sometimes i really worry about some of you.
the thing is, ive offered help in the past
and its a standing thing
i'd offer again, but i dont think you would accept my help.
i care about all of you.
and i really want to help you if i can.
so if you want my help leave a message text or whatever.

the stampede is insane
i felt sick for so much of yesterday
im pretty sure it was the corn dog
and the atmosphere
i was getting to the point where i wanted to kill things

i think that may be in my system still...
and one reader, i know exactly how you feel with the wanting to hurt people.

fuck
every once and awhile i want to hurt people around me, those i care about
and it really doesnt help that im kind of depressed right now
thing is im bringing it on myself... i know this
but i cant help being pessimistic and expecting the worst in relationships.

im so worried something will go wrong
that i will screw up
or get used
or cheated on
and it hurts
i want to trust, but its hard
because every once and awhile i trust too much
and then get hurt

eh
thinking
sometimes i will say im doing fine, just so that other people dont feel the need to try to help me
you got sick of me always saying my problems, so i've stopped, for the most part.

everyone has problems...
i have to many to list
do you want examples?
im highly adhd
im paranoid
i enjoy pain
i enjoy inflicting pain
i have conversations in my head
i know like... 6 ways to kill people with bare hands

there are countless others
but i will be fine
bye
shadowstich