment
why cant someone get mad at me?
i dont know who to turn to really
cause i dont feel as tho i can talk to my best friend...
and i dont want to use this to bitch

i wonder if you know how much you messed me up.
or that i dont know if you did
i used to be certain of my actions
now im so afraid i will be stabbed in the back.
i hate how my best friend will:
a)only read this when i ask her to
b) expect me to stop what im doing when she needs to talk, but say shes busy when i need to talk.


i just wish people could be honest to me.
because im starting to be able to tell when people are lyingto me,
but i cant tell what about
so i assume the worst.

and i think i just lost someone as a friend
but i think he was doing what someone else did.
pretending to be my friend out of pity.


im starting to doubt there is a god
because my prayers are never answered.

and i have listened to a song repeatedly

a guy named mike sent it to me

hes really really awesome
but hes 21
which means just friends

which sucks
i hate being 16
because im suposed to be mature, but i cant be an adult.

sorry about the rant
Shadowstich

thinking bout a lot latley
life, love, you, me, everything in between.
i dont know why i was so hung up on this guy, i finally realized hes a fool.
im not going to use this to diss him,
cause thats just wrong.
and there is this guy, im one of my classes, and i really like him, and obviously i dont know what to do.
i dont know if i have a chance with you,
and i dont know if its worth risking your friendship for a highschool relationship.
and back to the first topic... kinda
i saw one girl who used to hate me, and she and i are kinda friends again, we both realised that people change over time. it was nice seeing her again.

and i did not finish this... i thought i did
so not i will post it and then... fall asleep shortly after

kay anyone who reads this.
i am ordering you to tell me who you are
cause i think i know one of the people who said yes
but i dont know who else...
heh

fly free (maybe?)

new song... i really like it


find me a story fit for a king
instead of a lie from the heart
find me a song that the angels will sing
cause this world is getting to dark

Chorus
take me away to another place
where the stars up above can be seen
a different aspect of time and space
somewhere that i can fly free

warmpth from the sun, cold from the sea
fog floating along in a cloud
then cleared by thye blow of a very strong breeze
the whispers becoming so loud

Chorus
take me away to another place
where the stars up above can be seen
a different aspect of time and space
somewhere that i can fly free

bright light brings shadows black like the night
making the world shades of grey
nothing is easy and nothing is right
is this the price we must pay

Chorus
take me away to another place
where the stars up above can be seen
a different aspect of time and space
somewhere that i can fly free

fuck.
i really want to talk to you
but you will shoot me down if i try.
and i have class soon.
and your in it.
do you know how annoying it is?
to see someone everyday, want to talk to them, but they dont want to talk to you.
and i am way too paronoid for my own good.

so much has changed
and i am screwed
kay yesterday i played from 8:30-1:15 without a break.
i could barley get sound out.
today i still cant play much, cant get past c, and we are doing solos today.
what fun
ive kinda stoped bloging
as there is no point in writing in this without anyone to read this.
sure some people will read this if i remind them, but i dont want to have to remind them.
right now im listening to secondhand sarenade
and you have been in my mind a lot
it would be easier to stop thinking bout you if i didnt see you every fucking day
or if you would just ignore me.
cause i still want to be your friend
ive changed because of you.
but whats the point of writing this.
oh... right.
there isnt

wow its been a while.
and life is stressful.
do people still read this?
if you do tell me.
because i am lacking in motivation for writing.
and i feel there is no point writing if there is no audience
so tell me you read this.
untill i know i have a reader,
tata
shadowstich

i dont know what im doing...
i mean i dont know what im doing with my life
right now i am thinking too much, worying too much, and listening to a song in a language i dont understand.
im cold (as always)
and confused
i have a great boyfriend
a great family...
why cant i be satisfyed with that.
i find myself looking at other guys (but i have learned not to do anything)
i find the smallest things can piss me off...
i cant wait for winter to end...
as i suffer sfrom seasonally affected disorder... aka S.A.D...
what does that mean?
winter makes me depressed.
oh new song... its in... french?
yay pigloo :D
i still dont know exactly who reads this...
which is why i watch what i say...
im tempted to start a new one just so i can type whatever i want, without pissing off anyone, or risking saying something i dont want someone to hear...
i used to be able to open up so easily...
but so much has changed
have i changed?
and is it for better of for worse?
finnd me and show me what you want from me
so you think im strong?
how so...
we had the furnace serviced today... whgy is it i am so cold?
and now spanish pop....???
and back to either german or duch???
schnuffle :D
chei chei ch-ch-ch-chei *dances*
*shivers*
why is it i have the least to say when i have the most time....?
fyi... right now i am depressed... i could really use people to talk to.
im having trouble making conversation....
but the entire time i have been on msn 1 person has started a conversation with me....
and it makes me feel unwanted.
SHADOWSTICH

why do i find myself worying about you
still reading your blog?
you have told me in the past you dont want to talk to me, and you think im an annoyance
that doesnt mean i dont want to talk to you.
cause i miss talking to you
and find myself thinking about you
right now your stressed out, and i just want to help make things better.
but i cant, because i dont think you would let me.
a while ago i wrote a song about you, and was going to sing it in a show, but decided not to, as some things are best left unsaid, or said in a different way.
you have helped me in the past. i just wish i could return the favor
Shadowstich

and now finally for a post
for the song "in the morn" i am looking for people to help me with instruments (both playing and writing)
things are going pretty great
tomorrow will be one month :)
finally proving the vampire saliva theory wrong
finally....
took me long enough
i have a sectional at the end of class
which i am looking forwards to.
as the french horn section is awesome

right now im listening to psyco teady
im starting to like the techno pop stuff
like gummibar...

and Schnuffel
awesome ness


yay
right now im in an artistic mood
listening to music
writing a lot
writing music, or attempting to.


dont have too much to say right now.

in the morn

the nights are alive
with the tears children cry
and the days are so cold
cause of stories untold
the shot of a gun
as things come udone
and nothings the same in the morn

things are falling apart
getting shot in the dark
cause theres no one left to save you
theres fear in your eyes
when yet another lie
escapes from your lips
and your hearts doing flips
just to stay alive in the morn

when nothings the same
except for the blame
and the fear that you will be next
to feel the blade
as your life starts to fade
one more life lost
in a holocoust
fading away in the morn

nothing left

nothings pure, cant find a cure
nothing left to do
falling down, hit the ground
nothing left to prove

darkness spreads around
and yet the truth still cant be found
and theres nothing left
nothing left
still cant find the light
only yet another fight
cause theres nothing left
yeah nothing left

running late, full of hate
nothing left to say
this is the end, so dont pretend
nothing left today

darkness spreads around
and yet the truth still cant be found
and theres nothing left
nothing left
still cant find the light
only yet another fight
cause theres nothing left
yeah nothing left

slow your pace its not a race
nothing left to see
take a chance, do a dance
nothing left to be

darkness spreads around
and yet the truth still cant be found
and theres nothing left
nothing left
still cant find the light
only yet another fight
cause theres nothing left
yeah nothing left

take a song, just sing along
nothing left to share
take some time, just redifine
nothing left to bare


darkness spreads around
and yet the truth still cant be found
and theres nothing left
nothing left
still cant find the light
only yet another fight
cause theres nothing left
yeah nothing left

sorry its taken so long
life is pissing me off
a few people are spreading rumers around about me,
i wont say what they are,
and theres only the slightest bit of truth,
the rumors story is so compleatly off, and make me sound like im:
a) crazy
b) creepy
c)idiotic
d)all three

if you guessed d you are correct.
its amaizing how much rumors can effect you.

whats the worst is, theres actually a truestory i cant tell, and some chick says she saw it happen, when in truth, we were compleatly alone.

why cant people just drop things
WHO CAIRS
if anyone who reads this knows whats going on, or wants to know, just ask me, i cant tell you everything, but you should know i dont do that

in 39 minutes i leave the house
what will i do today?
gym at 8 (sit and watch people curl, i still cant due to physiotherapy)
social (learn about the holucost)
recess (text boyfriend)
chem (test)
math (new unit)
sectional (just 1st and 3rd horn, sadly the section leader cant make it :()
take the bus, then another
spend whatever time i have at the mall...
start work (its now( 5)
start closing store (if i have to close with roy i will scream)
leave at 9, unless roy is there, if so 9:30
get home at 10.
YAY


if you want me to update this ask.
SHADOWSTICH