its been way to long since i wrote in this.
right now im currently listning to some pokemon songs...
what i want to do is make a small version of some of the collective themes, so far i have "dragonight takes flight" and "wraped in light" im trying to do "this is my world" and "lugias song"
i love the music
and what im doing is probably not legal
but im doing it to see if i can, and im not selling it... so i guess its ok.
im doing it for piano,
and hopefully i will soon have my own.
the reason i am writing in this now is due to the fact that there are no pianos in the computer lab.
i think i will also add some of the lirical stuff to my piano mix...
what do i have to say...

i wish youd get over yourself... cause maybe the only reason i texted you was because i actually needed your help...
but yeah...
right now im listening to a song that reminds me of someone special named JODIE
who is she...?
a lion... i think... but also one of my best friends.
sometimes we kind of fight, which is usually me more being mad at her... she always wins... cause if shes sad anyone will instantly panics and tries to help her.
the moral of that story, dont be mad at jodie, as you will end up feeling guilty.
if jodie was a pokemon i think shed be a geodude or mew, cause comeon... flying rocks are epic, and shes one of a kind like mew.
girl if your reading this... i love you.

what else is on my mind..?
wow this song is amaizing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2BRmj0LHP8&feature=related

have you ever felt inspired by music?
i constantly do.

oh god...
its
DR BEAT
ARGGGG
i can hear it from in here.

wow... first time in ages where ive actually posted something long.

but i think i want to stop now.
maybe i will write again... maybe...
but at this point i dont need to...
so if you want me to i will.

broken

darkness surrounding, feels like your floundering
trying to reach what you cant see
words you can not say, sant find the way
choking on air you can not breath

corus
and it all falls apart
broken
shattered like my heart
and its all broken

days that never end, keep playng pretend
fighting back tears you can not cry
better left without, all the pain and doubt
before all your hopes just die

chorus

paino

chorus

compleatly unprepared, and just a little scared
trying to make it through the night
lost and all alone, left without a home
stuck between what is wrong and right

corus
and it all falls apart
broken
shattered like my heart
and its all
and it all falls apart
broken
shattered like my heart
and its all broken


so fyi this song has to be sung with piano, cant be done alone, thats why its shhorter

death feels so tempting
and life so resenting
and you cant face a new day
the words people will say
your lifes not worth living
nothing worth forgiving
anger inside
fear that you hide
cause no one will care
so you just wont be there
lifes just a toy
well guess what boy
ive been there too
so no, its not just you
ive been scared and lost
ive been torn and tossed
like yesterdays garbage
worthless
but i made it through
so why cant you.
there are people who care
people who want you there
people like me
so why dont you see
suicides not painless
so dont be so brainless
you think pain is a need
makes problems recede
well maybe your wrong
cause the darkness is cold
full of stories untold
about evil and pain
driving people insane
you may think thats fun
but wait till its done
with your broken body
nothing left but regrets
...
you asked why i care
well boy ive been there
with no one to help
you may not beleive me
but i know what your going through.

wanna know what got me through all this?
a few good friends
a guy who i both love and hate, cause he showed me why to live, and gave me another reason to live, one of the reasons i cant just end my own life is that he spent so much time helping me... and i cant waste that. hes probably one of the most amaizing people i know. i really want to talk to him again... but i dont know if that will ever happen...


another guy, who made it pretty hard to kill myself even if i lost control, cause i will never break a promise, not without permission...

and my best friend, who was with me closer to the end, but is still with me now... i love her, and she helps me stay happy

martial arts and song writing also helped.

so how do i put this
please dont give up
cause honestly i care... a lot
and id miss you a lot.
i mean that truthfully.


there is something i strongly beleive

Dance like you mean it
Sing like you feel it
Love till you show it
Live till you know it

what does that mean?
dance like a madman, like no one is watching
sing untill you can actually feel the music, and become it
love people and show that you do, cause that makes a difference
live and try to understand why you should instead of excuses of why you shouldnt.

its been almost a month since i last posted.
lets see... what is going through my head? questions
why do i keep proving you right? cause im just lucky i guess
will i get hurt by doing what i might do? i dunno, time will tell... probably not
if i practice hard enough will i get to be section leader? probably not... because no matter how hard i try wish will think she is better...
why have i been blogging less and less? because i started because of a guy, and he taught me a lot, and i guess as i blog less and less i need him less and less, that makes no sence, i think they are parallel things, kinda? but i dont need him anymore, id still like to talk to him, but i dont need to. i still try to, but i dont know if he can tell that im trying to be friendly without being annoying.
why are there so many questions in my head? curriosity
so many words we'll never know to say
so many paths leading every which way
so many chices yet to be made
and enough with poetry
i dont know what to say
thus... update later

there are times where i dont know what to do anymore.
the seconds keep ticking, but i dont want them to.
you people made me live
made me promise...
that promise, the two, are both blessings and curses.
do you know how much it hurts when someone jokes about your sanity... not realising that they are actually right, but you know that they are.
im scared
yes i admit that
i want to talk to you
so badly
but i know if i do i will slipup
and lose any chance i have
and i know that chance is prettymuch non existant,
what do i say
what do i do

it can take just a moment and time
to change a heart, change a mind
i miss you, i need you
i cant wait to see you
im afraid that this will end the same way
i dont want this to just go away

you see its easy for me to slip into rhyme
you see, it takes next to no time
this is how i think deep inside
the deeper parts i still hide


sometimes i think it would be easier
if i were to just fade away

Flight

Flight
I flew to you one morning
When you saw me you smiled
Looked at me with longing
And begged I stay awhile

I was the one with wings
But you were left without
So I lent you my wings
When you stole my heart

Things were so wonderful
As you flew me around
Out love was so powerful
Until you left this town

I was the one with wings
But you were left without
So I lent you my wings
When you stole my heart

Sometimes I still see you
But you’re rarely around
Cause you’re the one who flew
While I am firmly on the ground

I was the one with wings
But you were left without
So I lent you my wings
When you stole my heart

The days they start to fade away
Nothing left to do
Wind whispering starts to say
“you know his love was true”

But then you went and left me
Without my wings so white
Now who can I be
Without my wings so white



writen in english
its about an angel who falls in love with a mortal, the rest you can figure out

flickr is taking forever to load
did i do the right thing?
am i doint the right things?
will i do the right things?
it might be frozen again.
flickr i mean
we have to answer a lot of questions using pictures and words, sketches, poems, clip art...
but how to answer
i feel happy when im: singing, writing, talking with some of you, holding my french horn, taking pictures
i feel sad when: i listen to a certain song, when im watching pokemon sometimes, when i think about the past
i feel scared when: i cant read you, when i make you dissapointed, when i lose myself
i feel angry, when im lied to, when people cant apreciate things for what they are, when people hurt my friends
i want to be around my friends when: im in a good mood, they want me there, whenever
i want to eb alone when: im in a croud of people, when i write songs, when im crying
theese are things i do often: play french horn, sing, watch the sun set
i often wonder about: everything
things i often think about when im alone: live love, light, darkness, songs, you, school, band, everything
some of the things i really beleive are: everything has a good and bad side, everyone has secrets, trust in feelings...
i would like to know why i... annoy so many people, am different, cant stop thinking about someone... have so mank answers to this question.



so many questions and so many answers

this is who i am.
what i have become
i cant change some things
like myself... to some extent.
i cant change the good or bad
and i cant try to force it
because forcing it makes it come back... way worse
am i talking nonsence?
maybe.
but i know what im saying.

i need to face my fears.
because i cant get any betetr without doing so.

you helped me take a few steps, but i need to be willing to take those steps, and some steps i need to take alone... because i need to catch myself... or let the past repeat itself.

i cant take advice well...
especially relationship advice
because i am stuborn
it took me an entire day to learn how to tie my shoes...
cause i was way too stuborn.
i am going to prove you wrong if you tell me something wont work relationship wise... at least in some cases

im better
somewhat
im determined
im not sure why
but i WILL make things better
i wont let fear over ride me
i wont let myself fall to the darkness
i wont let myself give up
because this time im gonna make it worth it
this time im going to make what you did count.
because i need to

im afraid
but we all are

afraid what will happen

but we wont get anywhere if we dont face our fears.

ive been lost in the darkness... uncontrolable...
but its getting easier to draw back out of it.


a few years ago the main reason i didnt kill myself was my parents.
now ive got you guys...

This is who i am
determined/stuborn
good/evil
light/dark
an optimistic pessimist,
a poet
a singer
a horn player
a friend
a soul
a live
yet another striving to survive

i dont know if i will make it
but i cant let the doubt make sure i dont

i worry
i doubt
way too much

but for once i know who i am
did i not before?
i did kinda, but i forced myself to hide myself.

yes im listening to pokemon
what are you going to do about it.
i enjoy it
so what if its immature
i will find something you will like
and get you to listen to it.
because im gonna prove to you that some things are not all bad.


yin and yang
both balance out

think about it

SHADOWSTICH
yea-yeah

a while ago i had a friend ask me why i watch pokemon
i realised something
more then half of it was from the score
i love the score for the original pokemon
the first movie?
why is it pokemon can make me cry
cause i can feel music
playing happy stuff makes me happy
sad stuff makes me sad
music can unleash raw emotion in me
and its something i am very passionate about


i have made some of my band friends listen to some of the score for the first movie
and not told them where the song was from
and guess what
they enjoyed it

why cant you
just suck back the fact its from pokemon
and put your heart into the music.
because untill you do, you wont understand me as well


you actually made me mad
my good side... was mad
i dont think i know when the last time i was really mad
like... the entirety of me was so pissed off at you

cause what you did

its like saying i must be weak for being a girl
or saying that someone is different because of the colour of their skin
yes
im trying to say that your being... for lack of better word... racest... towards music.
so what if it came from somewhere else
beauty should be apreciated in all forms
not just ones that you expect...


yes im still slightly pissed off at you
and yes i will have you read this
because i need to make you understand this

you want me to follow your advice?
well heres mine
dont judge things from their source, but judge them for what they actually are.
listen with your heart
open your heart
even if your mind says that your heart wont like it


i have nothing else to say right now.
i truley hope you understand what im trying to say.

i guess my mind is like a song, melody and counter melody fighting over who gets to be heard.
and yet together they make something whole
even a crunchy chord, where someone is riding on the dissanance, can be resolved into a major chord, into something pleasing.

dance with me
to the music
through the fire and ice
see who i am
this is me

first time in ages my poetry has no tune
written by a crazy loon
trying to rhyme may not make sence
its not easy in my defence
but sometimes words come out their best
when each one has to pass a test
will they pass or will they fail
as i write a strange small tale




sorry if i let you down,
walking in this empty town,
trying to find my way to you,
running out of things to do,

waiting for the call that wont come,
the words that make things come undone,
the silence seems so terrible,
the bitter cold unbarable

silence broken by a scream
harsh wakeup from a dream
into a shattered reality
surrounded by lies you cant see

half dark half light
half wrong half right
both confused
unamused
never balanced, never the same
each driving the other insane
stand together or fall apart
following a broken heart


leave now creature of light
i need not your ideas of right
you belong out there so shine
leave the dark for me to define
i need not your deception
pointing out a direction
telling me which way to go
pointing out what i dont know


this has no dedication
maybe no admiration
running out of time
battery dieing fine

what do you say when theres nothing left to say?
what do you do when you have nothing left to do?
who do you turn to when theres no one left to turn to?
who do you pray to when god has let you down?
when is the right time to say i love you?
when will the phone ring?
where do you go when you cant find your home?
where do you sleep when your not next to me?
why do i ask such random things?
why do i feel the need to question everything?



some of these are just random
but most of my random comes from somewhere...
and these are not so random...
but most of them are not directed to who you would think.

why cant i spell my name with a y
i like it that way
but no
if theres a y i must be a guy
why does my using my nickname confuse so many people

so i will have to go back to a different doctor and see if i need a steroid puffer?
it feels weird to actually breath normially
cause it had been so long i was used to it

and my puffer tastes really bad



why is it you send me mixxed siignals
it confuses me.
cause i never know what to expect from you.
so please stop wearing a mask.




why do i want to be in your arms?
i guess cause it feels safe there.
not to mention warm.
i am a heat leach... omn nom nom
i wish i knew how to tell you that things are ok, and you dont need to wory so much.



why is it we started talking? im not complaining, you are an awesome gal. i really enjoy hanging out with you and thanks for coming with me to the cliffs. and see? i didnt drop your laptop



why is it you are my best friend? given that your sister went out of her way to make life hell? it confuses me sometimes. and your sister still scares me.



why is everythinng so complicated

and why am i so cold?

i dont know what else to put
so peace

thinking about stuff
and my mind ends up on one guy, who i hung out with last night, and might tonight.
i highly doubt i will ever find a steady relationship...

i read all of my blog last night, laughed a lot, cried abit, remembered stuff i hadnt...

its strange.
i write about people a lot...
iguess its something thats on my mind a lot
i noticed that there are a lot of typos in this.
but i guess there are a lot of typos in me too...
no one is perfect...


screw this
DEDICATION TIME

Mr totten: thanks for being there for me. im sorry if i annoy you. i care alot about you, you make me think way more than most people. Im really glad you and i started talking. yoou are an amaizing guy. and you are very attractive, even if you dont think so. i think where some of the atraction comes from is your personality. thanks forbeing my friend

ma'am, j, i love you, you are my best friend. i hope that never changes.
im sorry i didnt tell you what was wrong when i should have.
i want to hang with you. socall me

Good godric: lets see if you can figure out who this is for.
i really want to read your scripts. and i think you need to be less busy
you are an awesome chick, and i want to become closer friends with you. i bet if you went through my entire blog you would go nuts from the typos :D

zuli: well... you are way to friggen busy... but i miss you. i dont know if we can hang at the cliffs, but i want to hang with you. you are a very special guy, and i love you (friend only at this point)

who else...

cai- you are pnonominal, and im so glad we are friends and right now i am going to send you a text.there. sent it. yay for band trip and sharing a room
i am so excited


am i missing anyone at this point?
if so, just tell me and i will try to remember next time

have a phonominominomal day

Shadowstich

heh.
so i get to use a puffer now.
i am so confused and worried and nervous right now.
i dont know whats right anymore.
do i risk everything for you? if i do would it be worth it?
i want to...
but i dont know how to.
when did life get so confusing?
i guess wehen i realised i actually was going to go through it, and actually had to care about what happened.
i am way too cold and tired.
so goodnight
Shadowstich

Take a chance and dance


Lay awake thinking bout everything
Listen to a silent melody
Just Cant help but think about you
I still don’t know what to do

And id do anything for just one chance
Id do Anything for just one dance
Its not that complicated don’t you see
So just take this chance and dance with me

Its getting late , the stars are almost out
And I am filled with way too much doubt
I start to wonder, should I go
But there is something you should know


id do anything for just one chance
Id do Anything for just one dance
Its not that complicated don’t you see
So just take this chance and dance with me

Its almost midnight, waiting for a sign
Worried I’ll simply run out of time
I see you and don’t know what to say
Do I take the risk today

id do anything for just one chance
Id do Anything for just one dance
Its not that complicated don’t you see
So just take this chance and dance with me

The music ends and its time to depart
And im carrying a wounded heart
But then I turn around and see you
And you know just what to do

Im so glad you took the chance
And lead me in this dance
Sometimes I wonder if you see
Just How happy you make me

FLY FREE COMPLEATED

Fly free
By: Shadowstich

Find me a story that’s fit for a king
Instead of a lie from the heart
Find me a song that the angels will sing
Cause this world is getting to dark

Chorus
Take me away to another place
Where the stars up above can be seen
A different aspect of time and space
Somewhere that I can fly free

Warmth from the sun, cold from the sea
Fog floating along in a cloud
Then cleared by the blow of a very strong breeze
The whispers becoming so loud

Chorus
Take me away to another place
Where the stars up above can be seen
A different aspect of time and space
Somewhere that I can fly free

Bright light brings shadows black like the night
Making the world shades of grey
Nothing is easy and nothing is right
Is this the price we must pay

Chorus
Take me away to another place
Where the stars up above can be seen
A different aspect of time and space
Somewhere that I can fly free

All of the memories lie in the past
Waiting to be recalled
Focus on now and make the days last
Before your senses are dulled

ChorusTake me away to another place
Where the stars up above can be seen
A different aspect of time and space
Somewhere that I can fly free

Find me a world and then colour it rainbow
Just like a brilliant sunrise
So many things we still do not know
More than meets the eyes

i dont know what to do anymore
it seems like everything i do either dissapoints someone, or makes me unhappy
i was really happy with him, but being with him disapointed my best friend, and a guy whos opinion i value highly.
i was working really hard at physics
dropped it recently
cause i was failing
and i worked my ass off in that class
and got like... 48
and disapointed my parents

its always fucking dissapointment
why cant someone get mad at me?
i dont know who to turn to really
cause i dont feel as tho i can talk to my best friend...
and i dont want to use this to bitch

i wonder if you know how much you messed me up.
or that i dont know if you did
i used to be certain of my actions
now im so afraid i will be stabbed in the back.
i hate how my best friend will:
a)only read this when i ask her to
b) expect me to stop what im doing when she needs to talk, but say shes busy when i need to talk.


i just wish people could be honest to me.
because im starting to be able to tell when people are lyingto me,
but i cant tell what about
so i assume the worst.

and i think i just lost someone as a friend
but i think he was doing what someone else did.
pretending to be my friend out of pity.


im starting to doubt there is a god
because my prayers are never answered.

and i have listened to a song repeatedly

a guy named mike sent it to me

hes really really awesome
but hes 21
which means just friends

which sucks
i hate being 16
because im suposed to be mature, but i cant be an adult.

sorry about the rant
Shadowstich

thinking bout a lot latley
life, love, you, me, everything in between.
i dont know why i was so hung up on this guy, i finally realized hes a fool.
im not going to use this to diss him,
cause thats just wrong.
and there is this guy, im one of my classes, and i really like him, and obviously i dont know what to do.
i dont know if i have a chance with you,
and i dont know if its worth risking your friendship for a highschool relationship.
and back to the first topic... kinda
i saw one girl who used to hate me, and she and i are kinda friends again, we both realised that people change over time. it was nice seeing her again.

and i did not finish this... i thought i did
so not i will post it and then... fall asleep shortly after

kay anyone who reads this.
i am ordering you to tell me who you are
cause i think i know one of the people who said yes
but i dont know who else...
heh

fly free (maybe?)

new song... i really like it


find me a story fit for a king
instead of a lie from the heart
find me a song that the angels will sing
cause this world is getting to dark

Chorus
take me away to another place
where the stars up above can be seen
a different aspect of time and space
somewhere that i can fly free

warmpth from the sun, cold from the sea
fog floating along in a cloud
then cleared by thye blow of a very strong breeze
the whispers becoming so loud

Chorus
take me away to another place
where the stars up above can be seen
a different aspect of time and space
somewhere that i can fly free

bright light brings shadows black like the night
making the world shades of grey
nothing is easy and nothing is right
is this the price we must pay

Chorus
take me away to another place
where the stars up above can be seen
a different aspect of time and space
somewhere that i can fly free