Dont wanna

every day is just the same
same old lies and same old blames
day after day i wish my life would change
but no im stuck here all alone
no one gives a damn about me

and
i dont wanna be teased
done wanna be alone
dont wanna be the thing they laugh at
i just wanna be free
free just to be

yeah
im sick of this life
im sick of this world
where everythings the same
nothing will change
im stuck here singing
woah

i dont wanna be teased
done wanna be alone
dont wanna be the thing they laugh at
i just wanna be free
free just to be
free just to be

(my first song, writen before councling, so...)

sticks and stones

no one knows the pain
slowly driving me insane
no one knows the tears i cry
or how often i wanna die

cause

sticks and stones may break my bones
but words they hurt much worse
bones will heal and scars will fade
but broken hearts dont mend

all the words you say
never go away
they haunt me in my sleep
like a record on repeat

cause

sticks and stones may break my bones
but words they hurt much worse
bones will heal and scars will fade
but broken hearts dont mend
my broken heart wont mend

(writen grade 8)

better on my own

All the times you hurt me
All the times you lied
All the times you dont see
All the times I've cried
*chorus*
You said it's over, it's done
But I still think that you're wrong
I think that it's just begun
And you've go on for too long
*also chorus*
I dont need you anymore
I'm fine being left alone
Thought I needed you before
Now i'm better on my own
Every little thing you do
Every little thing you've said
So little of it is true
You were messing with my head
*chorus*
You tried to bring me down
You tried to tear me apart
But I guess you finaly found
You didn't know where to start
*chorus*

last night writing and today typing

given i cant blog every night i have decided to write in this ugly little book with fairies on it... its somewhat sickening.
J. im learning the song you taught me on my horn. i just finished practicing.

which reminds me.
i saw my old section leader the other day.
i love giving people titles
which is whi i want to keep calling her "Section Leader"
thats also i want to call a certain reader "______ the tech man"
(yes i know your name...but not all the random creepers reading this do....)

i wonder if i will type this up
because this feels like im writing in a diary
which
FYI
I dont do.

im sitting on my bed right now

looking at my stereo.

using my feet to change the song.

i can use my feet like hands

if i could i would never wear socks or shoes. even on this there are typos (which i have updated)
but i cant blame my horrible spelling on typos
G... did you ever listen to the 2 songs i sent you?

well every day we find something new
and this new day well i found you


i hate people who cheat on others. its inexcusable
and its stuck on my mind
alas i cant go into details.

change topics
*very discretely*

you are So VERY LUCKY that i am typing this up, as my writing sucks

but this is a lot of fun.
starting page 4
and my wrist is cramping as i write madly away

i have huge feet
size 9 1/2 mens
and FYI
im a GIRL
i just happen to like guys shoes.
come on
you try to find size 11-12 women shoes.
good luck with that

and im tired and have to cleen my room
because you needed to know that
how am i
pretty good
writing always makes me feel better
and i had a good day

what did i do today

lets see

woke up at 9:30
via alarm clock... aka my mum.
did stuff
went out for lunch... ate greasy food
went home
went to teach
found out class started at 5 and had 2 hours to kill
taught half an hour and felt ill
i still do slightly
i think it was the greese
went home
studied math
ate food
played horn
wrote in this
what will i do next??
who CARES
wow that s looks like a 3 and an S mated and had a mutant offspring

my hand hurts
peace
SHADOWSTICH
(sorry you cant see my sweet signature)


that was 6 pages

and now im typing whats in my head not on the page
cause i can read my thoughts way more easily than my writing
fyi i cooked food instead of cleaned my room
garlic shrimp
it was consumable
g... your writing is neater than mine
cause i have chicken scratch
iv e been thinking a lot about love
i plan to wait for this girl to break up with her boy (she cant take a long distance relationship) does that make me a bad person?
because when they break up i will probably ask her out
as she is amazing


i feel bad for her boy tho

gah
im going to go off and do stuff
some day i will scan in stuff from my notebook for you to read
cause you cant read it at all
im gonna go play rockband

haha
yes
g
its a great game
try it


well im off
peace

well j you owe me a sleepover and night of playing rockband
yes
last night couldnt happen the way we had hoped
but
sei la vie
which means
such is life


yes
work
when my boss was hiring me she interviewed me
and her response to almost everything was
"cute"
and im like
"cute???"
CUTE????
that makes no sence at all
me cute???
ha
im not cute

it was really creepy
my thoughts were
what is she really thinking
im not cute
so is cute just what she really thinks
or is she thinking im a moron

well she hired me so....


its cause im a moron

there we go

listening to still alive right now
and im forcing g to do the same
thanks muchly g

yes i love that song

i dont have much tomsay right now
because right now i am compleatly content with life
and i want to SING

so badly


well im off to talk to g
later random people reading this
Shadowstich

well
im in write rapidly mood
because i want to take my mind off things
why
because my currint situation is a horid one
i got 62 in math... so i need to pay a teacher from school to teach me both 10 and 20 pure in the month of july
oh yay
love is a horibvle wonderfull feeling
and the only way i can describe how i feel is this
its from a manga called "Loveless"
"i want to be around you... but... it hurts to be around you"

work...
yes i have a job at a place that sells silver shprts.
and crocs
whats with crocs that make them so popular
they look stupid and are silver or gold
WHY
MUST
THEY
BE
SO
POPULAR


i found something else out
whem people are negitive towards me i am overly happy towards them
today i had to fake being hapy so much i became peppier then a chearleading squad

my emotions want to die

i also really want to cry
because inside i hurt so much right now
but its because i care way too much...
and i keep getting close to crying
but i stop myself
because i hate showing weeknesses
so soon im going to watch a really sad movie and cry for maybe 3 hours

this hiding emotions cant be good for me.

Bob: "is it time to do random dedications???" *looks hopefull*
Shadowstich: "i dont think so bob" *yawns*



did i get your hopes up???
i dont think so

because that would be so creepy


aparently im a really creppy person
Situation#1
Shadowstich *appears in the missle of a shirt rack* "Hi. May i help YOU????"
Person 1 "AHHHHHH"


situation #2
Shadowstch:"hi your total comes to 10.50"
person 2: "ok" *pays*
Shadowstich: "Have a FUNtastical day"
(person one fainted)


Forwars: person one did not exist... except for in my co-workers mind




anyways
im just going to keep writing
because it makes me feel better


and i need to feel better
i wonder if there is a word limit
or if you just skim over my random ranting

i wonder a lot


new song stuff
yess its similer to away from here
but i like it


way different tune

as the days go by they fade in to your memories

and all thats left behind from them is uncertanties

and you question every move that you make

and your way to worried about making a mistake

and it feels like your falling

yeah feels like your falling

it feels like your falling

in love

thats all i really have right now


its a love song
if you cant tell


im repeating some words in my head right now
"my readers aree not idiots...my readers aree not idiots"

yes
i know you people are smart


otherwise i wouldnt put complicating wrds in this

if i ever do
ONOMATIPEIA
there you go

well my week is free except for wendsday
and i want to hang out with yu lovley people
so CALL
as i dont have computers on schooldays
or weekdays
whatever you want to call them

i noticed something else
when im trying not to cry i usually sing a song called
Better Than This
by
Busted



i dont know why
but it could be why i sing with a british accent sometimes
and just some words
i think


my feet hurt so much
it burns to walk on them


liustening to ignorance
words that stick out
"They wont let go... when you see them coming, please let me know"

i love those lines
"if fools were ment to fuck you then why do fools fall in love?"
very good question duggie

next song
i cant take my eyes off of you
from high school musical
i love ryan
cause hes so gay
and hes totally my vocal range one octive lower


birds and boats
by
gregory and the hawk
the most amaizing song
and it nearly is making me cry as i type it
it could be because its such a sweet song
or maybe because it reminds me of the paso
a little under a year ago
the scene: wabikon
triplet c is singing this cong

i miss everyone except this one girl
who really hated me

now its walk in the sun
which reminds me g... what happened to your teaching me

the reason i bring this up is because of the lines
"sitting and watching the world going by
is it true when we die we go up to the sky?

now its yellowcard and i will stop this for now


ah im feeling somewhat better now
because i needed to get some stuff out
even if it doesnt actually say anything
g... i know you read this, and its why i keep doing this...
and it always makes me feel better.
your a great guy, and you look so cute in your grade 10 yearbook pict...
i hope next year i can have you as a section leader.

N. well i just told you to read this.
i think your an absolutley amaizing gall
and im making you read this so i love you...

J. im so tired from the sleepover
but good times
coming soon you and me rockband

Zuli. im sorry... thats all i can say
is im so fucking sorry

C. have fun in quebec

me: your readers are not idiots...

bob... i hope your happy with fred

steph... there you go... anything new to go with bob and john???

and im off to bed as ive spent too long ttyping
so goodnight all
PEACE OUT
*starts hickuping*
well i *hick* had the hickups for *hic* 2 hours *hic* while i worked so i *hic* was like " hi *hic* can i *hic* help you *hic*

yes
it hurt after a few hours

goodnight
SHADOWSTICH THE TIRED

well
guess what
I HAVE A JOB
i also have a bruised foot
a bloody foot
a possibility of a bruise forming n my jaw...
oh yes
today was a great day
lets start with 2 m
talking to Zuli on the phone
fun times
and im about to go into a stage of not thinkinking as i write.
or correcting
see above
anyways
whats really been bugging me
is this
im overly "BRAVE" as some people say
as in im open with my feelings
and ive asked guys out
and ive gotten "your a great gal"
"your a funny cool fun person"
"your a great girl"
this is always followed by "BUT..."
if im so great why cant you see me that way?
if im so great then why have i been cheated on or used or both in pretty much every relationship.

well if you cant tell love is on my mind.
the feeling love is so overpowering
its when you feel like you want to puke but it somehow feels good
well thats how J views it when we talked last night

G. do you have the song recorded?? and i hope everything is going well, we have not talked lately except for the few texts... go on msn some time, or maybe coffee... ?

J. im sorry if my being insanely jealous was weird. but ive told you why.
we have to hang
and you are an amazing friend and im so glad to have you as a bff.

Zuli... well i will try to avoid being vague as much as possible, im learning... hopefully we can hang out soon, and sometime spar, cause in your car was not fare at all...

C... do you still read????? well we defiantly have to chill soon...

everyone else. tell me if you read, as i often leave messages for people

well im off to have a bath...
and then spend an hour deciding what to wear tomorrow
send a text if you want...
i dont bite much... except when im allowed to.


Shadowstich

right now im listening to Make you Smile by +44 as i do math
favorite band right now: carbon leaf
favorite book: i duno
i kinda cut off on my last post
and if you read this, comment.
because im starting to wonder...
i think too much
and talk too much
and text too much... sorry
if my texting is too much, sorry
just tell me.
i get bored and text randomly
i need blunt sometimes
and i understand...
wow today
was
a
first
i hung with people from a group i was introduced to and compleatly enjoyed myself.
wow.
its such an odd feeling
i also hung with zuli
who is EVIL
but i love your stick zuli...
whats that?
faster than a roler coaster???
its zuli driving
way to go.
that was fun

anyways

love= constant confusion
life=fun
love+life= fun confusion???
me + math= oh crap... this won't end well
me+ sleep= probably a nesesity
me + bordom = this
hmm
songs you people should listen to
make you smile +44
carbon leaf in general
examples
life less ordinary
when im alone
i know the reason
any given day
mary mac (it sounds funny)
grey sky eyes
the war was in colour
what about everything



it goes on and on

i think i love music in general

and my horn
which is sexy

and it is my TOOL
haha
yeah
im really tired

so i will stop typing
before i say anything really stupid
dedication time?
why not
G. if i can help in any way tell me. if im being annoying tell me. i can face honesty, and i care about your mental wellbeing.
J. you rock, we have to hang. and walk on the field
Zuli. well its not a letter... its 4... but im tired. and i know a lot of people with your first name. i really like hanging out with you. i feel as if i can completely trust you
C. yes i cant forget you. you rock... please be section leader for procusionest as he cant be
steph. you are an amaizing gal, and we need to talk more.

thats all
if i missed anyone sorry
but i dont know who else reads this

finally on this again.
and i have so much to say.
this year is so different
i went to the cliffs yesterday
and i know i promised i wouldn't go alone
i went with Zuli.
i doubt he realized how much that meant to me.
the view is amazing
and i felt so butch in his jacket.
i wasn't drawn to it the same way i once was
it was nice
and i needed to go there
i could try forever to explain it to you
or i could just let you try and figure it out
ive changed a lot since this year begun.
new friends.
im a different person
i still love to sing
and yes i still sing with the British accent
i still play french horn
but i no longer blast away at it like i used to. now i actually play
i still write songs, but not so dark
i still talk to much
im sick of the game of truth... like seriously sick of it...
if you want to know something ASK.
i only started it because i wanted to get to know people better, but was too shy to ask directly
i write stories now.
i know how frajile life is
see my previous post
that made my view of life change so much
it shwed me how fragile life really is.
that could be why i needed to go there.
i no longer see my life ending before im 20
i no longer feel the need to inflict pain on myself
i like taking pictures with cameras... i just wish that people could see beauty in random places.
im still in martial arts
and hopefully soon purple...
im 1/4th past prequal, and know another 2/4 a lot better now.
i still dont like eating with your group
i dont feel comfortable around them
i like different things
your lunch time group has great people, but i dont know them, and they DONT know me
they never did.
im still slightly paronoid that you dont see me as a friend
but im getting over that.
if any one wants to talk to me do so
just because i dont go out of my way to talk to you doesnt mean im avoiding you, it just means im giving you space, but i wuld be happy to talk to you if you wanted


well this has stuff to random people, who read this, but still...


i still rant on...

i look forward to next year.
best thing about this year
band

well THAT was fun
ok
want to know what "what" is
i was taking the bus home from my sports med final
watching a movie on my mp3 player
then we stop and im like "why are we stopping" i was thinking that fyi
then "SHITTTTT"
cause then i see the old man on the ground
i had no clue what happened to him
so i go over to help
he is brought into the bus, and is bleading from 2 places
head and hand
the bus driver is being usless
and im like... "crap" another thought, so far i had yet to speek
then im trying to help the old man, first trying to figure out what happened
the problem is..... HE CANT SPEEK ANY ENGLISH
so im trying to figure out what happened...
thankfully a girl who saw told me and acted as a translator for me
it ends up that the olf man was runing after the bus, triped, fell against the bus, and banged his head on the bus then hit the ground.
there was no loss of concousness thankfully.
the bus driver is like "have some crappy bandaids, i will call the hospital because of transit proticol."
so we are waiting for the ambulence
my "translator" named Diana is asking the old man questions for me,
"do you feel any stabbing pains"
"no"
"what is your name"
he answered it, but i forgot, but was glad he was both cooperative, and able to answer various questions
i keep asking him questions through Diana, and he respons them
i ask the bus driver "do you have a first aid kit"
"i dont know"
my thought is WTF HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW?????
the ambulence comes and leaves, the old man stays in the bus, as he didnt needt to go to the hospital
the amblulence peoples ask the same things i did, and leave him with us, deciding he does not need to go with them.
5 minutes after they leave "hey there is a first aid kit" says the bus driver
we are waiting for another bus to come, as he cant drive the bus with droplets of blood on the ground
my thought is "how is your first aid kit so crappy???"
it consisted of...:
gauze
crappy bandaids
larger crappy bandaids
and antiseptic wipes
i had the old man clean his bloody injuries, his head was fine, but his hand was still bleeding 20 minutes later
cause the bus driver is like "have 2 crappy bandaids and you will be fine..."
not exactly what he said, but his actions spoke louder then his words, and thats what he did.
no one else on the bus knew any first aid, but Diana was very helpful
She was going to take the old man home, as she didnt want to leave him alone, and he lives down town
my thought were "i am so glad you are smarter then the bus driver"
i gave her instructions such as
"dont leave him alone, stand near him if he is walking, if he experiances and strange pains in head of chest, call 911 from a home phone" and all that other good stuff...
so yeah
the old man was fine when i left
but i really dont want any more practical exams
and the bus drivers really need to LEARN BASIC FIRST AID


ps this was suposed to be posted on thursday

70th post
another thing you dont know about me
i have a random growth on my left wrist
when im nervous a rub it
it is squishy
i will be singing in the coffee house show
it is in the theater on Tuesday from 4 to 5:30
i am getting my French horn tomorrow
i am so excited
life is going really well
and right now im trying to fix a song

things you may or may not know about me
im not always that talkative, especially in person
im afraid of needles
im afraid of baby talk
im afraid of clowns
i laugh when im in a lot of pain (except if the pain is in my face)
im somewhat afraid of being alone
i rarley lie.
sometimes i will start singing, and it rhymes and everything, and i forget it after i sing it.
im very paronoid
im both optimistic, and pesimistic, sometimes at the same time

ranting rant for the sake of ranting. (aka having fun with words)

There is a lot on my mind right now.
shall i start rambling
i think i shall

a guy who i'm kinda friends with, who supposedly does not like me wrote this

hey sweetheart, call me sometime? we'll go out for coffee or something
(insert phone number here) (insert heart here) (insert name here)


i am very confused about this.

this year i have a goal.
to not have my yearbook stolen and have fag written in it.

tomorrow we have band with three French horns, which will be interesting, and somewhat weird.

as i look through some comments already written in my yearbook, i see some really sweet comments, and some... interesting(?) ones...

this year has been so much better than grade 9.


yesterday one of my friends decided to smash a lacrosse ball into my left eye.
i didn't know my glasses could bend that way.
guess what happened today...
right eye... soccer ball.
yeah
I'm just skilled
SKILLED I SAY

this next portion is written due to reading someone else's blog

well today, other than having the guy write that in my yearbook, i also had a guy ask me out.
the thing is, I've gone through relationships, and in almost all, i have been either used, or cheated on. relationships are not all what they are cracked up to be.
i have friends, who have somehow never been hurt by love, and yes i envy one in particular, because they have been going through life, and it seems they have never been hurt.
to be honest, sometimes it really pisses me off.
ANYWAYS.
yes relationships are nice, but they are not everything. i envy you for not ever being in one.
i think you can probably see the downsides of relationships
see: me and some random guy who i will not name for examples
i think you deserve a great relationship
sadly, the world is not perfect and we don't all get what we deserve
see: Romeo and Juliet

well i think I'm done ranting for now
COMMENT FOR ONCE

Shadowstich

new story

Lightning flashed, lighting up the silhouette of three large wolves running towards a mountain of jagged rocks. They were thankful for the storm, as the rain would wash away their trail of paw prints. Other then the rare flash of lightning, the wolves were invisible in the darkness. One was almost twice the size of the other two, and had a coat of jet black. The other two were both gray, one with bright red eyes and white fur on the tips of his paws, the other had yellow eyes and was a dark grey. The two smaller wolves were very fast. The three wolves did not rest, running as if from a wild fire, and the jagged rock mountain was an island surrounded by a lake.

Minutes turned into hours as they slowly scaled the mountain, resting only once they had reached their destination, a cave that went deep into the mountain, with an entrance that was almost invisible. Their panting echoed through the cave. Only now did the two grey wolves see that the black one had a cloth bundle with him.

“Midnight… what, what have you brought with you?” the red eyed grey wolf asked with a deep husky voice.

Midnight was the large black wolf, named for the color of his fur. His father was the leader of the Shadow pack, one of the largest wolf packs in the area. Shadow pack had been the three wolves’ home, until the humans had attacked.

“is it food?” the yellow eyed grey wolf asked.

Before midnight could respond, the first grey wolf growled “Storm why must you always think with your stomach?”

“your hungry too Shadow, we were running for hours” Storm rumbled his protest.

“Storm, Shadow, stop with your bickering” Midnight hissed as the bundle started to squirm and a small black furry head poked out of the cloth that enclosed it. Midnight sniffed the small pup.

“you brought a pup! Who is he?” Shadows ears perked up as he approached the pup.

“she… her name is Carbon.” The large black wolf answered.

post 66
wow

if i could explain everything to you, i would, but i cant find the words to do so.
i feel as if i am slowly losing my mind.

half the time it feels as if the words i say are not my own, and my thoughts are not my own.

i feel as if im losing myself, but i know i must fight to hold on.

i need to figure out how to stop this without hurting you.

im sorry
for everything

well im in the band room
walking outside at 7 am really makes me feel betetr.
and the world looks like a better place
cause not many humans are out
there are frogs, geese and ducks, this pretty black singing bird, butterflies, misquitos
well not all of nature is nice
but life is full of mixed blessings
yin and yang
remember
life is 0nly as good as you make it
shadowstich

well i 'm at school, finished my part of a powerpoint on LCL sprains
and i realised i have not updated this recently
what to say
G: things have been somewhat rough lately, and i have not been very talkative towards you, mostly because my hamstring sprain has left me in a very foul mood, and has left me feeling trapped and very bitchy, and i dont want to take it out on you
A(the one who knows G): i really hope that things get better for you. saying that ive gone through the same thing may be thr truth, but it probably doesnt make you feel better. i ment what i said yesterday, if there is any way i can help, just tell me and i will help you.
J: im really happy for you, and i hope everything goes well with that. good luck this week.
C: how can you not kill the percussionists . i really hope things go well with you and your man.
Z (since s is used too much) im glad you and i have been talking alot latley, and i love your webcam. it makes me happy. you have been very good at de-stressing me, and your a great guy. i freally hope you can make it on friday
everyone else: if you want me to say stuf towards you, just say so.
fyi i dont have use of computers or tv on school days.
you can call my cell anytime (within reason) or text me (i have texting now)
take care
Shadowstich

bipolar???

well i think every things better
but one of my friends thinks i may be bi-polar
definition
Bipolar disorder is not a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders defined by the presence of one or more episodes of abnormally elevated mood, clinically referred to as mania. Individuals who experience manic episodes also commonly experience depressive episodes or symptoms, or mixed episodes in which features of both mania and depression are present. These episodes are normally separated by periods of normal mood, but in some patients, depression and mania may rapidly alternate


i think she may be right

kinda scary thought

but its the most accurate thing i have right now

and im trying to figure things out
but its really hard

but i need to keep my spirits up
even tho i may not be able to go to martial arts for awhile
as ive injured my hip, and need to see a doctor or chiropractor

well hello
I AM NOT NAMING HIM BUTTERBALL
and anyways
at this poing he is BUTTER BLOB
cause he keeps growing
and growing
so much has been on my mind
im lacking in sleep
and confused
cause im wondering how i can like this guy, when we dont have much in common, at all.
and ive finally learned not to rush into things
why is lucario my lover?
because b probably realised that i cant keep a guy
longest relationship
under 2 weeks
with a guy who ended up saying i was possessed by a demon and tried to ward me of with a bible and cross

yeah

and shortest

under 30 hours

ive dated 5 guys

and whats my luck
NILLLLLL
but oh well
lucario is a sexy beast


hes ALL MINE

XD


um
yeah

i still dont understand hoe one guy thought i would be scared by listening to death metal or whatever he called it

right now im listening to techno


and updating this
cause of course you wont know im updating this...

everything in life changes
it would of been easier if you didnt lie in the first place


ive said this before
and i say it now
what doesnt kill me makes me stronger

altho i would of prefered this not to happen
i guess i knew deep down it would
and because ive faced it before.

so you know what?
if you ever want to talk to me, then fine, i will talk to you back
but i understand.
shadowstich

well im back in the band room...
i now have 2 videos of me singing on youtube, both need to be re-done
cause one is pure crap
and the other could be way better
i dont know whether i should kill a friend or thank him
i happen to like my friend's (now known as S) friend (known now as A)
(neither of these names have come up before i dont think)
anyways... i asked S who is friends with A if i'd ever have a chance with A
s didnt know,
so i brilliantly asked him to ask A in a way that didn't reveal my feelings
he said he would
but i think there was major Miss-communication
and he proceeded to ask A out for me
not a bad thing
but thankfully A said no, as he doesnt really know me.
im not looking for a relationship right now
and my next one, i plan to go slowly with, as i've finally learned from my mistakes.

i didnt make the talent show
and im making some changes to the song (just the music)


this is what they said

Hey shadowstich, I apologize if person 1 was really rude to you today, and even if I was too, I am sorry. A lot was going on so I wasn't really paying attention. So basically, because you didn't show up, and because we were really tight on our schedule and we were not certain whether or not you were prepared, it was a unanimous decision to not have you be a performer for the talent show. We're really sorry shadowstich. It was a really hard decision, and we'd like to thank you for getting the courage and coming out to sing for us. Keep on writing those wonderful songs!


atleast they were nice about it

ive been slightly (or more then slightly) bitter about not making it
but what doesn't kill me will make me stronger.
this gives me more time to learn how to use the program and make my music better
and write new songs


with my songwriting, ive been having a lot of difficulty,as with being no longer depressed, depressing songs are hard to right
and i suck at happy or love songs

my next song is in the making, but it will take some time.

ive realised something
im not friends with anyone i was friends with in junior high who is in my school now
H,Sa,J, were not really friends at that point
and well... most will know i only really had Em, random druggies, and Er (who is now in ontario) and Am(who is in abe)
but now i have new friends, who i feel as if i belong with them.

altho sometimes i wonder if some people do consider me friends, or if they dont want to hurt me by telling me to go away, i just wish i knew the answer.

ive had people i thought were friends end up hating me...
not the most fun feeling and awkward, as one of the people... well i train with her dad, who knows nothing of the fight.

thankfully i was able to spar last night, and altho i am very sore, im calm, and not about to blow up, which ive been at the brink of doing. and after the weekend i had... id say its understandable

but anyways

im off
shadowstich